"大洋彼岸之风" issue 8 by Brian 第二次作业

brianwangboUID: 2643722

8、"It is often necessary, even desirable, for political leaders to withhold information from the public." 总频69 政治类

There is an old saying--Only trust each other can friendship appears. What can we learn from this proverb? It tells us that a real friend deserves honesty, tolerance and sincerity. So is it necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public? I agree that it is sometimes necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public.But real friends have privacy themselves.

A stable society can be founded only when the government and citizens trust each other. How could this kind of “trust” being set up? An effective way is exchanging information honestly. No matter what kind of reasons or excuses the political leaders may hold, the citizens have the right to know what the government is doing and why they are they doing this at last, especially in a democratic country. So the political leaders from the government should give a candid explanation about what is and will be happening around us. Through this way can a real friendship being built between the common people and their political leaders. If such kind of society being established, any difficulties could be overcome when real friends face together. A great example is that a new home quickly appears on the ruins after the disastrous Wenchuan earthquake. The political leaders of China trust their people, and their people clearly know what happened in the unexpected catastrophes. They together get the job down.

But certain types of information related to public safety and national security should not be fully disclosing to the public. For example, the political leader should retain information about strategies used to defend against terrorism. If strategies are known by terrorists, the public’s safety as well as national security would be disturbed.
Some economical strategies shouldn’t be fully disclosed either when two countries are the negotiating table. Due to information explosion, any information can be known if it is disclosed. And critical information being caught by their negotiator will surely bring great economical loss to them.

So I think sometimes it is necessary for political leader to withhold information from the public. At last their people have the rights to know the facts. In any democratic country, political leaders who relies on deception to preserve their power, will have a unwanted ending. Only by the supervision of their citizens, a stable society can be built.

写完一篇就崩溃了，觉得资料准备得太差，写不长，而且不知道有没有跑题.........555555..........
大家给点意见.....................

akongworldUID: 2607594

There is an old saying--Only trust each other can friendship appears. What can we learn from this proverb? It tells us that a real friend deserves honesty, tolerance and sincerity. So is it necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public? I agree that it is sometimes necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public.But real friends have privacy themselves.第一段写的不错呐~~~很有感觉的说....尤其最后一句，我喜欢~~~值得借鉴

A stable society can be founded only when the government and citizens trust each other. How could this kind of “trust” being set up? An effective way is exchanging information honestly. No matter what kind of reasons or excuses the political leaders may hold, the citizens have the right to know what the government is doing and why they are they doing this at last, especially in a democratic country. So the political leaders from the government should give a candid explanation about what is and will be happening around us. Through this way can a real friendship being built between the common people and their political leaders. If such kind of society being established, any difficulties could be overcome when real friends face together. if后面又有个when，貌似看着不太舒服？A great example is that a new home quickly appears on the ruins after the disastrous Wenchuan earthquake. The political leaders of China trust their people, and their people clearly know what happened in the unexpected catastrophes. They together get the job down.汶川的重建和信息透明性...这应该只能说明政府和人民互助吧...

But certain types of information related to public safety and national security should not be fully disclosing should not be disclosing?to the public. For example, the political leader should retain information about strategies used to defend against terrorism. If strategies are known by terrorists, the public’s safety as well as national security would be disturbed.这句稍微感觉有点chinglish....
Some economical strategies shouldn’t be fully disclosed either when two countries are the negotiating tableare the negotiating table?. Due to information explosion, any information can be known if it is disclosed. And critical information being caught by their negotiator will surely bring great economical loss to them.感觉不是很强力，没被说服...

So I think sometimes it is necessary for political leader to withhold information from the public. At last你是想说at least?还是？ their people have the rights to know the facts. In any democratic country, political leaders who relies 语法错误on deception to preserve their power, will have a unwanted un unwanted 吧？ending. Only by the supervision of their citizens, a stable society can be built.only 引导的话，应该用倒装吧...

政府的信息透明和经济、国防上的保密性~~~总体思路还是不错滴，不过就像你说的.....这篇真的很难写.....
TOT.....我也要回去好好看你给我的评语了.....
看来我这个思路表达还是很有问题啊...咋办捏？...岂一个愁字了得...

窟窟UID: 2644755

There is an old saying--Only trust each other can friendship appears. What can we learn from this proverb? It tells us that a real friend deserves honesty, tolerance and sincerity.(As an old saying goes，“only trust each other can friendship appears”-- a real friend deserves honesty ,tolerance and sincerity.) So is it necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public?(But when it comes to politics ,is it ……) I agree that it is sometimes necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public.But real friends have privacy themselves. (I partially agree that……however, real friends should respect privacy mutually.) 开头有些句子比较啰嗦，还有关于privacy在下文论证不足）
A stable society can be founded only when the government and citizens trust each other. (Only when the government and citizens trust each other can a stable society be founded.)
How could this kind of “trust” being set up?
(But how we set up such trust?)An effective way is exchanging information honestly. No matter what kind of reasons or excuses the political leaders may hold, the citizens have the right to know what the government is doing and why they are they doing this at last, especially in a democratic country. So the political leaders from the government should give a candid explanation about what is and will be happening around us. Through this way can a real friendship being built between the common people and their political leaders. If such kind of society being established, any difficulties could be overcome when real friends face together. A great example is that a new home quickly appears on the ruins after the disastrous Wenchuan earthquake. The political leaders of China trust their people, and their people clearly know what happened in the unexpected catastrophes. They together get the job down.
（句子可以再提炼，例子不是很有说服力）
But certain types of information related to public safety and national security should not be fully disclosing to the public. For example, the political leader should retain information about strategies used to defend against terrorism. If strategies are(were) known by terrorists, the public’s safety as well as national security would be disturbed.
(It would probably put the public’s safety as well as national security in danger)（也可以,against terrorism, or it would…… 更简炼）(这段观点好，但没有展开和具体的例子，disturbed这次不是很好)

Some economical strategies shouldn’t be fully disclosed either when two countries are（at） the negotiating table. Due to information explosion, any information can be known if it is disclosed. And critical information being caught by their negotiator will surely bring great economical loss to them.
（其实这一段可以与上段合并，因为都涉及国家利益和安全）

So I think sometimes it is necessary for political leader to withhold information from the public. At last their people have the rights to know the facts. In any democratic country, political leaders who relies on deception to preserve their power, will have a unwanted ending.（would lead to counterproductive ending） Only by the supervision of their citizens, a stable society can be built. 倒装

大队长要加强对语言的提炼，尽量避免中式英语，最好找到更好的例子支撑论点。。第二次改作文，说得不对的请指正呵``

junziiUID: 2644576

There is an old saying--Only trust each other can friendship appears. What can we learn from this proverb(貌似不必要). It tells us that a real friend deserves honesty, tolerance and sincerity. So is it necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public? I agree that it is sometimes necessary for political leaders to withhold information from the public. But real friends have privacy themselves.（关于这段我和窟窟的想法差不多，他已经改的很详细了。）

A stable society can be founded only when the government and citizens trust each other. How could this kind of “trust” being set up? An effective way is exchanging information honestly. No matter what kind of reasons or excuses the political leaders may hold, the citizens have the right to know what the government is doing and why they are they doing this at last,（这句话有点别扭，是不是写错了？） especially in a democratic country. So the political leaders from the government should give a candid explanation about what is and will be happening around us. Through this way can a real friendship being built between the common people and their political leaders. If such kind of society being established, any difficulties could be overcome when real friends face together. A great example is that a new home quickly appears on the ruins after the disastrous Wenchuan earthquake. The political leaders of China trust their people, and their people clearly know what happened in the unexpected catastrophes. They together get the job down.(我觉这个例子还要写详细点，感觉你写的没能完全表达出你的意思，所以无法说服他人)

But certain types of information related to public safety and national security should not be fully disclosing to the public. For example, the political leader should retain information about strategies used to defend against terrorism. If strategies are known by terrorists, the public’s safety as well as national security would be disturbed（赞同KK说的，应该换个词）.
Some economical strategies shouldn’t be fully disclosed either when two countries are the negotiating table（？？？ when a country carrried on negotiations with another)Due to information explosion, any information can be known if it is disclosed. And critical information being caught by their negotiator will surely bring great economical loss to them.
（这个例子我看得不太明白，对经济我完全摸不到门儿，呵呵。也说明—这个例子还要加强）

So I think sometimes it is necessary for political leader to withhold information from the public. At last their people have the rights to know the facts（At last?是打错了吧？但如果你是说："At least...",两句的逻辑和衔接是否有些问题？中间好像少了个转折..我也不知道我的理解对不对...). In any democratic country, political leaders who relies on （语法）deception to preserve their power, will have a unwanted(这个unwanted不太贴切) ending. Only by the supervision of their citizens, a stable society can be built.

junziiUID: 2644576

呵呵 我唧唧歪歪了下....
也不知道说得对不对
总的感觉是Brian的两个例证都有些草草收尾的感觉
我看时会觉得例子刚刚被拿出来就没了，说服力不够。
对于语言组织方面，我也很菜 就没什么建设性意见了

PS:谢谢BRIAN给我改I8哦:)