Argument65 =so what=小组第四次作业 by ZhouPYF

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

写了1个多小时
离开模版 纯人肉写的……

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

1在新店卖得好不一定代表在所有地方国产的都卖的好
2调查不能证明人们肯定会去买国产
3就算国产的销量上去了，能不能盈利还是要看两者的成本和利润

ZhouPYFUID: 2633778

WORDS: 582
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2009-6-14 11:55:20

In this argument the president of cheese stores suggests that, since some information indicate that lots of people are becoming intreseted in domestic cheeses, in order to get more profits, they have to stop stocking imported cheese and focus on the domestic ones.To support his assertion, he cites two evidencs, one is that the best seller in five new stores in the past year were all domestic cheeses, and the other is a survey conducted by a magazine which shows the repliers have an increasing perference for domestic cheeses. The propose seems resonable at first glance, however, closer scrutiny would reveal several logical flaws he commits as illustrated below.

To begin with, being the best-selling cheeses at newest store does not necessarily mean being the best seller in all stores. Since the location of the new store is different from the old ones, people in that area may prefer domestic cheeses, so the sales of domestic increases, but people in other areas still like to buy imported ones. In addition, some other factors should also be taken into consideration upon the sales of the domestic cheeses, such as the tastes, the discount, the advertisement, etc. It is entire possible that the new store provides attractive discount and designs extensive advertisements to promote the domestic cheeses, but things may not be the same in the next year. Either of these scenarios, if true, would cause serious doubt on the conclusion that the domestic cheeses are more welcomed.

Moreover, simple judgment like people prefer domestic cheeses can not be made from the survey due to its lacks of detail information. First we are not sure whether this magazine is popular all over the nation or not, perhaps it is a local magazine with limited readers which shows no reference value to the conclusion. Secondly, granted that it is a nation wide publishes, we do not know the background of the respondents, maybe only people who are interested in the domestic cheeses replied to the survey. Thirdly, this may only reflect the recent fashion, whether this trend would last long needs further discussion. In all, the author has to provide more information regarding the survey in order to prove that people tend to buy more domestic cheeses in the future.

Finally, even if we concede that the domestic cheeses sell better than the imported ones, the profits grained from these two types of cheeses are unclear. It is highly possible that the stores can get the higher margins by selling the imported cheeses since the prices maybe more expensive. And no evidence is given to tell us the differences on the cost of inventory and other related expenses like logistic fee. If the cost of these two kinds of cheese are almost the same ,there maybe not necessary to stop stocking the imported ones. The argument is also weakened by the fact that the author neglects other expenses that are needed in order to run a store such as maintenance of the shop, the labor cost and so on. Unless these information are provides, we can not be persuaded to believe more profits can be drawn from the sales of domestic cheeses.

In sum, this argument lacks the credibility and reliability to the readers, in order to strengthen the idea, the author has to provide the details about the respondents of the survey, the reason why the domestic cheeses are the best-selling cheeses and how much profit can domestic cheeses gain compared with imported ones.

XOXLOLUID: 2309408

In this argument the president of cheese stores suggests that, since some information indicate（s) that lots of people are becoming intreseted in domestic cheeses, in order to get more profits, they have to stop stocking imported cheese and focus on the domestic ones.To support his assertion, he cites two evidencs, one is that the best seller in five new stores(貌似题目不是这样的吧）in the past year were all domestic cheeses, and the other is a survey conducted by a magazine which shows the repliers have an increasing perference for domestic cheeses. The propose seems resonable at first glance, however, closer scrutiny would reveal several logical flaws he commits as illustrated below.［第一段好长！restate会不会太多？（题外话：你一个小时就写了近600字 我佩服得五体投地！我现在的速度orz。可不可以传授下经验？）］

To begin with, being the best-selling cheeses at newest store does not necessarily mean being the best seller in all stores. Since the location of the new store is different from the old ones, people in that area may prefer domestic cheeses, so the sales of domestic increases, but people in other areas still like to buy imported ones. In addition, some other factors should also be taken into consideration upon the sales of the domestic cheeses, such as the tastes, the discount, the advertisement, etc. It is entire（entirely) possible that the new store provides attractive discount and designs extensive advertisements (这个什么意思？没理解）to promote the domestic cheeses, but things may not be the same in the next year. Either of these scenarios, if true, would cause（s) serious doubt on the conclusion that the domestic cheeses are more welcomed.(限时里写的语言也很流畅，逻辑也没问题）

Moreover, simple judgment like people prefer domestic cheeses can not be made from(make judgment from sth.可以怎么说吗？觉得from这里有问题，换成according to 或者base on好点吧） the survey due to its lacks of detail（detailed) information. First we are not sure whether this magazine is popular all over the nation or not, perhaps it is a local magazine with limited readers which shows no reference value to the conclusion. Secondly, granted that it is a nation wide publishes(publication), we do not know the background of the respondents, maybe only people who are interested in the domestic cheeses replied to the survey(这个论点说服力不够。为什么只有对国货感兴趣的人回答了survey？除非给个原因要不有点感觉不合常理）. Thirdly, this may only reflect the recent fashion, whether this trend would last long needs further discussion. In all, the author has to provide more information regarding the survey in order to prove that people tend to buy more domestic cheeses in the future.

Finally, even if we concede that the domestic cheeses sell better than the imported ones, the profits grained from these two types of cheeses are unclear. It is highly possible that the stores can get the higher margins by selling the imported cheeses since the prices maybe more expensive. And no evidence is given to tell us the differences on the cost of inventory and other related expenses like logistic fee. If the cost of these two kinds of cheese are almost the same ,there maybe not necessary（it maybe not necessary/there maybe no necessaity) to stop stocking the imported ones.(两个花费相等为什么就没必要停止进口的？） The argument is also weakened by the fact that the author neglects other expenses（前面不是已经提到logistic fee？）that are needed in order to run a store such as maintenance of the shop, the labor cost and so on. Unless these information are provides, we can not be persuaded to believe more profits can be drawn from the sales of domestic cheeses.

In sum, this argument lacks the credibility and reliability to the readers, in order to strengthen the idea, the author has to provide the details about the respondents of the survey, the reason why the domestic cheeses are the best-selling cheeses and how much profit can domestic cheeses gain compared with（为什么不是to） imported ones.
一个小时写的 太强了 逻辑清晰 语言流畅

2006201652UID: 2496703

In this argument the president of cheese stores suggests that, since some information indicate that lots of people are becoming intreseted in domestic cheeses, in order to get more profits, they have to stop stocking imported cheese and focus on the domestic ones.To support his assertion, he cites two evidencs, one is that the best seller in five new stores in the past year were all domestic cheeses, and the other is a survey conducted by a magazine which shows the repliers have an increasing perference for domestic cheeses. The propose seems resonable at first glance, however, closer scrutiny would reveal several logical flaws he commits as illustrated below.

To begin with, being the best-selling cheeses at newest store does not necessarily mean being the best seller in all stores. Since the location of the new store is different from the old ones, people in that area may prefer domestic cheeses, so the sales of domestic increases, but people in other areas still like to buy imported ones. In addition, some other factors should also be taken into consideration upon the sales of the domestic cheeses, such as the tastes, the discount, the advertisement, etc. It is entire possible that the new store provides attractive discount and designs extensive advertisements to promote the(sales of) domestic cheeses, but things may not be the same in the next year(following years). Either of these scenarios, if true, would cause serious doubt on the conclusion that the domestic cheeses are more welcomed.

Moreover, simple judgment like people prefer domestic cheeses can not be made from the survey due to its lacks of detail information. First we are not sure whether this magazine is popular all over the nation or not, perhaps it is a local magazine with limited readers which shows no reference value to the conclusion. Secondly, granted that it is a nation wide publishes, we do not know the background of the respondents, maybe only people who are interested in the domestic cheeses replied to the survey. Thirdly, this may only reflect the recent fashion, whether this trend would last long needs further discussion. In all, the author has to provide more information regarding the survey in order to prove that people tend to buy more domestic cheeses in the future（这句话应该是总结前三点吧，好像只是对第三点的补充哦）.(层层递进，用得很好)

Finally, even if we concede that the domestic cheeses sell better than the imported ones, the profits grained from these two types of cheeses are unclear. It is highly possible that the stores can get the higher （profit）margins by selling the imported cheeses since the prices maybe more expensive. And no evidence is given to tell us the differences on the cost of inventory and other related expenses like logistic fee. If the cost of these two kinds of cheese are almost the same ,there maybe not necessary to stop stocking the imported ones. The argument is also weakened by the fact that the author neglects other expenses that are needed in order to run a store such as maintenance of the shop, the labor cost and so on（这个有必要说吗？我觉得又不是新开店，只是全部卖domestic cheese，你说的那些变动不是很大吧。两者收入是否一样，没有IC是否回丢失很多顾客，都会影响DC是否会像作者想得那样利润很高，我觉得本题主要是收入问题，成本问题变化不大）. Unless these information are provides, we can not be persuaded to believe more profits can be drawn from the sales of domestic cheeses.

In sum, this argument lacks the credibility and reliability to the readers, in order to strengthen the idea, the author has to provide the details about the respondents of the survey, the reason why the domestic cheeses are the best-selling cheeses and how much profit can domestic cheeses gain compared with imported ones.
  思路清晰，攻击点及论述很合理充分，语言流畅。 :D 看你的作文，真不好找错误！！找的错误基本上是吹毛求疵类型...
继续加油！

mqi07UID: 2521740

In this argument the president of cheese stores suggests that, since some information indicate(indicates) that lots of people are becoming intreseted in domestic cheeses, in order to get more profits, they have to stop stocking imported cheese and focus on the domestic ones.To support his assertion, he cites two evidencs(表证据时 不可数), one is that the best seller in five new stores（与题意不符） in the past year were（主谓不一致） all domestic cheeses, and the other is a survey conducted by a magazine which shows the repliers have an increasing perference for domestic cheeses. The propose seems resonable at first glance, however, closer scrutiny would reveal several logical flaws he commits as illustrated below.

To begin with, being the best-selling cheeses at newest store does not necessarily mean being the best seller in all stores. Since the location of the new store is different from the old ones, people in that area may prefer domestic cheeses, so（since 和so不能一起用） the sales of domestic increases, but people in other areas still like to buy imported ones. In addition, some other factors should also be taken into consideration upon the sales of the domestic cheeses, such as the tastes, the discount, the advertisement, etc. It is entire possible that the new store provides attractive discount and designs extensive advertisements to promote the domestic cheeses, but things may not be the same in the next year（另外一个批驳点，在另起一句较好）. Either of these scenarios, if true, would cause serious doubt on the conclusion that the domestic cheeses are more welcomed.

Moreover, simple judgment like（like不能做连词，它是介词 接名词或名词性短语） people prefer domestic cheeses can not be made from the survey due to（后面不能接句子） its lacks of detail information. First we are not sure whether this magazine is popular all over the nation or not, perhaps it is a local magazine with limited readers which shows no reference value（参考价值 好词 学习） to the conclusion. Secondly, granted （好词 学习）that it is a nation wide publishes（呃，publish没有名词形式 貌似；你这里是要表示发行物吧 用issue或publication都行）, we do not know the background of the respondents, maybe（加个they are更好吧） only people who are interested in the domestic cheeses replied to the survey. Thirdly, this may only reflect the recent fashion, whether this trend would last long needs further discussion. In all, the author has to provide more information regarding the survey in order to prove that people tend to buy more domestic cheeses in the future.

Finally, even if we concede that the domestic cheeses sell better than the imported ones, the profits grained from these two types of cheeses are unclear. It is highly possible that the stores can get the higher margins by selling the imported cheeses since the prices maybe more expensive. And no evidence is given to tell us the differences on the cost of inventory and other related expenses like logistic fee. If the cost of these two kinds of cheese are almost the same ,there maybe（一起写是副词，分开写是动词 这里应该分开） not necessary to stop stocking the imported ones. The argument is also weakened by the fact that the author neglects other expenses that are needed in order to run a store such as maintenance of the shop, the labor cost and so on. Unless these information are provides（d), we can not be persuaded to believe more profits can be drawn from the sales of domestic cheeses.

In sum, this argument lacks the credibility and reliability to the readers, in order to strengthen the idea, the author has to provide the details about the respondents of the survey, the reason why the domestic cheeses are the best-selling cheeses and how much profit can domestic cheeses gain compared with imported ones.

一个小时能写这么好  我每次都得纠结好久 学习学习