0910G [trybest] 第一小组 argument173 by heliapple

heliappleUID: 2621347

This memorandum suggests the publisher of Newsbeat decrease the number of issues with the international news for its cover story and stop paying too much attention on the international news based on the following reasons. First, the cover story of their poorest selling magazine issues were those with international news. Second, their peer magazines draw their attention from international news during the same period. Third, the cost of reporting international news is increasing. It seems that the memo is logic, but the severe flaws make it inconvincible.

Firstly, the main reason that effects the selling of magazines is not only the cover story. It should be the content of that magazine. For those worst selling-issues, the reason why people do not interested in purchasing might be that the contents were too boring. There is a possibility that if it is not because of the  compelling cover story--the international news, the selling of those issues might be even worse.

Moreover, even if the poor selling is caused by the international news , the suggestion is too arbitrary to be taken. There are different kinds of international news, the air crash abroad, military action in Europe, the nuclear weapon in Iran. Besides the poorest selling ones, might be the best selling issues were also covered with international news. Thus, the more reasonable way is not to get rid of the international news from the cover, but to find out the kind of international news that people are most interested in and those only few people pay attention on. No doubt, if the magazine refrains the times of the “less attractive international news” showing on the cover, but keep focusing on those more popular topics, they sure might increase their circulation.

Furthermore, the fact that their peer magazines dramatically decreased their number of cover stories devoted to international news should not be viewed as an evidence to support the memo’s suggestion. On the contrary, it might actually suggest that those magazines changed their oriented population, from the mainstream to those retired people, householders and others who seldom concerned about things happened outside.  If this is true, Newsbeat should not decrease their attention on international news, conversely, it should pay more attention or at least keep focusing on the international news.   After all, for a magazine, it is a good chance to expand its population, to attract the readers of the other magazines before, when the others shift their emphasis.

This memo fails to convince me to fellow its suggestion. To make it more reliable, it should do more survey to find out the readers’ preference and the reasons its rivals decrease their devotion on the international news.

nlhustUID: 2404239

This memorandum suggests the publisher of Newsbeat decrease the number ofissues with the international news for its cover story and stop paying too much attention on the international news based on the following reasons. First, the cover story of their poorest selling magazine issues were those with international news. Second, their peer magazines draw their attention from international news during the same period.Third, the cost of reporting international news is increasing. It seems that the memo is logic, but the severe flaws make it inconvincible.

Firstly, the main reason that effects the selling of magazines is not only the cover story. It should be the content of that magazine. For those worst selling-issues, the reason why people do not interested in purchasing might be that the contents were too boring. There is a possibility that if it is not because of the compelling coverstory--the international news, the selling of those issues might beeven worse.

Moreover, even if the poor selling is caused by the international news, the suggestion is too arbitrary to be taken. There are different kinds of international news, the air crash abroad, military action in Europe, the nuclear weapon in Iran. Besides the poorest selling ones, might be the best selling issues were also covered with internationalnews.(were是多余的吧) Thus, the more reasonable way is not to get rid of the international news from the cover, but to find out the kind of international news that people are most interested in and those only few people pay attention on(什么意思，感觉这一句没写完). No doubt, if the magazine refrains thetimes of the “less attractive international news” showing on the cover,but keep focusing on those more popular topics, they sure might increase their circulation.

这一段里，在那个thus前面是不是应该先说一下不同internetional news所导致的不同效果？

Furthermore, the fact that their peer magazines dramatically decreased their number of cover stories devoted to international news should notbe viewed as an evidence to support the memo’s suggestion. On the contrary, it might actually suggest that those magazines changed their oriented population, from the mainstream to those retired people,house holders and others who seldom concerned about things happened outside.(为什么要change oriented population？所不定就是这样才能带来效益呢？所不定那些关心外界事情的人觉得报纸时效性太差，因此现在不买报纸而上网看新闻了呢？那么这样的话还是有必要减少国际新闻的报道的啊，所以感觉这一条的说服力不强) If this is true, Newsbeat should not decrease their attentionon international news, conversely, it should pay more attention or atleast keep focusing on the international news. After all, for amagazine, it is a good chance to expand its population, to attract thereaders of the other magazines before, when the others shift their emphasis.
这一段就是缺乏一个令人信服的例子来表明别人改变报道内容的重心并不代表着对international news的报道没有好结果。

This memo fails to convince me to fellow its suggestion. To make it more reliable, it should do more survey to find out the readers’ preference and the reasons its rivals decrease their devotion on the international news.

这篇文章中完全把最后一个理由即耗资问题抛开不谈。就像在242中也没谈到的错误类比一样，这个问题也比较重要，如果有足够的时间的话其实还是可以写一些的。

暂时就只能改成这样了，毕竟自己现在对argument也没摸着门路，而你的遣词造句有那么好，除了已经指出的地方外，其他地方给我的感觉都挺不错的。反正感觉像这样写下来应该就可以了，主要就是要注意各段驳斥时的内部结构及所举出的反例的可信度及说服力。以后写多了有了什么感想再交流吧。

GG86_FlyUID: 2641450

This memorandum suggests the publisher of Newsbeat decrease the number of issues with the international news for its cover story and stop paying too much attention on the international news based on the following reasons. First, the cover story of their poorest selling magazine issues were those with international news. Second, their peer magazines draw their attention from international news during the same period. Third, the cost of reporting international news is increasing. It seems that the memo is logic, but the severe flaws make it inconvincible. （总结的很好，结论、理由都给出来了）

Firstly, the main reason that effects the selling of magazines is not only the cover story. It should be the content of that magazine.（我认为这么写出来太绝对了，只能说这是一种可能性，不能说不是封面原因就一定是内容的原因） For those worst selling-issues, the reason why people do not interested in purchasing might be that the contents were too boring. There is a possibility that if it is not because of the compelling cover story？作者认为是封面的原因，这里你给出了compelling的评价？--the international news, the selling of those issues might be even worse.

Moreover, even if the poor selling is caused by the international news , the suggestion is too arbitrary to be taken. There are different kinds of international news, the air crash abroad, military action in Europe, the nuclear weapon in Iran. Besides the poorest selling ones, might be the best selling issues were also covered with international news. Thus, the more reasonable way is not to get rid of the international news from the cover, but to find out the kind of international news that people are most interested in and those only few people pay attention on. No doubt, if the magazine refrains the times of the “less attractive international news” showing on the cover, but keep focusing on those more popular topics, they sure might increase their circulation.

Furthermore, the fact that their peer magazines dramatically decreased their number of cover stories devoted to international news should not be viewed as an evidence to support the memo’s suggestion. On the contrary, it might actually suggest that those magazines changed their oriented population, from the mainstream to those retired people, householders and others who seldom concerned about things happened outside.  If this is true, Newsbeat should not decrease their attention on international news, conversely, it should pay more attention or at least keep focusing on the international news. （我认为从你给出的这个理由得到这个结论并不是很充分）  After all, for a magazine, it is a good chance to expand its population, to attract the readers of the other magazines before, when the others shift their emphasis.


第一段给出的第三个理由并没有攻击。
没有攻击错误类比，别的杂志减少了国际新闻封面不一定能成功，就算成功了，我们用业不一定可以。

This memo fails to convince me to fellow its suggestion. To make it more reliable, it should do more survey to find out the readers’ preference and the reasons its rivals decrease their devotion on the international news.

heliappleUID: 2621347

虚心接受，以后继续努力，谢谢你们的建议；）