0910G Issue140 By Lucarl

lucarlUID: 2616426

TOPIC: ISSUE140 - "What society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in the greatest discontent."
WORDS: 601
TIME: 写作用时00:45:00 修改用时00:35:00
DATE: 2009-6-18 18:39:42

Almost every worldwide achievement will bring some new problems. But we should keep going on the search of science and make the technology achievements a tool for us to better our lives.

The industry Revolution is known as the most effective event which improves the productivity immeasurably. But it also brings some environmental problems. For instance, the invention of cars greatly enhanced the pace of life. People were enjoying a faster and effective life than ever before for about decades. However, as more and more cars are joining the streams of vehicles, air pollution caused by the waste gas cars excluded becomes a major part of different kinds of pollutions. And also, more cars and faster speed means more likely to have accidents threatening the drivers and others’ lives.

Not only is the physical world suffering from the development of technology, but the spiritual world of humans. The massive production of personal computers introduced Internet to millions of households. People are getting use to communicate through Internet. Some are even relying on the Internet, they order foods and shop online, their friends come from every corner of the world but they have never met each other. Once they were cut from the Internet world, they become unease, easy to be mad at people, and depressed. Please note the videogame masters, who are more likely to be fat guys eating ordering foods at home and restlessly play online to get some in-game gears to sell for real dollars which keep them playing. That is, I have to say, a tragedy of technology.

These internuts often have some mental faults. On merely several words or lines, they prefer to judge people that they haven't met easily, which indicates lack of patience. You can just visit some major forums and the easily found over-reacted comments can tell you the truth. Moreover, they are often quicker than average people to give up. For this, I’d like to take those GRE test takers with nonenglish language who stopped at the words level.

Some achievements in science even evoked the concerning of all human beings. The use of nuclear power is a never-end issue. If be developed into weapons, residents on earth, including human and other creatures, are the only victims, regarding no nationalities and races.

Another example is the technology of Cloning. The original purpose of this technology, I believe, is to find a way to meet the needs of organs for transplantation. But, the longer the scientists observed, and the social critics express their concerns, the more worried people become, of Cloning at a humanity and moral level. Dolly is the first cloned sheep, and also creature, on earth. But imagines a perfect duplicated you standing under your nose. No one would consider more than one second before going crazy. What if he or she replaces you in your family and you are discredited from all your friends and your family? There are a lot of movie on such theme give answers to this question.

Although more problems technology brings than they solve, we should still follow the pathway of seeking higher technology. It is the cars that decreased the time we spend on roads and made us focus on things more important. It is the Internet makes mother and son keep in touch more easily. It is nuclear power taking up the burden of electricity power supply for more and more people's daily use. And Cloning do have made some successful transplantations. All in all, what technology brings to us depends on our use of it. It is a tool for us to better our lives.

附提纲：

观点：进步几乎是一定会给人类带来行的问题。但是科技产生的问题取决于人们使用它的方法。

1、工业革命使得生产力大大提高，问题却也大大增多
2、最标志性的产物——汽车。污染环境
3、另一个产物——网络。腐化一部分人的内心，暴露人的丑恶。
4、这些都引起人们的不满。但是同时，这些对现实的不满能够激励人类更加进步，取得更大的成就。

貌似写出来和提纲有点出入了。。。最后总结时在开头和结尾找补了找补。

汗自己一个，真能跑题。

lucarlUID: 2616426

发个帖测试一下电脑时间和论坛的时间差。。。

呃，测试时间失败，居然diz7.0显示时间怎么不厚道。。。

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

这次改你的

lucarlUID: 2616426

谢谢斑竹~呵呵~

sakuraanneUID: 2253519

TOPIC: ISSUE140 - "What society has thought to be its greatest social, political, and individual achievements have often resulted in the greatest discontent."
WORDS: 601
TIME: 写作用时00:45:00 修改用时00:35:00
DATE: 2009-6-18 18:39:42
Almost every worldwide achievement will bring (the world) some new problems. But we should keep going on（continue,少用词组，用单字可以更书面化） the search of(in) science and make the technology achievements a tool for us去掉 to better our lives.

The industry Revolution is known as the most effective event which improves the productivity immeasurably. But it also brings some environmental problems. For instance, the invention of cars greatly enhanced the pace of life. People were enjoying a faster and (more) effective (way of) life than ever before for about(去掉) decades. However, as more and more cars are joining the streams of vehicles, air pollution caused by the waste gas (which) cars excluded（？直接waste emission不行吗？） becomes a major part of different kinds of pollutions. And also, more cars and (their) faster speed means (greater threats toward people.) more likely to have accidents threatening the drivers and others’ lives.

Not only is the physical world suffering from the development of technology, but the spiritual world of humans. The massive production of personal computers introduced Internet to millions of households. People are getting use (used) to communicate (我记得这个词组后面好像跟名词，应该是communicating) through Internet. Some are even relying on the Internet, they order foods（food） and shop online,（；） their friends come from every corner of the world but they have never met each other. Once they were（这是要用虚拟语气？那后面应该would become） cut from the Internet world, they become unease, easy to be mad at people, and depressed. Please note the videogame masters(what’s this?), who are more likely to be fat guys eating ordering foods at home and restlessly play online to get some in-game gears to sell for real dollars which keep them playing. That is, I have to say, a tragedy of technology.

These internuts（？！有这个词？） often have some mental faults（说的过于严重）. On merely several words or lines, they prefer to judge people that they haven't met easily, which indicates lack of patience. You can just visit some major forums and the easily found over-reacted comments can tell you the truth. Moreover, they are often quicker than average people to give up. For this, I’d like to take those GRE test takers with nonenglish language who stopped at the words level.（kinda arrogant,在issue中不很合适。）

Some achievements in science even evoked the concerning of all human beings. The use of nuclear power is a never-end issue. If be（？） developed into weapons, residents on earth, including human and other creatures, are the only victims, regarding no nationalities and races. 句子有问题
Another example is the technology of Cloning. The original purpose of this technology, I believe, is to find a way to meet the needs of organs for transplantation. But, the longer the scientists observed, and the social critics express their concerns, the more worried people become, of Cloning at a humanity and moral level. Dolly is the first cloned sheep, and also creature, on earth. But imagines a perfect duplicated you standing under your nose. No one would consider more than one second before going crazy. What if he or she replaces you in your family and you are discredited from all your friends and your family? There are a lot of movie on such theme give answers to this question.

Although more problems technology brings than they solve, we should still follow the pathway of seeking higher technology. It is the cars that decreased the time we spend on roads and made us focus on things more important. It is the Internet makes mother and son keep in touch more easily. It is nuclear power taking up the burden of electricity power supply for more and more people's daily use. And Cloning do have made some successful transplantations. All in all, what technology brings to us depends on our use of it. It is a tool for us to better our lives.

lz很细心，还列出了中文提纲，谢谢体贴。今晚才批改，望体谅。语言上需要加强，在注重思维的同时不妨多读多模仿好文章。写长句要谨慎，避免句式杂糅。不确定的话宁可多写短句，以立意取胜最重要。
这个题目greatest很难定义，如果单从great来模糊讨论，而忽视最高级的存在，文章立意和深度都会下降很多。什么叫最伟大的成就导致最大的不满？这个题目就太绝对。伟大的成就很难定义最，只能通过时间来检验是否经得起考验。
展开上，我觉得可以分长期和短期来讨论。有些开始看来是卓越的贡献，长期观察就显露出不可逆转的问题。比如DDT，反应停，核武器。有些一直都很卓越，没有出现问题。还有些是很伟大，但出现的问题可以通过人为努力加以缓解或解决。比如网络和污染。这些情况很难一概而论。

missingusaUID: 2625832

楼主好像着重从科技发展的角度进行了论述 我在郑辛遥的漫画里看到过一句话,大致意思是:所谓科学就是当你解决了一个问题以后,又有10个新问题冒出来. 不知道是谁的名言,不过我觉得似乎可以移植一下,仅供楼主参考~

lucarlUID: 2616426

版主，这篇文章我写的时候就不顺利，改起来也巨艰辛，尝试了好几次都没有整理出合适的思路。

等找个时间充裕的时候我再好好修改，所有写过的习作我都不会放过的~fight~

再次谢谢斑竹~

也谢谢ls同学的建议。