0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by saya

银落UID: 2632560

Argument65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."


Grounding on the two facts--one is that the five best-selling cheeses at newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses, and another one is the survey, conducted by Cheese of the World magazines, indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers, the author recommends to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and turn to domestic cheeses in order to reduce expenses by limiting inventory. However, close scrutiny of correlation and inference behind this argument reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the recommendation.

To begin with, simply believing in the role of five best-selling being all domestic cheddar cheeses at newest stores in determination of domestic one is far better than imported one is an insufficient characterization. The fact mentioned by the author is happened at newest store. Then it is reasonable to doubt whether the five best-selling one are because of the domestic cheese alone. It is entirely possible that newest store focus on domestic one more than on the imported one because they want to feature their newest stores with domestic breeds. As we know, consumers are more willing to purchase products with more recommendation especially when such recommendation comes from the store owner. And it is equally possible that this top five domestic ones are highly promoted in past one year since domestic ones are not popular at stores, according to the past experiences in other regions. Also, consumers always prefer a discounted one when deciding which cheese to choose from. What is more, the author only noted that the five best-selling ones, not the detailed sales of each one and whether imported cheeses are not gaining a large amount of consumers. Perhaps the rest of the best-selling ones are all imported cheeses and the difference between cheeses ranked six and ten between top five are marginal. And that imported ones are having an increasing welcome while the top five domestic ones are not so popular as before is also an possible one. So without considering or ruling out such possibilities, the assumption that domestic cheeses overweight the imported ones is groundless.

In addition, another major problem in this argument is a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine. First, in evaluating the survey, one must consider whether the survey is directed. We do not know whether the question is simply the comparison between domestic and imported. If the question goes like "In terms of shape, taste, looking, which cheese do you like most?" Then the answer may full with variety of different kinds of cheese and the result may be categorized the varying answer into two type--domestic and imported, confusing the best one with the preference. Second, we can see all respondents are the magazine subscribers. Obviously, the result might be attributable to those particular individuals, who prefer the domestic cheeses. It also possible that only those speak highly of the domestic ones send back their questionnaire. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most people. Third, even if it is true that the survey carries out the real results, the most favorite cheeses may not include the five best-selling cheeses.

Last but not the least, assuming it is the domestic cheeses that are more popular than the imported ones, it is also assumptous to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. No evidences suggest that the sales of imported one are plummeting, the author just mentioned the best sales of the domestic ones. Moreover, what about that the purchase price in stocking the domestic ones is higher than imported ones, which leads to a lower profits? What about that such tendency fade away in the future and all stocking products will bring about a great loss? All of these "maybe" things weaken the conviction of the recommendation.

The recommendation is well intentioned, but unpersuasive. After the scrutiny, the argument is fraught with logically flaws as it stands. If more detailed situation about whether domestic are most popular throughout the United States can be provided, if more exact information of the survey can be offered, and if more other significant element in promoting the profits can be considered, then the recommendation will turn to better. Otherwise, we have every reason to doubt the trustworthiness of the recommendation.

brisk1111UID: 2571604

Grounding on the（？） two facts--one is that the five best-selling cheeses at newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses, and another one is the （a）survey, conducted by Cheese of the World magazines, indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers, the author recommends to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and turn to domestic cheeses in order to reduce expenses by limiting inventory. However, close scrutiny of correlation and inference behind this argument reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the recommendation.抛弃的模版的开头，赞！

To begin with, simply believing in the role of five best-selling being all domestic cheddar cheeses at newest stores in determination of domestic one is far better than imported one is an insufficient characterization. The fact mentioned by the author is happened at newest store. Then it is reasonable to doubt whether the five best-selling one are because of the domestic cheese alone. It is entirely possible that newest store focus on domestic one more than on the imported one because they want to feature their newest stores with domestic breeds. As we know, consumers are more willing to purchase products with more recommendation especially when such recommendation comes from the store owner. And it is equally possible that this（the）top five domestic ones are highly promoted in past one year since domestic ones are not popular at stores, according to the past experiences in other regions.（不要后面的因为好像更有说服力，或者说成厂家希望促销等） Also, consumers always prefer a discounted one when deciding which cheese to choose from. What is more, the author only noted that the five best-selling ones, not the detailed sales of each one and whether imported cheeses are not gaining a large amount of consumers. Perhaps the rest of the best-selling ones are all imported cheeses and the difference between cheeses ranked six and ten between top five are marginal. And that imported ones are having an increasing welcome while the top five domestic ones are not so popular as before is also an possible one.（去掉） So without considering or ruling out such possibilities, the assumption that domestic cheeses overweight the imported ones is groundless.

In addition, another major problem in this argument is a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine. First, in evaluating the survey, one must consider whether the survey is directed. We do not know whether the question is simply the comparison between domestic and imported. If the question goes like "In terms of shape, taste, looking, which cheese do you like most?" Then the answer may full with variety of different kinds of cheese and the result may be categorized the varying answer into two type--domestic and imported, confusing the best one with the preference. Second, we can see all respondents are the magazine subscribers. Obviously, the result might be attributable to those particular individuals, who prefer the domestic cheeses. It also possible that only those speak highly of the domestic ones send back their questionnaires. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most people. Third, even if it is true that the survey carries out the real results, the most favorite cheeses may not include the five best-selling cheeses.

Last but not the least（这个表达是一个很口语化得表达，换别的吧）, assuming it is the domestic cheeses that are more popular than the imported ones, it is also assumptous to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. No evidences suggest that the sales of imported one are plummeting, the author just mentioned the best sales of the domestic ones. Moreover, what about that the purchase price in stocking the domestic ones is higher than imported ones, which leads to a lower profits? What about that such tendency fade away in the future and all stocking products will bring about a great loss? All of these "maybe" things weaken the conviction of the recommendation.

The recommendation is well intentioned, but unpersuasive. After the scrutiny, the argument is fraught with logically flaws as it stands. If more detailed situation about whether domestic are most popular throughout the United States can be provided, if more exact information of the survey can be offered, and if more other significant element in promoting the profits can be considered, then the recommendation will turn to better. Otherwise, we have every reason to doubt the trustworthiness of the recommendation.
写的相当的不错，是我看到的论证最充分的文章，展开的很深入，有说服力，找了好久也没找出什么大的错误，见谅。在语言上再花些功夫，有写句子看着还有写纠结。一定会有个好成绩的！下一步就是好好的限时了。

银落UID: 2632560

谢谢批改啦~。。。不过自己总觉得写得不是很清晰。。有些中文意思英语表达不来。。。逻辑依然感觉有点混乱。。。这周争取改改~。。恩。。。楼上的也加油哈。。

snail8843UID: 2516929

1# 银落

0910AW 同主题写作第五期 ARGUMENT65 by saya
Grounding on the two facts--one is that the five best-selling cheeses at newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses, and another one is the survey, conducted by Cheese of the World magazines, indicating an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers, the author recommends to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and turn to domestic cheeses in order to reduce expenses by limiting inventory. However, close scrutiny of correlation and inference behind this argument reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the recommendation.

To begin with, simply believing in the role of five best-selling being all domestic cheddar cheeses at newest stores in determination of domestic one is far better than imported one is an insufficient characterization.（句子超长…） The fact mentioned by the author is happened at newest store. Then it is reasonable to doubt whether the five best-selling one are because of the domestic cheese alone. It is entirely possible that newest store focus on domestic one more than on the imported one because they want to feature their newest stores with domestic breeds. As we know, consumers are more willing to purchase products with more recommendation especially when such recommendation comes from the store owner. And it is equally possible that this(these) top five domestic ones are highly promoted in past one year since domestic ones are not popular at stores, according to the past experiences in other regions. Also, consumers always prefer a discounted(哪有提到折扣了呢？) one when deciding which cheese to choose from. What is more, the author only noted that the five best-selling ones, not the detailed sales of each one and whether imported cheeses are not gaining a large amount of consumers. Perhaps the rest of the best-selling ones are all imported cheeses and the difference between cheeses ranked six and ten between top five are marginal. And that imported ones are having an increasing welcome while the top five domestic ones are not so popular as before is also an possible one. So without considering or ruling out such possibilities, the assumption that domestic cheeses overweight the imported ones is groundless.（一个段落写了260个字…）

In addition, another major problem in this argument is a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine. First, in evaluating the survey, one must consider whether the survey is directed. We do not know whether the question is simply the comparison between domestic and imported. If the question goes like "In terms of shape, taste, looking, which cheese do you like most?" Then the answer may full with variety of different kinds of cheese and the result may be categorized the varying answer into two type--domestic and imported, confusing the best one with the preference. Second, we can see all respondents are the magazine subscribers. Obviously, the result might be attributable to those particular individuals, who prefer the domestic cheeses. It also possible that only those speak highly of the domestic ones send back their questionnaire. Hence, the generalization drawn might not apply to most people. Third, (这个错误关系不大吧，是不是前五名的奶酪有什么关系呢？作者就是想证明国内奶酪受欢迎)even if it is true that the survey carries out the real results, the most favorite cheeses may not include the five best-selling cheeses.

Last but not the least, assuming it is the domestic cheeses that are more popular than the imported ones, it is also assumptous to discontinue stocking varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. No evidences suggest that the sales of imported one are plummeting, the author just mentioned the best sales of the domestic ones. Moreover, what about that the purchase price in stocking the domestic ones is higher than imported ones, which leads to a lower profits? What about that such tendency fade away in the future and all stocking products will bring about a great loss? All of these "maybe" things weaken the conviction of the recommendation.(建议从利润的角度考虑下这个错误的攻击方式)

The recommendation is well intentioned, but unpersuasive. After the scrutiny, the argument is fraught with logically flaws as it stands. If more detailed situation about whether domestic are most popular throughout the United States can be provided, if more exact information of the survey can be offered, and if more other significant element in promoting the profits can be considered, then the recommendation will turn to better. Otherwise, we have every reason to doubt the trustworthiness of the recommendation.(这样的结尾段风格不常见…建议看看范文的结尾方式)

总结：字数太多！！！考场上30分钟写的出这么多字么？…
      问题和arguement53差不多…

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