0910AW 同主题写作第一期 ISSUE13 by xiaoxiaoW

xiaoxiaoWUID：2611108

ISSUE13"Many ofthe world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer peoplespeak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spokenshould act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct."



      The speaker puts forward the fact that we are losing many of the world’s lesser-known languages. I strongly agree with the speakers’ opinion that, to solve this problem, actions should be taken toprevent those non-mainstream languages from being extinct.
       Admittedly, we are losing thoselesser-known languages for the most ostensible reason that other wide-spread languages are used in most circumstances such as international conferences, trade, andeducation. We speak English in colleges, companies and meetings, translate our slogan of the Olympic Games into English, it seems that those lesser-known languages are truly out of use. Nevertheless, every language, as an inseparable part of every culture that derives from history simultaneously with the region, not only constitutes, but also reflects the diversity of culture. It worth saving. We’lll ose more than a language if it becomes extinct.
        let‘s  make an analysis between ancient Chinese architectures and those lesser-known languages. In recent years, those tall and cold buildings stand at every corner in Beijing, we regard Beijing as a well-developed city as New York and Paris since modern architectures upon which a well-developed city depends to be called modern exists, just like other western cities. We are losing Chinese ancient buildings with shingles and declining roofs, with streams meandering around and with the peaceful,non-competitive gist, just like we are losing lesser-known languages. The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for civilization. Chinese government have made numbers of ordinances to protect those extant old buildings because the authority are aware of the significance of them, so, it’s also necessary for the governments of countries which these languages are spoken to take actions to avoid the extinction of language because both old buildings and lesser-known languages reflect the culture of a region.
       We might find that those rare languages seems to be of great necessity to be saved, it means the government should put forward a language revitalization that is a process by which the language community through political community, and educational means attempts to increase the number of individuals who speak these rare languages. Those individuals should be encouraged to not only use rare languages on their own, but also transfer them to their descendents as a cultural indoctrination. In addition, the governments should ensure that rare language-educationis not distinguished in schools of different region where English is regarded as the native language, which is also utilized as the language to teach. Only thus can rare languages be well saved.
        We can make a conclusion that while those lesser-known languages are extinguishing, it’s definitely true and necessary for government sof countries which these languages are spoken take action to prevent the extinction,nevertheless it’s not enough, the basic two reasons of extinction is the overlook of the relationship between language and culture and the willing to be molten into the developed society via abandoning rare language which is not widely used. Only when people all over the world become aware of the importance of each language upon which a culture thrive, even survive, can this problem be solved successfully.

.C.C.UID：2645494

■语法
■逻辑
■整个段落

The speaker puts forward the fact(一般是put forward建议之类有创新的东西吧？我没见过有提出事实用这个的，允许我没见识) that we are losing many of the world’s lesser-known languages. I strongly agree with the speakers’ opinion that, to solve this problem, actions should be taken toprevent those non-mainstream languages from being extinct.
       Admittedly, we are losing thoselesser-known languages for the most ostensible reason that other wide-spread languages are used in most circumstances such as international conferences, trade, andeducation. We speak English in colleges, companies and meetings, translate our slogan of the Olympic Games into English, （句号）it seems that those lesser-known languages are truly out of use（前面只是说英语被广泛应用，但是你很突兀就来句因此小语种就没用了）. Nevertheless, every language, as an inseparable part of every culture that derives from history simultaneously with the region, not only constitutes, but also reflects the diversity of culture. It worth saving. We’lll ose more than a language if it becomes extinct. （我没见过这样的文章啊~第二段整领全文？）
        let‘s  make an analysis between ancient Chinese architectures and those lesser-known languages. In recent years, those tall and cold buildings（mansion？） stand at every corner in Beijing, we regard Beijing as a well-developed city as New York and Paris since modern architectures upon which a well-developed city depends to be called modern exists, just like other western cities.（这句话多余了，干嘛说北京发展的好啊？） We are losing Chinese ancient buildings with shingles and declining roofs, with streams meandering around and with the peaceful,non-competitive gist, just like we are losing lesser-known languages.（这个例子很不好，你应该在这边说的是lesser-known languages但是你却在说北京建筑，而且是大篇幅的） The disappearance of a language results in the death of a culture, an irreversible loss for civilization. Chinese government have made numbers of ordinances to protect those extant old buildings because the authority are aware of the significance of them, so, it’s also necessary for the governments of countries which these languages are spoken to take actions to avoid the extinction of language because both old buildings and lesser-known languages reflect the culture of a region.（没有论证出来需要保护，感觉都在写建筑呢）
       We might find that those rare languages seems to be of great necessity to be saved, it means the government should put forward a language revitalization that is a process by which the language community through political community, and educational means attempts to increase the number of individuals who speak these rare languages. Those individuals should be encouraged to not only use rare languages on their own, but also transfer them to their descendents as a cultural indoctrination. In addition, the governments should ensure that rare language-educationis not distinguished in schools of different region where English is regarded as the native language, which is also utilized as the language to teach. Only thus can rare languages be well saved. （采取措施保护）
        We can make a conclusion that while those lesser-known languages are extinguishing, （句号）it’s definitely true and necessary for government sof countries which these languages are spoken take action to prevent the extinction,nevertheless it’s not enough, （句号）the basic two reasons of extinction is the overlook of the relationship between language and culture and the willing to be molten into the developed society via abandoning rare language which is not widely used. Only when people all over the world become aware of the importance of each language upon which a culture thrive, even survive, can this problem be solved successfully.


1.弱弱的说下，整篇逻辑我都觉得很不好，你可以参考下别人的提纲先，要不就是你写的太高深我没能领会…………
2.句子间常用逗号连接，囧
3.没改很多是因为觉得改了也没意思，整篇的逻辑很不好，而且最该重点讨论的是不是该保护小语种，为什么，都没有说。
4.晚改了这么久……真的不好意思啦，最近比较忙…………