ARGUMENT207 =August Rush=小组第1次作业 by Mason.PD

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

这篇文章我已经被lela改过了 今天再次把修改后的贴上 望各位继续猛烈拍砖吧！

207.It is known that in recent years, industrial pollution has caused the Earth's ozone layer to thin, allowing an increase in the amount of ultraviolet radiation that reaches the Earth's surface. At the same time, scientists have discovered, the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs in mountain lakes has declined. Since ultraviolet radiation is known to be damaging to delicate tissues and since salamander eggs have no protective shells, it must be the case that the increase in ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs and prevented them from hatching. This process will no doubt cause population declines in other species, just as it has in the salamander species.

我们知道近年来工业污染导致地球臭氧层变薄，使到达地球表面的紫外线辐射增加。同时，学者发现在山区湖泊产卵的某种蜥蜴的数量下降了。由于紫外线辐射能够破坏脆弱的组织并且蜥蜴的卵没有保护壳，因此一定是紫外线辐射的增加破坏了很多蜥蜴的卵并阻止它们孵化。这一过程无疑也会导致其他物种数量的下降，就像发生在这种蜥蜴身上的一样。

论点：增加的紫外线辐射会使山区蜥蜴和其他物种数量下降

论据：1 山区湖泊产卵的某种蜥蜴的数量下降了

      2 紫外线辐射能够破坏脆弱的组织并且蜥蜴的卵没有保护壳

破题点：1 仅仅是山区湖泊的蜥蜴数量减少，不能说明其整个总群的数量减少。

        2 湖泊的蜥蜴数量减少，可能是因为当地的原因，比如河水污染

        3不能类比其它物种，孵化后代的方式不一样。可能根本不受影响

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

TOPIC: ARGUMENT207 - It is known that in recent years, industrial pollution has caused the Earth's ozone layer to thin, allowing an increase in the amount of ultraviolet radiation that reaches the Earth's surface. At the same time, scientists have discovered, the population of a species of salamander that lays its eggs in mountain lakes has declined. Since ultraviolet radiation is known to be damaging to delicate tissues and since salamander eggs have no protective shells, it must be the case that the increase in ultraviolet radiation has damaged many salamander eggs and prevented them from hatching. This process will no doubt cause population declines in other species, just as it has in the salamander species.
WORDS: 417          TIME: 03:14:58          DATE: 2009/6/1 0:44:19

In this argument the speaker claims that increasing ultraviolet radiation caused by the thinning of the Earth's ozone layer is responsible for the significant decline in the amount of the salamanders that lay their eggs in mountain lakes, as well as the decrease of the number of other spices. The facets that the salamander eggs lack a protective shell which makes them vulnerable to the radiation damage, and that the increased radiation will damage to delicate tissues and prevent the eggs from hatching, seeming to be convinced, prove to be groundless after a careful thinking.
To begin with, the author oversimplifies the fact that the salamander population is declining, because his assumption is merely based on the discovery that the number of salamanders laying eggs in mountain lakes is declining. It is entirely possible that only the population of such kind of salamanders decline while in other place the number is increasing rapidly. Lacking such evidence that this kind of salamander can be representative of the whole spices, the author cannot draw any conclusion.
Furthermore, even if the total salamander population is declining, the author also commits a mistake that he considers the ultraviolet radiation damage as the only reason for decrease of eggs just because the thinning of the earth ozone occurred before the salamander egg reducing. It is likely that both of the two are coincident. It is possible that the lake where the salamanders lay their eggs is polluted by some poisonous substance, which is the real reason that leads to the phenomenon.
Last but not the least, even assuming the total salamander population is declining as a result of increasing radiation, the author also fails to infer that other spices are susceptible to the population decline at the same time. Since different spices have different ways to breed their offspring, and since it happens to be that the salamander eggs with no protective eggs are extremely fragile to the radiation, we are more willing to believe that the author makes a false analogy.
In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author fails to make his conclusion convinced. To bolster his conclusion, the author should offer evidence that the ultraviolet radiation damage has a direct relation with the decline of salamander population without other probable sources. Also he should eliminate other possible explanations causing the eggs decreasing, and makes a specific survey on other species.

lela900UID: 2634833

倒，我说的不一定准撒～最好让你崇拜的几个斑斑来评下～哈哈

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

其实今天我看了一下自己的文章 发现模版确实很重。。。而且论证和提观点的篇幅都是55开。。。
开头尽量短了 还是短不了。。。。

lela900UID: 2634833

4# Mason.PD
那你说咱这A到底咋写??
很多考过的人都说A要准备模版撒~

对了,你可以看下A242改你的那人的作文,我改他的.你看了知道了~

wisleUID: 2578616

In this argument the speaker claims that increasing ultraviolet radiation caused by the thinning of the Earth's ozone layer is responsible for the significant decline in the amount of the salamanders that lay their eggs in mountain lakes, as well as the decrease of the number of other spices. The facets that the salamander eggs lack a protective shell which makes them vulnerable to the radiation damage, and that the increased radiation will damage to delicate tissues and prevent the eggs from hatching, seeming to be convinced（简洁seemingly convincing）, prove to be groundless after a careful thinking.
To begin with, the author oversimplifies（欣赏） the fact that the salamander population is declining, because his assumption is merely based on the discovery that the number of salamanders laying eggs in mountain lakes is declining. It is entirely possible that only the population of such kind of salamanders decline while in other place the number is increasing rapidly. Lacking such evidence that this kind of salamander can be representative of the whole spices,（原题中作者并没有提到整个种群，这里攻击似乎有点牵强） the author cannot draw any conclusion.
Furthermore, even if the total salamander population is declining, the author also commits a mistake that he considers the ultraviolet radiation damage as the only reason for decrease of eggs just because the thinning of the earth ozone occurred before the salamander egg reducing. It is likely that both of the two are coincident. It is possible that the lake where the salamanders lay their eggs is polluted by some poisonous substance, which is the real reason that leads to the phenomenon.
Last but not the least, even assuming the total salamander population is declining as a result of increasing radiation, the author also fails to infer that other spices are susceptible to the population decline at the same time. Since different spices have different ways to breed their offspring, and since it happens to be that the salamander eggs with no protective eggs are extremely fragile to the radiation, (表达有问题)we are more willing to believe that the author makes a false analogy.
In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author fails to make his conclusion convinced. To bolster his conclusion, the author should offer evidence that the ultraviolet radiation damage has a direct relation with the decline of salamander population without other probable sources. Also he should eliminate other possible explanations causing the eggs decreasing, and makes a specific survey on other species.

看了，两篇你写的A，整体感觉结构很清晰，但对攻击点的把握有点问题，建议到论坛上看看前辈没的攻击法。个人感觉，重点应放在A的逻辑上。句法和语法表现到还好，只是很少几处我没看都，我都注明了。

cqyanboUID: 2515250

In this argument the speaker claims that increasing ultraviolet radiation caused by the thinning of the Earth's ozone layer is responsible for the significant decline in the amount of the salamanders that lay their eggs in mountain lakes, as well as the decrease of the number of other spices. The facets that the salamander eggs lack a protective shell which makes them vulnerable to the radiation damage, and that the increased radiation will damage to delicate tissues and prevent the eggs from hatching, seeming to be convinced（我发现第一段的末句很流行这样的写法，但是个人觉得能不能把这种结构的句子分成两个小句子，这样更加清楚一点。）, prove to be groundless after a careful thinking.

To begin with, the author oversimplifies the fact that the salamander population is declining, because his assumption is merely based on the discovery that the number of salamanders laying eggs in mountain lakes is declining. It is entirely possible that only the population of such kind of salamanders decline while in other place the number is increasing rapidly. Lacking such evidence that this kind of salamander can be representative of the whole spices, the author cannot draw any conclusion.
这一段感觉说得太笼统，可以尝试驳斥得更细一点。另外我一直有个疑问，这篇argument是否提及了整个蜥蜴种群的数量会下降？还是只是讨论了在山中产卵的这种蜥蜴？可以一起探讨一下。

Furthermore, even if the total salamander population is declining, the author also commits a mistake that he considers the ultraviolet radiation damage as the only reason for decrease of eggs just because the thinning of the earth ozone occurred before the salamander egg reducing. It is likely that both of the two are coincident. It is possible that the lake where the salamanders lay their eggs is polluted by some poisonous substance, which is the real reason that leads to the phenomenon（这句话显得稍微有点主观）.
这一段还是比较笼统。驳斥理由不够充分。

Last but not the least, even assuming the total salamander population is declining as a result of increasing radiation, the author also fails to infer that other spices are susceptible to the population decline at the same time. Since different spices have different ways to breed their offspring, and since it happens to be that the salamander eggs with no protective eggs are extremely fragile to the radiation, we are more willing to believe that the author makes a false analogy.

In sum, judging from the aforementioned analysis, the author fails to make his conclusion convinced. To bolster his conclusion, the author should offer evidence that the ultraviolet radiation damage has a direct relation with the decline of salamander population without other probable sources. Also he should eliminate other possible explanations causing the eggs decreasing, and makes a specific survey on other species.

后注：
1.
因为句子语法上面错误不多，所以更多的关注整体的结构。
2.
这篇文章读下来，感觉三个段落给出的驳斥理由都不够充分。
3.
还有就是这篇argument是否提及了蜥蜴的整体情况？我想可以讨论一下。