Argument127 =August Rush=小组第2次作业 by 尾羽

尾羽UID: 2482591

ARGUMENT127 - The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president. "In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."


提纲
1. 没有提供对雇员目前工作效率的信息。也许雇员本就很努力工作，没有在电脑上玩游戏或者购物。So,要提高生产效率，应该先找出阻碍其提高的原因。不一定是雇员在电脑上浪费时间造成的。
2. 没有给出足够证据说明，对员工计算机的监管就一定会improve employee's producitivty and our overall profits.员工浪费工作时间的方法有很多。
3.雇员也许会对此反感，因为这是Climpson对他们工作态度的不信任和个人隐私的侵犯。这对work ethic at Climpson反而没有好处，对工作绩效更没好处。

尾羽UID: 2482591

In this recommendation,the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that employee’s Internet use from their workstations must be supervised,in order to do an effort to improve their employees’ productivity.He or she also argues some details to carry out the supervision and administration methods.For instance,the internet users from their workstation detected by software shoulde be identified,and if anyone who waste time on personal online entertainment during work should be punished.It seems to be a meticulous plan,while a close examination would reveal how groundless it is.

First of all,the vice president do not provide any information about the employees’performance in work recently. There might be entirely possible that employees at Climpson are hardworking and never spend their working time on computer game or shopping online at all. That is to say,the vice president lacks evidence to confirm that people squander time in working is a quite sure reason that may be responsible for the reduce of productivity level.Thus,to improve the efficiency,he or she must consider all kinds of facts and details that may induce the reduce.

Additionally,even if waste of time is the main reason,there is less attestation to definitize that the monitoring of employees’ activity online would be a sufficient effort.Inasmuch as it is possible that many other aspects lead employees to be slacken,such as chatting in office,sending message on mobile,often being late for work and the like. therefore, the vice president would conduct nothing but fallacies, if he or she ignores these mentioned above.

Ultimately,the recommandation asserted by the vice president may result in the empolyees’ complain and even angry to the president and company.Because,the employees would argue that it is a nonconfidence to their sincere atttitude of work and invasion of privacy.It is neither good for the consolidation of work ethic at Climpson,nor positive effect to the profit of the company. So,if the vice president coulde not take advice from the employees about their feeling of this,the recommendation would never be adopted.

In conclusion, to persuade me, for the purpose fostering a better work ethic and improving all profits at Climpson,the recommendation about softwares have to be installed into each computer to prevent employees from wasting time, the vice president must offer more convinced evidence like some below. Surveys about all varieties of aspects that may cause the possible descent of the profit and empolyees’ working efficiency level.To strengthen the clot spirit of work ethic,superiors at Climpson who like the vice president must consider the feeling of employees beyond making a decision.

wisleUID: 2578616

字数445
In this recommendation, the vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries claims that employee’s Internet use from their workstations must be supervised, in order to do an effort to improve their employees’ productivity. He or she also argues some details to carry out the supervision and administration methods. For instance, the internet users from their workstation detected by software should be identified, and if anyone who waste time on personal online entertainment during work should be punished. It seems to be a meticulous plan, while a close examination would reveal how groundless it is.（不错^_^）

First of all, the vice president does not provide any information about the employees’ performance in work recently. There might be entirely possible that employees at Climpson are hardworking and never spend their working time on computer game or shopping online at all. That is to say, the vice president lacks evidence to confirm that people squander
time in working is a quite sure reason that may be responsible for the reduce of productivity level. Thus, to improve the efficiency, he or she must consider all kinds of facts and details that may induce the reducing.

Additionally, even if waste of time is the main reason, there is less attestation to definite that the monitoring of employees’ activity online would be a sufficient effort. Inasmuch as it is possible that many other aspects lead employees to be slacken, such as chatting in office, sending message on mobile, often being late for work and the like. Therefore, the vice president would conduct nothing but fallacies, if he or she ignores these mentioned above.

Ultimately, the recommendation asserted by the vice president may result in the employees’ complain and even angry to the president and company. Because(because不能引导单句开头), the employees would argue that it is a（of） nonconfidence to their sincere attitude of work and invasion of privacy. It is neither good for the consolidation of work ethic at Climpson, nor positive effect to the profit of the company. So, if the vice president could not take advice from the employees about their feeling of this, the recommendation would never be adopted.

In conclusion, to persuade me, for the purpose fostering a better work ethic and improving all profits at Climpson, the recommendation about software have to be installed（installing software）
into each computer to prevent employees from wasting time, the vice president must offer more convinced evidence like some below. Offer surveys about all varieties of aspects that may cause the possible descent of the profit and employees’ working efficiency level. To strengthen the clot spirit of work ethic, superiors at Climpson who like the vice president must consider the feeling of employees beyond making a decision.

wisleUID: 2578616

整体说下你的两篇文章，相比组长哆啦的两篇，你可以看看，他的结构，很紧凑，只是没有展开说明。你有时论述原作者犯了什么错时，语言比较繁琐，建议精炼下。

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

In this recommendation(这个词我还真么有在范文里面见过 你在哪里看见的？用argument吧),the vice （？）president for human resources at Climpson Industries(建议你换成the arguer) claims that employee’s Internet use from their workstations must be supervised,in order to do an effort to improve their employees’ productivity.He or she also argues some details to carry out the supervision and administration methods.For instance(开头段不要这样子写吧，精炼是开头的要求 你可以说he argues some details that...,and that...),the internet users from their workstation detected by software should be identified(这个词用在这什么意思？),and if anyone who waste time on personal online entertainment during work should be punished.It seems to be a meticulous plan,while a close examination would reveal how groundless it is.

First of all,the vice president do not provide any information about the employees’performance in work recently.（个人觉得这个分论点你给的观点不鲜明 我觉得用no evidence has been shown that the monitoring software can improve the productivity比较好，然后你的句子放在第二句） There might be entirely possible that employees at Climpson are hardworking and never spend their working time on computer game or shopping online at all. That is to say,the vice president lacks evidence to confirm that people squander time in working is(这句话读的别扭 好像有2个动词？is和squander) a quite sure reason that may be responsible for the reduce of productivity level.Thus,to improve the efficiency,he or she must consider all kinds of facts and details that may induce the reduce.

Additionally,even if waste of time is the main reason（main reason for what开头不能省略啊）,there is less attestation to definitize that the monitoring of employees’ activity online would be a sufficient effort.Inasmuch as（狂赞！） it is possible that many other aspects lead employees to be（有这样的搭配吗） slacken,such as chatting in office,sending message on mobile,often being late for work and the like. therefore, the vice president would conduct nothing but fallacies, if he or she ignores these mentioned above.

Ultimately,the recommandation asserted by the vice president may result in the empolyees’ complains and even angry to the president and company.Because,（去掉）the employees would argue that it is a nonconfidence to their sincere atttitude of work and invasion of privacy.It is neither good for the consolidation of work ethic at Climpson,nor positive effect to the profit of the company. So,if the vice president could not take advice from the employees about their feeling of this,the recommendation would never be adopted.

In conclusion, to persuade me, for the purpose fostering a better work ethic and improving all profits at Climpson,the recommendation about softwares have to be installed into each computer to prevent employees from wasting time, the vice president must offer more convinced evidence like some below. Surveys about all varieties of aspects that may cause the possible descent of the profit and empolyees’ working efficiency level.To strengthen the clot spirit of work ethic,superiors at Climpson who like the vice president（什么意思？） must consider the feeling of employees beyond making a decision.