Issue170 By WDI小组 by brisk1111

brisk1111UID: 2571604

170"The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists,
but the general welfare of all its people.



Almost all the leaders of countries nowadays claim that their endeavors are the general welfare of all their people. But if the welfare is defined only as an affluent happy life, the nation should not be regard as a great nation.


The people cannot see the great honor only as his fortune, for instance, some countries in middle-east area provide their people the most rich life lives in the word by exporting enormous petroleum resource, but they have heavy ineffectiveness in their rulers, artists, and scientists compared with the others. We cannot claim that these rich countries are great nations, on the contrary, they have little influence in international affairs and even cannot efficiency defend themselves. How could we say they are great nation.



Affluence cannot necessarily lead to the great, but If a countries own great achievements of its rulers, artists , or scientists, there is no doubt that it would result affluence, as well as other aspects of improvement such as medical treatment, defense, public education and more else which are the fundament of continuously sustained development. We all know that the steam engine which is the symbol of the first industrial revolution was invented by watt, an English engineer. That makes England the greatest country in that period, which is proved that scientists play an important role in turn the country to be greater. Peter the Great made the policy that studying science and some other advanced technology from the western lead the Russian to be a more developed country. Without the revolution of Peter the Great, the Russian can not be such great if they continual to remain the dated policy. So the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists of the country are the indicators of a great nation.


But if the achievement of rulers, artists, or scientists is not for the sake of people's welfare life，even diminish the quality of people life, which should not be the indicator of a great nation.
Plastic bags used to bring people much convenience, but now serious polluted the earth and the river. People have to do great effort to advocate people not to use plastic bags again. Another example is Freon air conditioning, once bring us with cool weather, but Freon deplete the ozone layer and results people more exposured to ultraviolet radiation which is harmful to human’s health. Also some rulers like Hitler causes a world wide war which not only take his own citizens into disaster but also other nations people, but we also recognize him a legend leader.
     

In sum, not the general welfare of all people of the nation indicate a great nation, which does not mean the correspondent prosperity of science, art and a wisdom leader, but the great achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists would no doubt lead to general welfare, which can be the indicator of a great nation.

brisk1111UID: 2571604

再烂也得发啊，比不交要好多了吧

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

Almost all the leaders（这只是题目中的一个，可以换成social elites） of countries nowadays claim that their endeavors are the general welfare of all their people. But if the welfare is defined only as an affluent happy life, the （great）nation should not be regard as a great nation.


The people cannot see the great honor only as his fortune, (这段的主题句要明确，好像这段你就没有主题句)for instance, some countries in middle-east area provide their people the most rich（richest） life lives in the word by exporting enormous petroleum resource, but they have heavy ineffectiveness in their rulers, artists, and scientists compared with the others. We cannot claim that these rich countries are great nations, on the contrary, they have little influence in international affairs and even cannot efficiency defend themselves. How could we say they are great nation.（？）
（这段你是想论证什么呢?国家物质丰富，没有很好的福利不能是强大的国家？中东有丰富的是有你是想证明什么。不清楚.....welfare好像不是你理解的意思。）


Affluence cannot necessarily lead to the great, but If a countries own great achievements of its rulers, artists , or scientists, there is no doubt that it would result （in）affluence, as well as other aspects of improvement such as medical treatment, defense, public education and more else which are the fundament of continuously sustained development. We all know that the steam engine which is the symbol of the first industrial revolution was invented by watt, an English engineer. That makes England the greatest country in that period, which is proved that scientists play an important role in turn（enabling ）the country to be greater. Peter the Great made the policy that studying science and some other advanced technology from the western lead the Russian to be a more developed country. Without the revolution of Peter the Great, the Russian can not be such great if they continual to remain the dated policy. So the achievements of its rulers, artists,（这两个你没有说到） or scientists of the country are the indicators of a great nation.
（还是觉得这段主题句不够明确）

But if the achievement of rulers, artists, or scientists is not for the sake of people's welfare life，even diminish the quality of people life, which should not be the indicator of a great nation.（这句话没有主句）
Plastic bags used to bring people much convenience, but now serious polluted the earth and the river. People have to do great effort to advocate people not to use plastic bags again.（这个例子说名什么了？） Another example is Freon air conditioning, once bring us with cool weather, but Freon deplete the ozone layer and results people more exposured to ultraviolet radiation which is harmful to human’s health. Also some rulers like Hitler causes a world wide war which not only take his own citizens into disaster but also other nations people, but we also recognize him a legend leader.（少artists的例子。例子之前少论证。）
     

In sum, not the general welfare of all people of the nation indicate a great nation, which does not mean the correspondent prosperity of science, art and a wisdom leader, but the great achievement of its rulers, artists, or scientists would no doubt lead to general welfare, which can be the indicator of a great nation.

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

文章总体是逻辑不连贯，觉得例子说服力不强。