0910G WDI Issue 170 By carolfox

carolfoxUID: 2237839

It is difficult to define whether a country is a great nation, every people have their own standard. Someone consider the surest indicator of a great nation is the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists, while others have absolutely different answers, they think the general welfare of all people in that country is the most direct indicator. As for me, to judge a country must attend both of these two aspects.
As all we known, citizen's standard of living is an important embodiment of comprehensive national strength of a country. The standard of living does not only content people's fundamental requirements such as food and clothes, but also content the right of education and medical security. First of all, a nation must insure that its citizens avoid hunger; otherwise the country can not be a country at all. Then, a powerful country should do its best to improve comprehensive quality of its citizen, and the devotion of education in a country is the best criteria. In the modern society, the majority of developed countries devote enormous amount of money into the national education. For example, American, the most developed country in the world, devotes approximately 8% of GDP (gross domestic product) into education every year. It is a large sum of money which occupies 28% of global expense of education. And other developed country also spends a lot of money into education. On the contrary, many of developing countries do not pay much attention to education. A great nation must have a great society welfare system.
However, having a great society welfare system does not mean that country is a great country. Grandness needs the idiographic achievement to embody. The achievement of rulers, artists and scientists is a good indicator of a great nation.
Politicians, as the rulers of country, can represent a nation on some extent. They lead the developing direction of the country, and develop a sound legal system. The development of whole society will stop without their correct leading. All of their achievement is the testimony of development of the country. For instance, the birth of the United States can not without George Washington's endeavor. In the period of American Revolutionary War, Washington did much work for independence of United State, and he succeeded. He is the outstanding commissary of American people, and his success is the true embodiments that United State is a great nation in that period. Similarly, the achievements of scientists can represent the development of science and technology, the achievement of artists can represent the development of culture. The developing degree of technology and culture is also the criterion, which can judge if a nation is a great nation. Therefore, the achievements of a country's rulers, artists and scientists are a well exhibition that the country is a great country.
In sum, a great country must have a great welfare system, the general welfare of all its people can exhibit whether the country is great. But it is not the only indicator. A great country has to have a highly developed level of politics, economy, science and technology, culture and so on. All of these must embody by the achievements of the country's rulers, artists and scientists.

余霞成绮UID: 2620031

It is difficult to define whether a country is a great nation, every people have their own standard. Someone consider（语法错误） the surest indicator of a great nation is the achievements of its rulers, artists and scientists, while others have absolutely different answers, they think the general welfare of all people in that country is the most direct indicator. As for me, to judge a country must attend both of these two aspects.（读不懂该句子。。是judge whether a country is great or not吧。。。）

As all we known（语法错误）, citizen's standard of living is an important embodiment of comprehensive national strength of a country. The standard of living does not only content people's fundamental requirements such as food and clothes, but also content the right of education and medical security. First of all, a nation must insure(insure是投保的意思。若作为保证的意思的时候没有后面加that这种用法。改为ensure) that its citizens avoid hunger; otherwise the country can not be a country at all. Then, a powerful country should do its best to improve comprehensive quality of its citizen, and the devotion of education in a country is the best criteria. In the modern society, the majority of developed countries devote enormous amount of money into the national education. For example, American, the most developed country in the world, devotes approximately 8% of GDP (gross domestic product) into education every year. It is a large sum of money which occupies 28% of global expense of education. And other developed country also spends a lot of money into education. On the contrary, many of developing countries do not pay much attention to education. A great nation must have a great society welfare system.

However, having a great society welfare system does not mean that country is a great country. Grandness needs the idiographic achievement to embody. The achievement of rulers, artists and scientists is a good indicator of a great nation.

Politicians, as the rulers of country(政治家是国家的统治者么？政客就是玩弄政治的人。。。。。), can represent a nation on some extent. They lead the developing direction of the country, and develop a sound legal system. The development of whole society will stop
（没有好领导也不会stop吧。。顶多也就变成下流社会。。）without their correct leading. All of their achievement is the testimony of development of the country. For instance, the birth of the United States can not （改为cannot 无空格）without George Washington's endeavor. In the period of American Revolutionary War, Washington did much work for independence of United State, and he succeeded. He is the outstanding commissary of American people, and his success is the true embodiments that United State is a great nation in that period. Similarly, the achievements of scientists can represent the development of science and technology, the achievement of artists can represent the development of culture. The developing degree of technology and culture is also the criterion, which can judge if a nation is a great nation. Therefore, the achievements of a country's rulers, artists and scientists are a well exhibition that the country is a great country.
中间段只有2段，论述的非常不充分，原因后面讲

In sum, a great country must have a great welfare system, the general welfare of all its people can exhibit whether the country is great. But it is not the only indicator. A great country has to have a highly developed level of politics, economy, science and technology, culture and so on. All of these must embody by the achievements of the country's rulers, artists and scientists.

综上，本文有以下错误
1.
语法错误比较多，很多地方句子不通顺，破句，且很多地方表意不清
2.
中间段只论述了2段，且第一段是让步段。论述的很不充分。文中提到了3点，你只论述了一点——rulers，其他2点亦可充分论述
3.
开头段和结尾段的词藻用的平凡。。多处地方重复 没有做到多样性
4.
Politicians, as the rulers of country。。。The development of whole society will stop。。。这2句话的理解错误导致唯一的一段中间段论证错误，虽然后面的例子支撑了你的观点，但整个的方向错了