[YB-2]7月4日作业 by sunxcint

sunxcintUID: 2654472

13&Issue 25 “Anyone can make things bigger and more complex. What requires real effort and courage is to move in the opposite direction –
in other words, to make things as simple as possible”

The speaker asserts that while it is easy for anyone to make things more complex, to make things more simpler requires effort and courage. I totally agree on this opinion.

When it comes to the realms of information products which usually is designed to facilitate the human life, there is a trend  to add more and more complexities of operation. Consider, for example, automatic office software , one kind of enterprise management softwares,which mainly manage the process of office affairs.To make the software more general and meet as many as requirements from as many as industries, the designers of them tend to add as many as functions and features to them. The result is that with th enhancement of  adaption of this software, the satisfactory rate falls sharply. Another example comes with the net notebook which is an simple edition of general notebook and lack of many functions that a common notebook have. When it was initial invented by Acer, few people including some famous arctics would predict that it will get so wide popularities it deserves. Rivals has committed attacks and abuse about the new monster. However,  the confidence of the producers were not be defeated. Although not so successful initially, the net notebook won the ultimate victory after a year and the high market score proved everything. Imaging that if the designers of the net notebook cannot insisted their opinions and stop promotion when confronting initial frustration, it is possible that this great invention will forever not have the opportunity to contribute to our daily digital world.

Turning into the economic realm, the simplification requires real effort which only belongs to the masters in this domain. The economic phenomena is so complex and intricate that it is impossible for an ordinary person catch all the laws and principles embedded in them.  In the initial phase of market economy,there are so many doubts hidden in a person's head : why the recession will appear periodically; who will decide average prices of a certain products etc. Until one day with the emerging of a great economists named Adam who gave some simple interpretations about some basic phenomena of market economy after do hard working and careful research about the subtle connection and difference of them, some of these problems were resolved.

In sum, the example from information industry and economy realm prove that to make things simple is really a challenge which might include insistence, self-confident, patient and real hard working.

cclayaUID: 2625096

The speaker asserts that while it is easy for anyone to make thingsmore complex, to make things more simpler requires effort and courage.I totally agree on this opinion.
作者可以多借鉴一下范文的开头段写法，ets好像不喜欢开头直接复述原题的方式。

When it comes to the realms of information products which usuallyis designed to facilitate the human life, there is a trend  to add moreand more complexities of operation. Consider, for example, automaticoffice software , one kind of enterprise management softwares,whichmainly manage the process of office affairs.To make the software moregeneral and meet as many as requirements from as many as industries,the designers of them(it) tend to add as many as functions and features to them(it).The result is that with the enhancement of  adaption of this software,the satisfactory rate falls sharply. Another example comes with the netnotebook which is an simple edition of general notebook and lack ofmany functions that a common notebook have. When it was initialinvented by Acer, few people including some famous arctics（是想写critics吧） would predict(predicted) that it will(would) get so wide popularities that it deserves(这句话时态混乱，从句读起来很别扭). Rivals has committed attacks and abuse about（abuse是及物动词，去掉about） the new monster. However,  the confidence of the producers were（was） not be(去掉be) defeated. Although not so successful initially, the net notebook won the ultimate victory(改为 won the victory ultimately更符合英文表达习惯) after a year and the high market score proved everything. Imaging that if the designers of the net notebook cannot insisted（could not insist） their opinions and stop promotion(promoting) when confronting the initial frustration, it is possible that this great invention will（would） forever(移到句子最后) not have the opportunity to contribute to our daily digital world.（最后这句话作者大概是想用虚拟语气表达，但错误过多，其实完全没必要写这样的长句子，拆成若干个单句反而更好。）
第二个例子作者大概是想表达普通笔记本简化版netbook的成功，但作者之后将话题引向了商业领域，略有偏离。
私认为，这里用这个例子并不恰当。商家推出新型产品，追求的是利润，而并非为了“做出贡献”，付出的努力与勇气来于其对市场的信心和对利润的追求,而并非为了坚持“简单化”这一理念。换种极端的说法，如果推出的产品是“复杂化笔记本”，商家依然会有同样的举动，因此例子中的“努力”与“简化”本身并无关系，逻辑上不符合原题所要表达的思想。（p.s.一般都不叫netnotebook，而是直接称为netbook；p.s.p.s.最初推出网本的公司不是acer，而是asus）

Turninginto the economic realm, the simplification requires real effort whichonly belongs to the masters in this domain. The economic phenomena isso complex and intricate that it is impossible for an ordinary personcatch all the laws and principles embedded in them（it）.  In the initial phase of market economy,there are so many doubts hidden in a person's head : why the recession will appear（appears） periodically; who will decide(decides) the average prices(price) of a certain products(product) etc. Until one day,with the emerging of a great economists named Adam who gave some simpleinterpretations about some basic phenomena of market economy after do(去掉do) hard working and careful research about the subtle connection and difference of them(哪两者间的联系和区别，前文并没提到), some of these problems were resolved.
这个例子里作者强调了经济系统的复杂性，以及“简化”才能使大众理解市场经济，但并没有突出Adam付出了怎样的“努力”与“勇气”，例如他受到了何种阻碍等等，没有体现对最终论点的支撑。

In sum, the example from information industry and economy realmprove that to make things simple is really a challenge which mightinclude insistence, self-confident, patient and real hard working.
结尾过于简单，只是陈述了开始的论点，应该有所升华。

总结：
本文的观点鲜明，用词较好，但推理分析部分较为欠缺，句子时态错误较多。
题目是两对明显的对比关系，“复杂化”vs“简单化”，“人们倾向于”vs“需要努力和勇气”。选择了立场观点之后，文中应突出这两者的对比。

issue所考查的精髓在于“用论据支撑论点的能力”，指的是通过对论据进行合理的逻辑分析推理，最后达到证明自己论点的目的，而并非只是罗列一些相关的例子。重点在于“推理分析”，而非“例子”。

sunxcintUID: 2654472

你的修改意见很中肯，我这篇文章是在很沮丧的情况下写的，因为觉得没什么可写的，就堆了很多例子。开始写了一个立意不同的，但是没东西可写，所以没有写完。
netbook之所以用这个例子是因为它是 which is an simple edition of general notebook， 这个我没有重点强调，我应该加一些 ，一开始人们认为它就是笔记本简化点东西变成了怪物之类的话。

cclayaUID: 2625096

恩恩～这样处理的话例子与观点就对应了～～～
准备考G很多时候都挺让人闹心沮丧的~我现在心情也总起伏很大（像更年期一样..x___x）～～不过每次一想到有这么多人都在努力呢，而且只要坚持还是能看到进步的，就又能振作起来了～～
加油！！\(@^o^@)/★