0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by nlhust

nlhustUID: 2404239

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the presidentof a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide varietyof both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the fivebest-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddarcheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of theWorld magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheesesamong its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses bylimiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of ourstores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of importedcheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
WORDS: 552          DATE: 2009-6-10


1、仅仅一家新开的店铺的一种domestic cheeses的销量好并不能说明所有的domesticcheese在全国范围内都很受欢迎。不知道其他的domesticcheeses是否受欢迎，也有可能新店开在Wisconsin州，而那里的人比较喜欢本地奶酪的味道。
2、调查的结果也不能说明domestic cheeses受欢迎，因为不知道调查样本的数量及参与调查的人住的地方。
3、如果说domestic cheeses并不一定比imported受欢迎，那么减少imported cheeses会减少成本并增加收益的假设就不成立。



With the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest storewere all domestic cheeses last year and a survey by Cheeses of theWorld magazine, the author concludes that domestic cheeses are morepopular among consumers. Then, based on this conclusion, together withthe assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses can help reduceexpenses and improve profits, the author suggests that stocking lessimported cheeses and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses wouldbe the best way to improve profits in all of their stores. However,when scrutinizing the whole reasoning line, I find that the suggestionis unconvincing for the following reasons.

First of all, the domestic cheeses from Wisconsin sold well in thenewest store cannot prove that all the domestic cheeses are popularthroughout the whole country. Since Wisconsin's cheeses is only onekind domestic cheeses, we do not know whether other kinds of domesticcheeses also sold well last year. Therefore, we can hardly believe thatall kinds of domestic cheeses are popular among people. What's more,living in different areas, people may prefer different taste. Maybe thenewest store is located in Wisconsin, and consumers in that area areused to the taste of domestic cheddar cheeses, so that most of themchoose to purchase the familiar kind of cheeses. But people in otherstates may even not know the Wisconsin's cheddar cheeses or they maynot like the taste of those cheeses. If this is the case, stores inother places could not gain the same success with selling domesticcheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

The result of the survey cannot ensure the popularity of domesticcheeses as well. No information is given to show us the size of thesurvey and the identities of responders. If only few people had takenpart in the survey, the result is not reliable at all. Also, what ifthe responders were consumers in a certain area? Then their opinionsmight be different from those in other areas. Thus, the result couldnot be an evidence to support the author's suggestion, for the chain ofcheese stores are located throughout the United States.

As the author cannot prove the imported cheese do not sell so well asthe domestic cheeses do, we could not predict the result of cuttingdown the inventory of the imported ones. Thus，the assumption that lessinventory of imported cheeses equals to less expenses and more profitsis unreasonable. Maybe imported cheeses are selling well in most areasthroughout the United State and one kilogram of imported cheeses ismuch more profitable than the same amount of domestic cheeses. Thentaking the author's suggestion, the stores will lose a good way to gainprofits.

In sum, the author make a suggestion to help improve the cheese stores'profits but his fails to offer some sufficient evidence. To convince usof his suggestion's efficiency, he need to provide more informationabout the sales of all kinds of domestic cheeses in other stores ratherthan only the newest one and more details about the survey. Only whenthese evidence are proved to be reliable, can we accept the author'sassumption about the relationship between less invention of importedcheeses and more profits, and thus regard his suggestion as anappropriate way to gain profits.

cooljcqUID: 2498528

With the fact that the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheeses last year and a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine, the author concludes that domestic cheeses are more popular among consumers. Then, based on this conclusion, together with the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses can help reduce expenses and improve profits, the author suggests that stocking less imported cheeses and concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses would be the best way to improve profits in all of their stores. However, when scrutinizing the whole reasoning line（有这个用法？学习了）, I find that the suggestion is unconvincing for the following reasons.（开头写的挺好，可是这个开头就是对所给材料的总结，基本上找不到你的观点，这样的开头是不可取的，请参照相关资料查阅，提示：可看官方范文）

First of all, the domestic cheeses from Wisconsin sold well in the newest store cannot prove that all the domestic cheeses are popular throughout the whole country. Since Wisconsin's cheeses is only one kind domestic cheeses（这条原因你是怎么得来的）, we do not know whether other kinds of domestic cheeses also sold well last year（由于前一句这一句也没有说服力了）. Therefore, we can hardly believe that all kinds of domestic cheeses are popular among people. What's more, living in different areas, people may prefer different taste. Maybe the newest store is located in Wisconsin, and consumers in that area are used to the taste of domestic cheddar cheeses（感觉用这个你的假设当论据不太好，你可以转换一下表述方式可能会更好）, so that most of them choose to purchase the familiar kind of cheeses. But people in other states may even not know the Wisconsin's cheddar cheeses or they may not like the taste of those cheeses. If this is the case（if it is according to fact?）, stores in other places could not gain the same success with selling domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

The result of the survey cannot ensure the popularity of domestic cheeses as well. No information is given to show us the size of the survey(这个表述对吗？the scale of survey) and the identities of responders. If only few people had taken part in the survey, the result is not reliable at all. Also, what if the responders were consumers in a certain area? (这句话没懂)Then their opinions might be different from those in other areas. Thus, the result could not be an evidence to support the author's suggestion, for the chain of cheese stores are located throughout the United States（和前面不太衔接）.（这段的论述力度不够，理由也有点牵强了）

As the author cannot prove the imported cheese do not sell so well as the domestic cheeses do, we could not predict the result of cutting down the inventory of the imported ones. Thus（感觉这个词不恰当），the assumption that less inventory of imported cheeses equals to less expenses and more profits is unreasonable. Maybe imported cheeses are selling well in most areas throughout the United State and one kilogram of imported cheeses is much more profitable than the same amount of domestic cheeses. Then taking the author's suggestion（如果采取作者的意见，这个时态你再考虑一下）, the stores will lose a good way to gain profits.

In sum, the author make a suggestion to help improve the cheese stores' profits but his fails to offer some sufficient evidence. To convince us of his suggestion's efficiency, he need to provide more information about the sales of all kinds of domestic cheeses in other stores rather than only the newest one and more details about the survey. Only when these evidence are proved to be reliable, can we accept the author's assumption about the relationship between less invention of imported cheeses and more profits, and thus regard his suggestion as an appropriate way to gain profits.（最后一段写的不错，要是能注意和前面很好的照应就更好了）

综述，这篇文章总的构思比较清晰，但是说服力不够，通篇里的论证和反驳的力度不够。
如有说话不好听的地方，请包涵！