ARGUMENT127 =August Rush=小组第2次作业 by Mason.PD

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

127.The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

为提高我们的员工的生产效率，我们应该在员工的终端上加装电子监控来监视员工对互联网的使用。如果我们要减少用于私人以及娱乐活动，比如购物或玩游戏的工作时间，在终端上使用互联网的员工必须要被确认并且受到惩罚。通过在公司电脑上安装检测员工使用互联网的软件，我们可以防止员工浪费时间，并培养Climpson更好的工作氛围，以及提高我们的整体利润。

破题点
1.上网不一定会降低员工效率
   a。员工需要通过网络了解最新消息，适度娱乐有助于提高效率
   b。员工之间的闲聊，嬉闹等浪费效率的行为与上网无关。

2.监控软件的存在会破坏公司和谐向上的工作氛围。

3.安装监控软件的成本可能远大于其所带来的潜在收益。

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 386
TIME: 00:52:40
DATE: 2009/6/1 16:26:53

In this argument, the author concludes that in order to improve the employees’ productivity, and foster a better work ethic at Climpso, the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees. At first glance, the author's reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author's reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing.

The threshold problem is that the author makes a improper casual relationship between using Internet and employees' working efficiency. No evidence is offered to support this assumption. A multitude of factors could contribute to Internet using. For instance, people need to use Internet to gain the latest news, which is beneficial to their work. On the other hand, employees also have multiply choices to do their personal activities. They can play so many games without using Internet. Also, perhaps they go out for shopping or other personal things, which may be more common in Climpson after using electronic monitoring. Without eliminating every possible factor, the author cannot draw a conclusion that using Internet is wasting time, let alone improving productivity by restricting Internet use.

Even assume that restricting Internet use can improve the productivity, the author's claim that it can foster a better work ethic is unjustifiable. No evidence have been provided that working condition becomes bad because of using Internet for personal activities. Maybe spending a little time doing this kind of entertainment can enable the employees have a higher efficiency after enjoying this satisfaction. Also, it is possible that it does harm the harmonious atmosphere between the employees and employers after restricting Internet use. Therefore, the author's statement can be no more tenable.

Even assuming the limitation can foster a better work ethic, the author fails to convince us this software can improve overall profits. The author does not offer us any information about the costs involved in buying these software, installing them, and maintaining them. If so, the cost might prevent Climpson from earning a profit.

In sum, the author cannot justify his voting recommendation on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the editorial. To better bolster his argument, the author should offer more information about whether employees use Internet for their own purpose, and whether the current working condition is badly influenced by Internet using. The author should also needs to evaluate the cost to purchase this software.

尾羽UID: 2482591

TOPIC: ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
WORDS: 386    TIME: 00:52:40   DATE: 2009/6/1 16:26:53

In this argument, the author concludes that in order to improve the employees’ productivity, and foster a better work ethic at Climpson, the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees(for employees’ computers). At first glance, the author's reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author's reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing(while with a clear examining，we may find that it is unconvincing.).

The threshold problem is that the author makes a(an) improper casual(这个词在这里作何解？) relationship between using Internet and employees' working efficiency. No evidence is offered to support this assumption. A multitude of factors could contribute to Internet using. For instance, people need to use Internet to gain the latest news, which is beneficial to their work. On the other hand, employees also have multiply choices to do their personal activities. They can play so many games without using Internet. Also, perhaps they go out for shopping or other personal things, which may be more common in Climpson after using electronic monitoring. Without eliminating every possible factor, the author cannot draw a conclusion that using Internet is wasting time, let alone improving productivity by restricting Internet use.(这段的思路在我看来比较微妙，开始觉得有点不明白，因为你同时举了关于上网的好处和不依靠网络的消耗时间的方式的例子，我脑子有点转不过来，在想你究竟想讲什么，看到最后一句才明白你的思路。这个思路不是不好，只能说出乎我的意料。也许是我反应慢~但也可能你这样写，从举例到给出结论，这个弯貌似拐的大了点~如果是我，可能会把“浪费时间不一定是上网造成的”和“对上网的管制不一定会增加绩效”这两个观点分开写。)

Even assume that restricting Internet use can improve the productivity, the author's claim that it can foster a better work ethic is unjustifiable. No evidence have (has) been provided that working condition becomes bad because of using Internet for personal activities. Maybe spending a little time doing this kind of entertainment can enable the employees have (to have) a higher efficiency after enjoying this satisfaction(这里跟“spending a little time doing this kind of entertainment”意思重复了吧？建议删掉). Also, it is possible that it does harm the harmonious atmosphere between the employees and employers after restricting Internet use. Therefore, the author's statement can be no more tenable.

Even assuming the limitation can foster a better work ethic, the author fails to convince us this software can improve overall profits. The author does not offer us any information about the costs involved in buying these software, installing them, and maintaining them. If so, the cost might prevent Climpson from earning a profit(这里是a profit 还是profits? I’m not sure).


In sum, the author cannot justify his voting recommendation on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the editorial. To better bolster his argument, the author should offer more information about whether employees use Internet for their own purpose, and whether the current working condition is badly influenced by Internet using. The author should also needs to(删掉，就算要保留，needs也错了，应该是need) evaluate the cost to purchase this software.


红色表示建议~绿色表示好词
看你的文章，总会看到些好词哈~学习！有个别小毛病~无大碍。
切入点跟我不太一样~不过总体感觉挺顺畅的（除了第二段哈~），很羡慕你的写作速度！
以上均为跟人观点~仅供参考~欢迎讨论。尤其我的语法不怎么好~所以改的要不一定对~

wisleUID: 2578616

In this argument, the author concludes that in order to improve the employees’ productivity, and foster a better work ethic at Climpso, the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees. At first glance, the author's reasoning seems to be appealing, while clearly examining the author's reasoning, we may find that it is unconvincing.(最好在其前面列举出作者的Supports)
The threshold problem is that the author makes an improper casual relationship between using Internet and employees' working efficiency. No evidence is offered to support this assumption. A multitude of factors could contribute to Internet using. For instance, people need to use Internet to gain the latest news, which is beneficial to their work. On the other hand, employees also have multiply choices to do their personal activities. They can play so many games without using Internet. Also, perhaps they go out for shopping or other personal things, which may be more common in Climpson after using electronic monitoring. Without eliminating every possible factor, the author cannot draw a conclusion that using Internet is wasting time, let alone improving productivity by restricting Internet use.
Even assume that restricting Internet use can improve the productivity, the author's claim that it can foster a better work ethic is unjustifiable.（很好的完美让步式攻击，鼓掌！） No evidence have been provided that working condition becomes bad because of using Internet for personal activities. Maybe spending a little time doing this kind of entertainment can enable the employees have a higher efficiency after enjoying this satisfaction. Also, it is possible that it does harm the harmonious atmosphere between the employees and employers after restricting Internet use. Therefore, the author's statement can be no more tenable.
Even assuming the limitation can foster a better work ethic, the author fails to convince us this software can improve overall profits. The author does not offer us any information about the costs involved in buying these software, installing them, and maintaining them. If so, the cost might prevent Climpson from earning a profit.
In sum, the author cannot justify his voting recommendation on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the editorial. To better bolster his argument, the author should offer more information about whether employees use Internet for their own purpose, and whether the current working condition is badly influenced by Internet using. The author should also needs to(删) evaluate the cost to purchase this software.
除了我第一段提出的整改意见，其他做得很好，很欣赏。攻击结构紧凑，行文流畅。最好能展开思路攻击！