issue130 [dies in flames] by winning1030

winning1030UID: 2538401

130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


Tracing back to the history of the development of human, it is clear to find that it is the concept of human society that the start and the continuation of the brilliant civilization in the world
which exists today relies on. Thousands of years ago, our ancestors survived the wretched conditions by living together within a little group, which can, to an extent, be regarded as the original
social structure, although it is far from a real sense of human society. As the race evolved with the productive forces, here came the human society, which guaranteed the mankind's survival, the further development as well as the cultural inheritance through appropriate divisions of labor. And the process, in which individuals associate themselves with the human society, is called socialization. So there is no denying the fact that the future of mankind will be at stake once a break in the connection between individuals and sodalities appears.


And since the responsibilities and hope of a better society are placed on children as the successors and transmitters of the cultures, the socialization of children is the key to the destiny of society. Children's socialization, defined as a process in which a natural person, by contact and interaction with others, gains self-awareness gradually and finally becomes an acceptable member in a society, involves the obtainment of languages, the regulations of the society, values and indispensable methods of thought and behaviors which are accepted by the masses, as well as life skills. Each function makes a difference to future of society. Languages play a vital role in
the premise of communication; abiding by social norms is the foundation of effective interaction, the normal operation and the
stability of society; correct values lead society in a right direction of morality and ethics besides constituting the basis of social rules; proper expression of thought and behaviors serves as a necessary condition to integrate society; life skills, on one hand, guarantee
people's subsistence and on the other hand, offer them opportunities to reach self-actualization.
And all of these would be gained from the childhood and thus exert a far-reaching influence on their lives. The quality of children’s socialization represents a predictor of whether an acceptable citizen would be cultivated so that determines the destiny of society.


Since the significance of children's socialization have been realized, society turns attention to the most there important factors-family, schools and the medias involved in the process and thus have taken measurements aimed at a better society.

No doubt, family, as the main environment for children's growth, plays a big role in shaping
children. In rising children, children's attachment to their parents must be placed emphasis on. According to attachment theory, a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory originating in the work of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, it points out that children have a need for a secure relationship with adult caregivers, without which normal social and emotional development will not occur. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with the infant, and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. In terms of Bowlby's theory, the child's early experience of social interactions with familiar people leads to the development of an internal working model of social relationships, a set of ideas and feelings that establish the individual's expectations about relationships, the behavior of others toward him or her, and the behaviors appropriate for him or her to show to others.

So considering that the early years of a child's life are important for the prospects in later life, while the quality of family life is impacted by the quality of work life, many countries have made policies about parental leave, such as Estonia in which mothers are entitled to 18 months of paid leave, starting up to 70 days before due date while fathers are entitled to paid leave starting from the third month after birth.


When it comes to schools, it seems that schools not only provide an approach to impart knowledge to students, but also offer places for peers to communicate and interact with each other. A belief has been shared in recent years that children learn better respect, tolerance, compassion, goodwill as well as other good attributes from the association with kind peers. On the other hand, children will be misled by bad companions. Faced with the situation, schools today, therefore, begin to focus on the ideology including moral values and world outlook, rather than simply lie stress on grades. For example, teacher would have exemplary students set examples to the rest in order to incite children's promising development.

In a not dissimilar way, in influence of the media can never be overlooked. Children today are surrounded by all kinds of information disseminated by TV, internet, broadcast and so forth. As a immature individual, a child hasn't enough ability to distinguish the beneficial information from the deleterious so that he will absorb all discriminately. Many a scientific researches reveal that there is irrefutable connection between the amount of violence depicted in the TV programs watched by children and increased aggression among them.
Realizing the harm, The Children’s Television Charter was presented by Anna Home at the First World Summit in March 1995 and initially endorsed by signatories in 38 countries to protect children from failure in the process of socialization.

In sum, the continuity and the further development of society lies in children's
socialization because it is the relations between people that guarantee the existence of society and make it go ahead while the socialization of children has a lasting and profound impact on shaping their personalities during the course of life. Moreover, our society has deeply explore the effect factors and take a series of actions to ameliorate the situation with in the hope of a better society.


首先声明，千万别被字数吓到。里面的文章逻辑很有点问题。。。文采。。。。（还包括查词....)
神啊，救救我。。。。。。。。。。

cjluUID: 2448066

蓝色：我没看懂或是觉得有问题的句子
紫色：好句子
绿色：我的评语

130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

Tracing back to the history of the development of human, it is clear to find that it is the concept of human society that the start and the continuation of the brilliant civilization in the world which exists today relies on.(对不起啊winning亲……我没看懂Orz) Thousands of years ago, our ancestors survived the wretched conditions by living together within a little group, which can, to an extent, be regarded as the original social structure, although it is far from a real sense of human society. As the race evolved with the productive forces, here came the human society, which guaranteed the mankind's survival, the further development as well as the cultural inheritance through appropriate divisions of labor. And the process, in which individuals associate themselves with the human society, is called socialization. So there is no denying the fact that the future of mankind will be at stake once a break in the connection between individuals and sodalities appears. 很精彩的介绍了人类socialize的过程以及给socialization下了一个定义。第一句应该是个挺好的句子，但是我看了好久没看懂……有种长难句的感觉Orz winning亲有机会给我讲解下哈^^你词都用得挺不错的，尤其要赞的是你的插入语，挺恰到好处的。结尾淡淡地提到了当这种联系出现危机时可能发生一些不好的事。勾起阅读兴趣啊^^但是觉得主旨句还是不太明显，可以适当的再在结尾小强调一下^^

And since the responsibilities and hope of a better society are placed on children as the successors and transmitters of the cultures, the socialization of children is the key to the destiny of society. Children's socialization, defined as a process in which a natural person, by contact and interaction with others, gains self-awareness gradually and finally becomes an acceptable member in a society,（个人觉得这一点完全可以不要，因为和上一段的definition是重复的，只是又解释了下。这样会显得重复然后还会导致字数过多啦^^） involves the obtainment of languages, the regulations of the society, values and indispensable methods of thought and behaviors which are accepted by the masses, as well as life skills. Each function makes a difference to future of society. Languages play a vital role in the premise of communication; abiding by social norms is the foundation of effective interaction, the normal operation and the stability of society; correct values lead society in a right direction of morality and ethics besides constituting the basis of social rules; proper expression of thought and behaviors serves as a necessary condition to integrate society; life skills, on one hand, guarantee people's subsistence and on the other hand, offer them opportunities to reach self-actualization. And all of these would be gained from the childhood and thus exert a far-reaching influence on their lives. The quality of children’s socialization represents a predictor of whether an acceptable citizen would be cultivated so that determines the destiny of society.挺不错的~但是我想那大段的并列成分最好可以用一种从低到高的方式排列出来。从社会规则一直到道德、意识形态的影响，用递进的方式排列出来可能会更有效果。而且，个人觉得这一段如果用排比的话会非常有气势的^^
Since the significance of children's socialization have been realized, society turns attention to the most there important factors-family, schools and the medias involved in the process and thus have taken measurements aimed at a better society.开始转入后半句了是吗
No doubt, family, as the main environment for children's growth, plays a big role in shaping children. In rising children, children's attachment to their parents must be placed emphasis on. According to attachment theory, a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory originating in the work of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, it points out that children have a need for a secure relationship with adult caregivers, without which normal social and emotional development will not occur. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with the infant, and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. In terms of Bowlby's theory, the child's early experience of social interactions with familiar people leads to the development of an internal working model of social relationships, a set of ideas and feelings that establish the individual's expectations about relationships, the behavior of others toward him or her, and the behaviors appropriate for him or her to show to others.
家庭教育的重要性？
So considering that the early years of a child's life are important for the prospects in later life, while the quality of family life is impacted by the quality of work life, many countries have made policies about parental leave, such as Estonia in which mothers are entitled to 18 months of paid leave, starting up to 70 days before due date while fathers are entitled to paid leave starting from the third month after birth. winning亲举的例子真的都很好呀^^这一段的例子就很好~但是上一段我个人觉得还是有些长了。因为例子本身什么都说明不了，重要的是你为什么要用这个例子，你想表明什么。所以我更倾向于你把这两段的长度换过来^^
When it comes to schools, it seems that schools not only provide an approach to impart knowledge to students, but also offer places for peers to communicate and interact with each other. A belief has been shared in recent years that children learn better respect, tolerance, compassion, goodwill as well as other good attributes from the association with kind peers. On the other hand, children will be misled by bad companions. Faced with the situation, schools today, therefore, begin to focus on the ideology including moral values and world outlook, rather than simply lie stress on grades. For example, teacher would have exemplary students set examples to the rest in order to incite children's promising development.学校教育哈~
In a not dissimilar way, in influence of the media can never be overlooked. Children today are surrounded by all kinds of information disseminated by TV, internet, broadcast and so forth. As a immature individual, a child hasn't enough ability to distinguish the beneficial information from the deleterious so that he will absorb all discriminately. Many a scientific researches reveal that there is irrefutable connection between the amount of violence depicted in the TV programs watched by children and increased aggression among them.
Realizing the harm, The Children’s Television Charter was presented by Anna Home at the First World Summit in March 1995 and initially endorsed by signatories in 38 countries to protect children from failure in the process of socialization.亲都在哪找的例子啊……拜服^^

In sum, the continuity and the further development of society lies in children's socialization because it is the relations between people that guarantee the existence of society and make it go ahead while the socialization of children has a lasting and profound impact on shaping their personalities during the course of life. Moreover, our society has deeply explore the effect factors and take a series of actions to ameliorate the situation with in the hope of a better society.

嗯嗯，首先要说的是，整体挺好的^^winning亲每次都很认真啊，作业也交很快~我每次看你的文章都可以学到好多我不会的词啊哈哈~（我到底该笑还是该沮丧呢Orz ^^）语言方面真挺不错的，和我完全不同，看完你的文章突然觉得我写的作文很幼儿……Orz 大概就是我上面改的那样~我还是觉得亲的例子不错，但是例子最终还是服务于观点的，所以例子可以精简，观点突出就可以了。然后关于后半句“Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”我不太确定你到底是表示支持还是反对。这种给出好几个并列项目的题，我个人觉得可以排比一下，有气势也有说服力^^跟我写的角度完全不同啊~挺能借鉴的 呵呵 有什么意见我们再讨论哈~

jessicaluluUID: 2471730

130 "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


Tracing back to the history of the development of human, it is clear to find that it is the concept of human society that the start and the continuation of the brilliant civilization in the world which exists today relies on. (呃，看不懂啊．貌似有点问题吧，society此后的这个从句中没有动词？亲讲解一下昂．)Thousands of years ago, our ancestors survived the wretched conditions by living together within a little group, which can, to an extent, be regarded as the original social structure, although it is far from a real sense of human society. As the race evolved with the productive forces, here came the human society, which guaranteed the mankind's survival, the further development as well as the cultural inheritance through appropriate divisions of labor. And the process, in which individuals associate themselves with the human society, is called socialization. So there is no denying the fact that the future of mankind will be at stake once a break in the connection between individuals and sodalities appears.　这个是传说中强大的背景开头吧，我猜亲接下来想继续说，社会化很重要这个点，因为是连接人与人的纽带，文字表达很强悍，但是内容很罗嗦．在我看来，紫色划线部分是对观点没有一点帮助的废话．可以改简洁一点，甚至删掉都不心疼．

And since the responsibilities and hope of a better society are placed on children as the successors and transmitters of the cultures, the socialization of children is the key to the destiny of society. Children's socialization, defined as a process in which a natural person, by contact and interaction with others,（呃，亲又在定义了，雷同内容，既然如此，那上边整个一段都不要了我觉得都是可以的。） gains self-awareness gradually and finally becomes an acceptable member in a society, involves the obtainment of languages, the regulations of the society, values and indispensable methods of thought and behaviors which are accepted by the masses, as well as life skills.（这里写得很好的，把孩子的社会化概括成三个方面：获得知识和社会规则，价值观与行为方式的建立，生活技能的掌握．之后会从这三个方面分别来谈么？继续看下去） Each function makes a difference to future of society. Languages play a vital role in the premise of communication; abiding by social norms is the foundation of effective interaction, the normal operation and the stability of society; correct values lead society in a right direction of morality and ethics besides constituting the basis of social rules; proper expression of thought and behaviors serves as a necessary condition to integrate society; life skills, on one hand, guarantee
people's subsistence and on the other hand, offer them opportunities to reach self-actualization.　And all of these would be gained from the childhood and thus exert a far-reaching influence on their lives. The quality of children’s socialization represents a predictor of whether an acceptable citizen would be cultivated so that determines the destiny of society.　　这一段写得超赞，尤其是把社会化定义成三个方面以后，各个击破，说明为什么孩子的社会化对将来很重要，很不错！！！超爱！！！我有整段照背的冲动！！

Since the significance of children's socialization have been realized, society turns attention to the most there important factors-family（复数好一点？）, schools and the medias involved in the process and thus have taken measurements aimed at a better society.　　引出下一个问题还是蛮自然～我觉得这里还应该再加一句，即：到底我们的家庭／学校／媒体是不是已经知道了如何raise　them了．给题干一个正面回应，我以为要好一点．接着分点论述．

No doubt, family, as the main environment for children's growth, plays a big role in shaping children. In rising children, children's attachment to their parents must be placed emphasis on. According to attachment theory, a psychological, evolutionary and ethological theory originating in the work of psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, it points out that children have a need for a secure relationship with adult caregivers, without which normal social and emotional development will not occur. Infants become attached to adults who are sensitive and responsive in social interactions with the infant, and who remain as consistent caregivers for some months during the period from about six months to two years of age. In terms of Bowlby's theory, the child's early experience of social interactions with familiar people leads to the development of an internal working model of social relationships, a set of ideas and feelings that establish the individual's expectations about relationships, the behavior of others toward him or her, and the behaviors appropriate for him or her to show to others. 　　例子蛮好，但是结尾缺少一点总结和升华．

So considering that the early years of a child's life are important for the prospects in later life, while the quality of family life is impacted by the quality of work life, many countries have made policies about parental leave, such as Estonia in which mothers are entitled to 18 months of paid leave, starting up to 70 days before due date while fathers are entitled to paid leave starting from the third month after birth.　sigh,原来这一段才是用来整理和升华观点的，既然如此，两段合并了哇．亲此部分的重点在于，讨论为什么家庭对孩子的社会化很重要，并且更重要的是，要说明，现阶段家庭是不是已经知道该如何对孩子社会化了．上一段整个都在说理论，即家庭对社会化很重要，这一段的例子仍然说明的是，大伙对家庭在社会化中的作用很重要．so what? 这些能说明家庭已经行动起来了么，能说明他们现在已经懂得如何对孩子进行社会化了么，与孩子待在一起就是在好好社会化了么？

When it comes to schools, it seems that schools not only provide an approach to impart knowledge to students, but also offer places for peers to communicate and interact with each other. A belief has been shared in recent years that children learn better respect, tolerance, compassion, goodwill as well as other good attributes from the association with kind peers. On the other hand, children will be misled by bad companions. Faced with the situation, schools today, therefore, begin to focus on the ideology including moral values and world outlook, rather than simply lie stress on grades. For example, teacher would have exemplary students set examples to the rest in order to incite children's promising development.　看到这个would我就郁闷了，这一段是个is命题，要我们说，学校到底做到社会化了没，但是一个would出来我就茫然了，到底亲觉得学校做到了还是没做到呢？

In a not dissimilar way, in influence of the media can never be overlooked. Children today are surrounded by all kinds of information disseminated by TV, internet, broadcast and so forth. As a immature individual, a child hasn't enough ability to distinguish the beneficial information from the deleterious so that he will absorb all discriminately. Many a scientific researches reveal that there is irrefutable connection between the amount of violence depicted in the TV programs watched by children and increased aggression among them.　Realizing the harm, The Children’s Television Charter was presented by Anna Home at the First World Summit in March 1995 and initially endorsed by signatories in 38 countries to protect children from failure in the process of socialization.　　恩，这一段的例子可好了，在我看来，三个分论点里，只有这个明确的说明，媒体已经意识到他们对孩子社会化的影响，且已经做出了相应的回应来着．

In sum, the continuity and the further development of society lies in children's socialization because it is the relations between people that guarantee the existence of society and make it go ahead while the socialization of children has a lasting and profound impact on shaping their personalities during the course of life. Moreover, our society has deeply explore（explored） the effect factors and take a series of actions to ameliorate the situation with in the hope of a better society.

那啥，亲的语言功力日益强劲了，赞的话俺就不说了，亲知道就行了哈．文字及语法错误我是基本上看不出来了．
关于论证的话，我觉得还是有点问题，而且开头那一部分实在罗嗦，具体意见都在文中了哈．俺们还可以继续ＢＳ来着．
此外，亲可以看下草木那个关于段落逻辑关联词的使用的帖子，加上一点小词全文看起来可能会更为流畅吧．

一鞠躬，二鞠躬，三鞠躬，参拜牛人ＷＩＮＮＩＮＧ　妹妹！！！