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[i习作temp] 0910G 同主题写作第8期 ISSUE 221-WDI 小组-by 小欣 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-6-29 15:33:41 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 okusa 于 2009-6-30 00:26 编辑

0910AW SPECTACULAR 同主题写作第八期】



ISSUE221 -"The chief benefit of the studyof history is to break down the illusion that people in one period oftime are significantly different from people who lived at any other timein history."





提纲:



1.同意:历史的一个benefit是使我们认识到各个时代有共性。



2.但是,各个时代的个性也的确有很大差别,认识到这些差别也有很大好处



3.历史还有其他很多重要的benefit。不同的研究对象体现出是否是chief benefit





The speaker claims that the studying history mainly informs us there are common things among different times. I partially agree this statement. However, based on the value of studying history, I disagree with it in two aspects. First, the differences among times contributed a lot to the study; second, it depends on occasions that whether it is the chief benefit as described in the statement.





First of all, I admit that inmost cases the study of history is to show how one period of time reflects the previous times. It is the study of what happened before that reminds us what we were and how much we are the same like the ancient people. Without this kind of reminding, for example, we may focus on the newest things today. Our mind maybe occupied by radical reformation, by ignoring the human nature. The study ofhistory would remind us the human nature and the laws of social development,and break down our wishful thinking from the limited knowledge of our current society and ridiculous satisfaction of what we are now. In short, history makes us sober-minded that some common things such as human desires are permanent.





Second, the study of history not only helps us reflect the commonness, but also provides the value of differences.Each period of time has its unique type. For instance, resembled by technologies, each time is described and shaped by people’s new taste of technologies. Currently, it is the time of Social Network Sites (SNS) on Internet. So this is a time that is quite distinct from any of the previous ones. Some old theories or interpretations may not be able to explain the new issues of SNS on Internet. However, it is the study of the value of differences that could illustrate the progress of human society.





Third, the study of history has many other important functions; the statement is only one of the most important functions. For one thing, history gives us identity. Without the study of history, say, if we destroy history documents or relics, we may be confused who we are. History is full of information of other knowledge fields, such as philosophy, geography, and science technology. By learning those knowledge, we will have a comprehensive understanding of our background and roles today’s society. For another thing, history shapes our morality. It teaches us what is right and what must be wrong, enable us to have wise decisions by anticipating what would happen based on the historical rules.





In short, history is always ready with answer to the questions from us. It is good for us to ask questions by studying history, but bad if we stop at the superficial differences without query. History gives us reflection as well as reminds people to compare and think, and also helps people make right decisions.




同主题写作第八期-by okusa.doc

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发表于 2009-6-29 20:21:14 |显示全部楼层
The speaker claims that the studying history mainly informs us there are common things among different times. I partially agree this statement. However, based on the value of studying history, I disagree with it in two aspects. First, the differences among times contributed (过去时?)a lot to the study; second, it depends on occasions that whether it is the chief benefit as described in the statement.

First of all, I admit that inmost(in most?) cases the study of history is to show how one period of time reflects the previous times. (感觉这个主题句,很委婉,理解起来有些曲折,reflect约等于时代之间的共性。)It is the study of what happened before that reminds us what we were and how much we are the same like the ancient people. Without this kind of reminding, for example,(这个for的是哪里的example,这个example对应的是前面哪句?) we may focus on the newest things today. Our mind maybe occupied by radical reformation, by ignoring the human nature(这和前面的并列?). The study ofhistory (of history,由此可见童鞋是限时写作,而且用的是写字板,致敬。。。)would remind us the human nature and the laws of social development,(小问题,空格)and break down our wishful thinking from the limited knowledge of our current society and ridiculous satisfaction of what we are now. In short, history makes us sober-minded that some common things such as human desires (不打算展开讲么?总结句里有个没展开的词不好吧)are permanent.

感觉这段全是论证,没有些许details支持?

Second, the study of history not only helps us reflect the commonness, but also provides the value of differences.Each period of time has its unique type. For instance, resembled by(和for instance重复?) technologies, each time is (主谓不一致?)described and shaped by people’s new taste of technologies. Currently, it is the time of Social Network Sites (SNS) on Internet. So this is a time that is quite distinct from any of the previous ones. Some old theories or interpretations may not be able to explain the new issues of SNS on Internet.(感觉这里还缺一步,可以加一个例子,然后:每个时代对特定问题有其特定的具有该时代特色的看法) However(用thus?然后总结缺少了对differences的研究,无法解释人类社会进程,对历史的研究是不完整的。我自己随手写的,你再斟酌下?我觉得这个结尾不太顺), it is the study of the value of differences that could illustrate the progress of human society.

主题句明确,但是论证的好像不完整,我在文字里的批注也大概是这个意思,你再看看?

Third, the study of history has many other important functions; the statement is only one of the most important functions. For one thing, history gives us identity. Without the study of history, say, if we destroy history documents or relics, we may be confused who we are. History is full of information of other knowledge fields(和什么做的比较other?), such as philosophy, geography, and science technology. By learning those knowledge, we will have a comprehensive understanding of our background and roles (of?)today’s society. For another thing, history shapes our morality. It teaches us what is right and what must be wrong, enable (enables)us to have wise decisions by anticipating what would happen based on the historical rules.

据我理解,你写了三个其他功能,1identity,2comprehensive understanding,3morality,但是只用了for one thing,for another thing两个连接词?

In short, history is always ready with answer to the questions from us. It is good for us to ask questions by studying history, but bad if we stop at the superficial differences without query. History gives us reflection as well as (as well?)reminds people to compare and think, and also helps people make right decisions.

写的很完整,感觉三个主体段之间的连接太uniform了,123,虽然很清楚,但是我觉得可以根据逻辑关系来定连接词。比如12之间可以用however,23之间用in addition?
珍爱生命,拒绝懒惰

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发表于 2009-7-3 12:36:34 |显示全部楼层
updated version in the attachment.Thanks!

同主题8-version2.doc

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RE: 0910G 同主题写作第8期 ISSUE 221-WDI 小组-by 小欣 [修改]

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0910G 同主题写作第8期 ISSUE 221-WDI 小组-by 小欣
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