Issue170 By WDI小组 xydeng

xydengUID: 2472724

issue写作史上最不用心的一篇习作，互改的同学就狠狠地拍砖吧，不要手下留情，我知道写得很烂，自己写完都不敢往回看。另外，发晚了，大家可以狠批我！

TOPIC: ISSUE170 - "The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, but the general welfare of all its people."

提纲：
1、
一个国家的强大可以通过the general welfare of its entire people 反映出来。在一个民主的国家里，公民的权利（自由、追求幸福）应该得以最大限度的保障，而the general welfare of its entire people 的目的即是保障公共健康和安全，防御他国军事入侵，个人自主自由，文化多样性，即保证人民高水平的生活质量，the general welfare of its entire people 得以保证，就意味着公民的权利得以保证，对于一个民主的国家而言，这就是一个国家的最大成功之处。而且，保障人民的这一切权利，需要足够的军事、政治、经济、文化等方面的能力的支撑，这是检验一个国家强大与否的炼金石。
2、
相对来说，the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists有时并不能真实地反映出一个国家的great与否，甚至一些achievement会危害人民的welfare，进而危害国家的安全和发展。如果一个国家的科技成果很发达，而人们却生活在水深火热中，那么，这不能说是一个强大发达的国家。
3、
然而，通常来说，人们的welfare是和the achievements of rulers, artists and scientists息息相关的.

In this statement, the speaker claims that it is the general welfare of all people, rather than the achievements of its rulers, artists, and scientists, that are the surest indicator of a nation's greatness. I concede that the general welfare of all people is an authentic and sure indicator of a great nation; however, no one can deny the fact that the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists play a significant role in promoting the general welfare of its entire people and then even the greatness of a nation.


In the first place, I concede that a nation’s greatness can be mirrored by the general welfare of its entire people. In a democratic country, generally speaking, promoting the general welfare of all people means to guarantee public health and security, individual rights, such as freedom and pursuit of happiness, cultural diversity and high standard of living. And the general welfare of a nation needs enough political, economic, military capacity, which is a yardstick in measuring a nation’s greatness, to promote. Thus, a nation’s greatness can surely indicated by the welfare of all its people.

In the second place, comparatively speaking, the achievements of a nation’s leaders, artists, or scientists do not suffice for a nation’s greatness, and in some extreme cases, even jeopardize people’s welfare and what’s more, a nation’s greatness. Take political achievements for example. Some political leaders with excellent capacity to lead a nation may exploit and oppress the nation’s individuals and thus jeopardize those citizens’ rights, by the excuse of securing the security of all people. In addition, in scientific realm, some technological achievements also serve to harm human being’s welfare. For instance, melamine, a kind of chemical, is used in milk produce, which jeopardizes the health of a great many of babies.

Thirdly, notwithstanding the foregoing concession, however, I disagree with the speaker in the aspect that in usual cases, it is through the achievement of the political leaders, artists and scientists that the general welfare of people and even the greatness of a nation can be accomplished. Medical advance can help cure some detrimental disease, such as cancer, enhance our physical health. Moreover, arts can provide people inspiration, lift individuals’ spirits and incite our creativity and imagination. All in all, the achievements of political leaders, artists, and scientists, in integral, contribute to promoting the welfare of any nation’s populace and even a nation’s greatness.

In summary, the assertion that the surest indicator of a great nation is the general welfare of its all people not the achievements of political, artist, or scientific, fails to realize the point that the achievements of political, artists and scientists play an important role in promoting the general welfare of its entire people.

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

In this statement, the speaker claims that it is the general welfare of all people, rather than the achievements of its rulers, artists, and scientists, that are the surest indicator of a nation's greatness. I concede that the general welfare of all people is an authentic and sure indicator of a great nation; however, no one can deny the fact that the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists play a significant role in promoting the general welfare of its entire people and then even the greatness of a nation.


In the first place, I concede that a nation’s greatness can be mirrored by the general welfare of its entire people. In a democratic country, generally speaking, promoting the general welfare of all people means to guarantee public health and security, individual rights, such as freedom and pursuit of happiness, cultural diversity and high standard of living. （具体说明那种welfare 满足这些需要。）And the general welfare of a nation needs enough political, economic, military capacity, which is a yardstick in measuring a nation’s greatness, to promot(去掉). Thus, a nation’s greatness can surely indicated (can be surely indicated) by the welfare of all its people. （这段缺少例子说明，不够具体。promote可以换成 enhance）

In the second place, comparatively speaking, the achievements of a nation’s leaders, artists, or scientists do not suffice for a nation’s greatness, （和body1 有些不连接）and in some extreme cases, even jeopardize people’s welfare and（，） what’s more, a nation’s greatness. Take political achievements for example. Some political leaders with excellent capacity to lead a nation may exploit and oppress the nation’s individuals and thus jeopardize（undermine） those citizens’ rights, by the excuse of securing the security of all people. In addition, in scientific realm, some technological achievements also serve to harm human being’s welfare. For instance, melamine, a kind of chemical, is used in milk produce, which jeopardizes the health of a great many of babies. （例子前，后没有论证。题目里artists你没有说到。）

Thirdly, notwithstanding the foregoing concession, however, I disagree with the speaker in the aspect that in usual cases, it is through the achievement of the political leaders, artists and scientists that the general welfare of people and even the greatness of a nation can be accomplished. Medical advance can help cure some detrimental disease, such as cancer, enhance our physical health. Moreover, arts can provide people inspiration, lift individuals’ spirits and incite our creativity and imagination. All in all, the achievements of political leaders, artists, and scientists, in integral, contribute to promoting the welfare of any nation’s populace and even a nation’s greatness.

In summary, the assertion that the surest indicator of a great nation is the general welfare of its all people not the achievements of political, artist, or scientific, fails to realize the point that the achievements of political, artists and scientists play an important role in promoting the general welfare of its entire people.
整个文章有点拼接的感觉，逻辑不连贯，前后矛盾。