0910G[Try Best]第一小组 argument65 by nlhust

nlhustUID: 2404239

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 552          DATE: 2009-6-10


1、仅仅一家新开的店铺的一种domestic cheeses的销量好并不能说明所有的domestic cheese在全国范围内都很受欢迎。不知道其他的domestic cheeses是否受欢迎，也有可能新店开在Wisconsin州，而那里的人比较喜欢本地奶酪的味道。
2、调查的结果也不能说明domestic cheeses受欢迎，因为不知道调查样本的数量及参与调查的人住的地方。
3、如果说domestic cheeses并不一定比imported受欢迎，那么减少imported cheeses会减少成本并增加收益的假设就不成立。



With the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheeses last year and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, the author concludes that domestic cheeses are more popular among consumers. Then, based on this conclusion, together with the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses can help reduce expenses and improve profits, the author suggests that stocking less imported cheeses and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses would be the best way to improve profits in all of their stores. However, when scrutinizing the whole reasoning line, I find that the suggestion is unconvincing for the following reasons.

First of all, the domestic cheeses from Wisconsin sold well in the newest store cannot prove that all the domestic cheeses are popular throughout the whole country. Since Wisconsin's cheeses is only one kind domestic cheeses, we do not know whether other kinds of domestic cheeses also sold well last year. Therefore, we can hardly believe that all kinds of domestic cheeses are popular among people. What's more, living in different areas, people may prefer different taste. Maybe the newest store is located in Wisconsin, and consumers in that area are used to the taste of domestic cheddar cheeses, so that most of them choose to purchase the familiar kind of cheeses. But people in other states may even not know the Wisconsin's cheddar cheeses or they may not like the taste of those cheeses. If this is the case, stores in other places could not gain the same success with selling domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

The result of the survey cannot ensure the popularity of domestic cheeses as well. No information is given to show us the size of the survey and the identities of responders. If only few people had taken part in the survey, the result is not reliable at all. Also, what if the responders were consumers in a certain area? Then their opinions might be different from those in other areas. Thus, the result could not be an evidence to support the author's suggestion, for the chain of cheese stores are located throughout the United States.

As the author cannot prove the imported cheese do not sell so well as the domestic cheeses do, we could not predict the result of cutting down the inventory of the imported ones. Thus，the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses equals to less expenses and more profits is unreasonable. Maybe imported cheeses are selling well in most areas throughout the United State and one kilogram of imported cheeses is much more profitable than the same amount of domestic cheeses. Then taking the author's suggestion, the stores will lose a good way to gain profits.

In sum, the author make a suggestion to help improve the cheese stores' profits but his fails to offer some sufficient evidence. To convince us of his suggestion's efficiency, he need to provide more information about the sales of all kinds of domestic cheeses in other stores rather than only the newest one and more details about the survey. Only when these evidence are proved to be reliable, can we accept the author's assumption about the relationship between less invention of imported cheeses and more profits, and thus regard his suggestion as an appropriate way to gain profits.

heliappleUID: 2621347

1# nlhust
With the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheeses last year and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, the author concludes that domestic cheeses are more popular among consumers. Then, based on this conclusion, together with the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses can help reduce expenses and improve profits, the author suggests that stocking less imported cheeses and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses would be the best way to improve profits in all of their stores. However, when scrutinizing the whole reasoning line, I find that the suggestion is unconvincing for the following reasons.

First of all, the domestic cheeses from Wisconsin sold well in the newest store cannot prove that all the domestic cheeses are popular throughout the whole country. Since Wisconsin's cheeses is only one kind domestic cheeses, we do not know whether other kinds of domestic cheeses also sold well last year. Therefore, we can hardly believe that all kinds of domestic cheeses are popular among people. What's more, living in different areas, people may prefer different taste. Maybe the newest store is located in Wisconsin, and consumers in that area are used to the taste of domestic cheddar cheeses, so that most of them choose to purchase the familiar kind of cheeses. But people in other states may even not know the Wisconsin's cheddar cheeses or they may not like the taste of those cheeses. If this is the case, stores in other places could not gain the same success with selling domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

The result of the survey cannot ensure the popularity of domestic cheeses as well. No information is given to show us the size of the survey and the identities of responders. If only few people had taken part in the survey, the result is not reliable at all. Also, what if the responders were consumers in a certain area? Then their opinions might be different from those in other areas. Thus, the result could not be an evidence to support the author's suggestion, for the chain of cheese stores are located throughout the United States.

As the author cannot prove (that) the imported cheese don’t sell so well as the domestic cheeses do (are not as popular as the domestic cheeses), we could not predict the result of cutting down the inventory of the imported ones. Thus，the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses equals to less expense and more profits is unreasonable. Maybe imported cheeses are selling well in most areas throughout the United State and one kilogram of imported cheeses is much more profitable than the same amount of domestic cheeses. Then taking the author's suggestion, the stores will lose a good way to gain profits.

In sum, the author makes a suggestion to help improve the cheese stores' profits but his fails to offer some sufficient evidence. To convince us of his suggestion's efficiency(去掉后面这部分也不影响表达，反而似乎更好一些), he need to provide more information about the sales of all kinds of domestic cheeses in other stores rather than only the newest one and more details about the survey. Only when these evidence (evidences) are proved to be reliable, can we accept the author's assumption about the relationship between less invention of imported cheeses and more profits, and thus regard his suggestion as an appropriate way to gain profits.
整个论述条理清楚，语法错误也不太多，基本没有什么毛病可挑的。相反我在写这篇的时候觉得可以抨击的漏洞太多，搞得自己剪不清理还乱，直接崩溃掉。

442371236UID: 2636160

1、仅仅一家新开的店铺的一种domestic cheeses的销量好并不能说明所有的domestic cheese在全国范围内都很受欢迎。不知道其他的domestic cheeses是否受欢迎，也有可能新店开在Wisconsin州，而那里的人比较喜欢本地奶酪的味道。
2、调查的结果也不能说明domestic cheeses受欢迎，因为不知道调查样本的数量及参与调查的人住的地方。
3、如果说domestic cheeses并不一定比imported受欢迎，那么减少imported cheeses会减少成本并增加收益的假设就不成立。



With the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were  all domestic cheeses last year and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, the author concludes that domestic cheeses are more popular among consumers. Then, based on this conclusion, together with the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses can help reduce expenses and improve profits, the author suggests that stocking less imported cheeses and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses would be the best way to improve profits in all of their stores. However, when scrutinizing the whole reasoning line, I find that the suggestion is unconvincing for the following reasons. 第一段写了author的suggest的依据。表达也很清晰。不错。但两句表达都是用的长长的句子，一种句型表达的，可以尝试换换。

First of all, the domestic cheeses from Wisconsin sold well in the newest store cannot prove that all the domestic cheeses are popular throughout the whole country. Since Wisconsin's cheeses is only one kind domestic cheeses, we do not know whether other kinds of domestic cheeses also sold well last year. Therefore, we can hardly believe that all kinds of domestic cheeses are popular among people. 有点啰嗦，表达无错误，句子多，表达内容少，看着有点倦。也是我的毛病。What's more, living in different areas, people may prefer different taste. Maybe the newest store is located in Wisconsin, and consumers in that area are used to the taste of domestic cheddar cheeses, so that most of them choose to purchase the familiar kind of cheeses. But people in other states may even not know the Wisconsin's cheddar cheeses or they may not like the taste of those cheeses. If this is the case, stores in other places could not gain the same success with selling domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

第一段用了first of all ,后面怎么不用了？The result of the survey cannot ensure the popularity of domestic cheeses as well. No information is given to show us the size of the survey and the identities of responders. If only few people had have taken part in the survey, the result is not reliable at all. Also, what if the responders were consumers in a certain area? Then their opinions might be different from those in other areas. Thus, the result could not be an evidence to support the author's suggestion, for the chain of cheese stores are located throughout the United States.

As the author cannot prove 接句子的话一般都加个that否则句型有点混乱。（个人总结） the imported cheese do not sell so well as the domestic cheeses do, we could not predict the result of cutting down the inventory of the imported ones. Thus，the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses equals to less expenses and more profits is unreasonable. Maybe imported cheeses are selling well in most areas throughout the United State and one kilogram of imported cheeses is much more profitable than the same amount of domestic cheeses. Then taking the author's suggestion, the stores will lose a good way to gain profits.

In sum, the author makes a suggestion to help improve the cheese stores' profits but hishe fails to offer somesome多余 sufficient evidence. To convince us of his suggestion's efficiency, he need to provide more information about the sales of all kinds of domestic cheeses in other stores rather than only the newest one and more details about the survey. Only when these evidences are proved to be reliable, can we accept the author's assumption about the relationship between less inventioninventory of imported cheeses and more profits, and thus regard his suggestion as an appropriate way to gain profits.
攻击点我觉得大家都想的差不多。怎么表达出来就显得很重要了。我觉此文章涉及的攻击点还不算出众，至少可以多罗列几个，用一段来罗列那种小可能情况。而最可能的情况则分段消息叙述。像这里还可能是，前五种畅销的是国内的，但总的进口的比国内销得好这个有很大可能，这样放弃国外的显然是不可取的。所以可以试着句子写精，来增加文章内涵。嘿，我也是在这方面努力。总的来说不错。文章结构清晰，语法错误不多。句式变换也不乏出彩的地方，表达也流畅，但不太精炼，这都是大家的通病。大家一起努力吧。