Argument65 =August Rush=小组第2次作业 by lela900

lela900UID: 2634833

65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

很多年来我们的所有连锁店都储备了很多种类的国产奶酪和进口奶酪。然而去年，我们的最新店里五种销量最高的奶酪都是威斯康星出产的cheddar奶酪。而且，最近一次由Cheese of the World杂志所举行的调查显示，其订阅者对于国产奶酪的倾向性越来越高。由于我们公司可以通过限制库存来减少开支，在我们所有连锁店增加盈利的最好方式就是停止贮备很多进口奶酪而主要集中于国产奶酪。

论点：增加利润的最好方式是停止贮备很多进口奶酪而主要集中于国产奶酪。
论据：1。在去年最新店里的销量排行中，国产奶酪排在前列。

2．来自杂志的调查，其订阅者偏爱国产的。

3．公司觉得可以通过限制国产的来减少开支

提纲：1。错误类比（以偏盖全）：去年的调查+最新店。

2．由某杂志进行的调查不可信----包括其权威性和采样方式，此杂志有可能为该公司赞助。

3．市场趋势会动荡，不能通过暂时的趋势来判断以后的消费走向,国产奶酪是否独步天下很难说的清。

lela900UID: 2634833

In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that in order to improve profits in all of cheese stores, the best way is concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses instead of stocking imported ones. To substantiate this conclusion, the author cites the fact that last year the five best-selling cheeses in a newest store were all domestic cheeses. In addition, a survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine shows people’s preference for domestic cheeses. However, the argument is based on several flaws and unsound as it stands.
Firstly, data drawn from last year and only last year cannot necessarily indicate that the sales of imported cheeses will continue to decline in the future. What’s more, as the memo mentioned, the result is only reported from the latest store, which does not mean any chain store is in the same condition. Maybe the domestic cheeses in the newest store is cheaper and more delicious so most consumers choice them. So based on such a small sample, the author cannot draw any conclusion to the whole group at all.

Further more, even if assuming domestic cheeses from Wisconsin are more popular in general public, the survey conducted by a magazine is still doubtful. Lacking information about the number of respondents and how the study was conducted, it is entirely possible that all the respondents who are the subscribers of Cheeses of the World like the domestic cheeses best. If this is the case, the president of the chain store cannot make a wise decision.

Last but not the least, we can make no assurance to predict the market trends, so if the stores take actions in stopping importing imported cheeses, it is highly possible to lose much as soon as consumers change their taste to imported ones. In short, a better policy should not be made until the market trend goes clearer.
In sum, the conclusion draw in this article is invalid and misleading. To make the article more convincing, the author should give more information about the survey and the market trends. After this, beyond more analyses and considerations, the president could make a better policy eventually.

KevinSpaceyUID: 2645771

第一次改别人的作文，说的不对的地方多包涵

In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that in order to improve profits in all of cheese stores, the best way is concentrating primarily on domestic cheeses instead of stocking imported ones. To substantiate this conclusion, the author cites the fact that last year the five best-selling cheeses in a newest store were all domestic cheeses. In addition, a survey conducted by Cheeses of the World magazine shows people’s preference for domestic cheeses. 应该说作者引用了一个什么证据(the author cites the fact that a survey …)，而不是直接列出。However, the argument is based on several flaws and unsound as it stands. However前面加一句过渡的比较好，比如This argument is well-presented, however, …

Firstly, data drawn from last year and only last year(简洁点only from last year) cannot necessarily(sufficiently) indicate that the sales of imported cheeses will continue to decline in the future. What’s more, as the memo mentioned, the result is only reported from the latest store, which（后半句并不是the memo mentioned，不宜用定语从句） does not mean any [other] chain store is in the same condition. Maybe the domestic cheeses in the newest store is cheaper and more delicious so most consumers choice（choose） them. （可以多写几种可能性，只写一个太单薄）So based on such a small sample, the author cannot draw any conclusion to the whole group at all.（结论尽量用高级句型和词汇，这句太平淡。可以试试generalize这个词）

Further more, even if assuming（even if后跟从句，不是短语） domestic cheeses from Wisconsin are more popular in general public, the survey conducted by a magazine is still doubtful. Lacking information about the number of respondents and how the study was conducted, it is entirely possible（这个用法不错） that all the respondents who are the subscribers of Cheeses of the World like the domestic cheeses best. (最好多写几种可能)If this is the case, the president of the chain store cannot make a wise decision.

Last but not the least, we can make no assurance to predict the market trends, so if(后面两句不是因果关系，可以用after) the stores take actions in stopping importing imported（可以删去）cheeses, it is highly possible to lose much as soon as consumers change their taste to imported ones. In short, a better policy should not be made until the market trend goes clearer.(这句不错)

In sum, the conclusion draw (drawn） in this article is invalid and misleading. To make the article more convincing, the author should give more information about the survey and the market trends. After this, beyond (这个词用的对吗) more analyses and considerations, the president could make a better policy eventually.

第一段复述题目字数有点多，相比之下最后一段总结就显得不足了。中间的论述思路很清晰但不够丰富，多几种possible最好。