0910G 同主题写作第5期 Argument65 WDI小组 By ken4huo

ken4huoUID: 2416482

65
For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses。


Outline:
1：Wisconsin最新店的销售情况不能代表stores：当地人的口味；当地距cheddar工厂的距离；cheddar不能代表domestic cheese。
2：survey的代表性问题：样本代表性随机性，样本subscribers不能代表奶酪的购买者；domestic cheeses赞助商。
3：按结论的方法做，不一定能使利润增大：利润与成本之间的关系。


The article concludes that decreasing of inventory of imported cheese as well focusing on domestic cheeses might be the best way to improve the company’s profits. To support his claim, author begins with excellent sale record of cheddar cheeses in Wisconsin’s newest store. Also, he cites a survey’s result displaying that domestic cheeses become primary choices. Yet, the argument suffers from several flaws, which render it incredible.

Firstly, the argument assumes that the sales of cheddar cheeses in the newest store in Wisconsin could reflect the trend of the sales of domestic cheeses in all of the stores. For the first thing, the author wrongly equates the cheddar cheeses with domestic cheeses obviously. For the lack of sale information of other cheeses, one cannot rule out the possibility all of the domestic cheeses except the cheddar cheeses have a terrible sale in this store, which is not a passive evidence for the conclusion. For another thing, because the company is nationwide, the sale record in a specific store is insufficient to demonstrate the situation in general region. It is totally perhaps that Wisconsin’s residents’ preference to cheddar cheeses is because of their special taste, which might not exist in other regions. Then, the excellent sale of cheddar cheeses is a result of local protectionism made by the government. In sum, the analog based on this face is inconvincible.

A second problem with the argument is that the survey’s result is doubtful. The author uses the survey to support his conclusion about the company’s cheese sale policy. In general, samples for such a survey should represent all cheese buyers all around the country. However, from the described survey, we figured out that the samples come from the magazine’s subscribers. As well, common sense tells us that it is probable that sponsors of the magazine may involve several domestic cheeses producers. If it is in this case, the prejudice of this magazine will influence the justice of the survey. To make the analogy more substantial, the author should give more details about the survey.

Finally, it is too hastily to assume that the conclusion will attain the purpose. There is no sufficient evidence to prove such a recommendation could reduce the expenses for all of the stores in the country. Meanwhile, obviously the sale situation of a product, the cost and the price of it decide its profit together. Yet, the article just concerns about the sales of cheeses and the expenses of inventory ignoring details about different cheeses’ price and total costs. Even if the recommendation might decrease the expenses of inventory, we cannot make any certain conclusion about the profits of the company. For instance, if the profit of selling imported cheeses is much higher than of domestic bands, this recommendation will decrease the profit of the company.

In conclusion, the author cannot justify the validity of his conclusion on the basis of incredible analogy and unsubstantial evidence. To strengthen the argument, the author must give more facts such as profits of different cheeses, the regional differences among stores, and people’s real preference of buying cheeses.

carolfoxUID: 2237839

The article concludes that decreasing of inventory(decreasing inventory) of imported cheese as well focusing on domestic cheeses might be the best way to improve the company’s profits. To support his claim, author begins with excellent sale record of cheddar cheeses in Wisconsin’s newest store. Also, he cites a survey’s result displaying(这里我觉得还是用indicating比较好) that domestic cheeses become primary choices. Yet, the argument suffers from several flaws, which render it incredible（incredible有点口语化了）.

Firstly, the argument assumes that the sales of cheddar cheeses in the newest store in Wisconsin （这里是指的cheese来自Wisconsin ，而不是store在Wisconsin 吧，有点看不明白）could reflect the trend of the sales of domestic cheeses in all of the stores. For the first thing, the author wrongly equates the cheddar cheeses with domestic cheeses obviously. For the lack of sale  information of other cheeses, one cannot rule out the possibility all of the domestic cheeses except the cheddar cheeses have a terrible sale in this store, which is not a passive evidence for the conclusion. For another thing, because the company is nationwide, the sale record in a specific store is insufficient to demonstrate the situation in general region. It is totally perhaps that Wisconsin’s residents’ preference to cheddar cheeses is because of their special taste, which might not exist in other regions.（此处也是，只是提到了cheese come from Wisconsin） Then, the excellent sale of cheddar cheeses is a result of local protectionism made by the government. In sum, the analog based on this face is inconvincible. 这段攻击点选择有些问题

A second problem with the argument is that the survey’s result is doubtful. The author uses the survey to support his conclusion about the company’s cheese sale policy. In general, samples for such a survey should represent all cheese buyers all around the country（此处建议，我觉得应该是不同区域小范围的多个survey比较合理，全国范围的调查有点不实际）. However, from the described survey, we figured out that the samples come from the magazine’s subscribers. As well, common sense tells us that it is probable that sponsors of the magazine may involve several domestic cheeses producers. If it is in this case, the prejudice of this magazine will influence the justice of the survey. To make the analogy more substantial, the author should give more details about the survey.（可能是我个人习惯，不是很赞同A里出现第一人称）

Finally, it is too hastily to assume that the conclusion will attain the purpose. There is no sufficient evidence to prove such a recommendation could reduce the expenses for all of the stores in the country. Meanwhile, obviously the sale situation of a product, the cost and the price of it decide its profit together. Yet, the article just concerns about the sales of cheeses and the expenses of inventory ignoring details about different（kinds of） cheeses’ price and total costs. Even if the recommendation might decrease the expenses of inventory, we cannot make any certain conclusion about the profits of the company. For instance, if the profit of selling imported cheeses is much higher than of domestic bands, this recommendation will decrease the profit of the company.（这一段感觉有点论证重复）

In conclusion, the author cannot justify the validity of his conclusion on the basis of incredible analogy and unsubstantial evidence. To strengthen the argument, the author must give more facts such as profits of different cheeses, the regional differences among stores, and people’s real preference of buying cheeses.

写得很好了，论证的也比较充分，只是题中的内容理解有些偏差，最好A中语句尽量客观，不要出现诸如we，us这样的第一人称。
改得不好的地方多多包涵啊。