Argument127 =August Rush=小组第2次作业 by lela900

lela900UID: 2634833

127.The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

为提高我们的员工的生产效率，我们应该在员工的终端上加装电子监控来监视员工对互联网的使用。如果我们要减少用于私人以及娱乐活动，比如购物或玩游戏的工作时间，在终端上使用互联网的员工必须要被确认并且受到惩罚。通过在公司电脑上安装检测员工使用互联网的软件，我们可以防止员工浪费时间，并培养Climpson更好的工作氛围，以及提高我们的整体利润。

论点:为了提高工效,必须对员工上网进行电子监管.

论据:1.找出玩乐员工并处罚

2.通过监管软件调查员工用电脑情况,可以防止浪费时间,培养工作道德,提高工效.

提纲:1.(针对论点) 对员工用电子监管未必有效,没有任何证据表明.

2.对其惩罚很可能引起负面效应, 比如产生抵触情绪,消极工作,从而造成工效降低

3.其他因素也有可能导致效率降低,员工很有可能不上网了改玩手机,聊天.

(貌似还有关于工作道德的批驳,我写完后才想到…)

lela900UID: 2634833

In this argument, the author recommends that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring to prevent workers from wasting working time. To support it, he asserts that punishing who use Internet for their personal activities is useful and installing such machine can foster a better work ethic, as well as making their overall profits. However, after a series of considerations and analyses, this argument is not persuasive as it stands.
Firstly, the author unfairly assumes that the electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use is effective in preventing the employees from wasting time. There is no evidence showed that the electronic monitoring is helpful to reduce the number of work hours spent on shopping or playing games. Only making a comparison between reflect of using such monitoring and not implementing before in the Climpson Company can the author draw a doubtless conclusion.

Secondly, even if assuming the electronic monitoring is the best way to administrate the employees, but the result which the electronic monitoring brings out is still doubtful. As the author mentions before, the company will take steps into identifying and punishing those people who waste their work time. But how can the author confidently say such action will not bring about the side-effect to the whole company? It is entirely possible that maybe after a crucial punishment the employees will work with negative mood, even fed up with working. Under this assumption, we cannot infer that the employees’ productivity will improve as a result.

Finally, the author fails to take into account other factors that affect productivity and profits of the company. Perhaps some employees work as before with ignoring the items about reducing the number of work hours spent on personal activities, or they start playing mobile-phones’ games or chatting instead of playing on the net, which is beyond the scope of monitoring. So these behaviors will also lead to a productivity decline in the future. In a word, the suspicions would be always hanging up until the author can rule out other factors.

In sum, this argument is unsound as it stands. To better bolster it, the author should provide more evidence to prove the electronic monitoring is useful, which will not bring the side-effect to the management of this company. What’s more, he must rule out other possibilities that the high productivity results from other factors, as it is mentioned before. Only after these steps, would I accept the author’s conclusion.

KevinSpaceyUID: 2645771

In this argument, the author recommends that Climpson Industries should implement electronic monitoring to prevent workers from wasting working time.(结论似乎是improve productivity, foster a better work ethic, improve overall profits 而不仅仅是prevent wasting working time) To support it, he asserts that punishing who use Internet for their personal activities is useful and installing such machine can foster a better work ethic, as well as making their overall profits. However, after a series of considerations and analyses, this argument is not persuasive as it stands.（Good！）

Firstly, the author unfairly assumes that the electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use is effective in preventing the employees from wasting time. There is no evidence showed that the electronic monitoring is helpful to reduce the number of work hours spent on shopping or playing games. Only making a comparison between reflect of using such monitoring and not implementing before in the Climpson Company can the author draw a doubtless conclusion.(Good!!)

Secondly, even if assuming(跟从句) the electronic monitoring is the best way to administrate the employees,
but the result which the electronic monitoring brings out is still doubtful. As the author mentions before, the company will take steps into identifying and punishing those people who waste their work time(题目中说惩罚的是people who use the Internet). But how can the author confidently say(作者没这么说过。应该用guarantee) such action will not bring about the side-effect to the whole company? It is entirely possible that maybe(跟possible重了) after a crucial punishment the employees will work with negative mood, even [be] fed up with working. Under this assumption, we cannot infer that the employees’ productivity will improve as a result.

Finally, the author fails to take into account other factors that affect productivity and profits of the company. Perhaps some employees work as before with ignoring the items about reducing the number of work hours spent on personal activities(表意不明), or they start playing mobile-phones’ games or chatting instead of playing on the net, which is beyond the scope of monitoring. So these behaviors will also lead to a productivity decline in the future.(应该说may
，而不是will also。’So’用的也有点问题) In a word, the suspicions(前面没交待是什么suspictions) would be always hanging up until the author can rule out other factors.
(这段并没有提到other factors，两个perhaps可以放在前两段。)

In sum, this argument is unsound as it stands. To better bolster it, the author should provide more evidence to prove the electronic monitoring is useful, which will not bring the side-effect to the management of this company. What’s more, he must rule out other possibilities that the high productivity results from other factors, as it is mentioned before. Only after these steps, would I accept the author’s conclusion.(最后一段写的不错。)

关于foster a better work ethic和 improve overall profits这两部分都没有写，只集中在improve productivity上。Finally段应该重点改进一下。结构很好，开头结尾很好。