TOEFL暑期集结号作文 第1次作业 by zongwww

zongwwwUID: 2330777

Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time; children should not be allowed to play them.

提纲：
我不同意题中观点
1. 优点玩游戏可以协调能力
2. 但缺点更多，一是浪费时间
3. 二是有损健康
协调能力可以通过其他途径来锻炼，小孩不应该玩电脑游戏。

There is an intense debate on whether children could play computer games. According to a recent statistics issued by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than two thirds of adult people hold the position that children could not spend a lot of time in front of computers just for games. Although there are some merits by playing computer games, I agree with the majority of people’s opinion.

In the first place, I admit that playing computer games can exert some positive effects on sound development of children. I mean, by playing, the child can learn the coordination ability between brain and hands. Today’s games are specifically designed for this kind, and the warcraft is one of the representatives. In this game, if you want to play well, you should have well-developed tactical awareness and precise controlling techniques. One of my undergraduate classmates Weirong is a game master. He is good at making delicate plan, which needs superb organization ability. This kind of ability is acquired through playing games.

On the other hand, although there are some advantages in playing games, there also exist some disadvantages. One of them is that children may get fascinated in the game, especially web games. The resulting effect is that they pay too much time and effort into the game, which is a time consuming work. As we know, one’s time is limited. If one spends it on such kind of things, one can not have enough to develop himself/herself. According to a report provided by Tongji University, 90 percentages of its school drop-outs are due to the fascination in the web games.

Another demerit involving playing game is that it does harm to the health of children. The rays emitted by the screen of computer have negative effects on one’s eyes. In today’s china, the weak vision ability has become one of the unfavorable factors in economy development. It is not hard to envision a picture with all people wearing glasses. Sitting before computer for too much time also brings neck and back pains. All of the above may become a heavy burden on future medical foundation of China.

Above all, the merits of playing computer games far outweigh the merits. Although it has some advantages, we still should prevent the children from playing games. We could ask for some other approaches, such playing music instruments or playing ball games to develop these abilities. In one word, it’s not wise to allow children playing computer games.

dingxiangziUID: 2556230

There is an intense debate on whether children could play computer games. According to a recent statistics issued by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than two thirds of adult people hold the position that children could （should）not spend a lot of time in front of computers just for games. Although there are some merits by (in)playing computer games, I agree with the majority of people’s opinion(the opinion of the majority).9 R! d/ h7 [" q7 G" Y, u

In the first place, I admit that playing computer games can exert some positive effects on sound development of children. I mean, by playing, the child can learn (enhance)the coordination ability between brain and hands. Today’s games are specifically designed for this kind, and the warcraft is one of the representatives. In this game, if you want to play well, you should have well-developed tactical awareness and precise controlling techniques. One of my undergraduate classmates Weirong is a game master. He is good at making delicate plan, which needs superb organization ability. This kind of ability is acquired through playing games.

On the other hand, although there are some advantages in playing games, there also exist some disadvantages. One of them is that children may get fascinated(addicted) in the game, especially web games. The resulting effect is that they pay too much time and effort into the game, which is a time consuming work. As we know, one’s time is limited. If one spends it on such kind of things, one can not have enough to develop himself/herself. According to a report provided by Tongji University, 90 percentages of its school drop-outs are due to the fascination in the web games.
, R6 F4 C2 n5 A! H+ `) L  ^5 N
Another demerit involving playing game is that it does harm to the health of children. The rays emitted by the screen of computer have negative effects on one’s eyes. In today’s china, the weak vision ability has become one of the unfavorable factors in economy development. It is not hard to envision a picture with all people wearing glasses. Sitting before computer for too much time also brings(incur) neck and back pains. All of the above may become a heavy burden on future medical foundation of China.  o1 M( ]6 I4 @

Above all, the merits of playing computer games far outweigh the merits.(?不太明白意思) Although it has some advantages, we still should prevent the children from playing games. We could ask for some other approaches, such playing music instruments or playing ball games to develop these abilities. In one word, it’s not wise to allow children playing computer games.

感觉文章总体无大错误，但用词和结构上可以加强，另外讲视力与经济关系，还有身体与医疗负担好像有点远。

甲子园UID: 2662675

There is an intense debate on whether children could play computer games. According to a recent statistics issued by Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, more than two thirds of adult people hold the position that children could not spend a lot of time in front of computers just for games. Although there are some merits by playing computer games, I agree with the majority of people’s opinion.
开头段很赞，简洁清晰。
In the first place（on one hand,和下面的On the other hand 对应）, I admit that playing computer games can exert some positive effects on sound development of children. I mean, by playing, the child can learn the coordination ability between brain and hands. Today’s games are specifically designed for this kind, and the warcraft is one of the representatives. In this game, if you want to play well, you should have well-developed tactical awareness(这句话很中式
但俺改不出来) and precise controlling（operate） techniques. One of my undergraduate classmates Weirong is a game master. He is good at making delicate plan, which needs superb organization ability. This kind of ability is acquired through playing games.

On the other hand, although there are some advantages in playing games, there also exist some disadvantages. One of them is that children may get fascinated （换成上瘾的说法是不是要更好一点）in the game, especially web games. The resulting effect（这句想说什么，结果是，还是别的什么呢？表达不是很清楚） is that they pay too much time and effort into the game, which is a time consuming work. As we know, one’s time is limited. If one spends it on such kind of things, one can not have enough to develop himself/herself. According to a report provided by Tongji University, 90 percentages of its school drop-outs are due to the fascination in the web games.

Another demerit involving playing game is that it does harm to the health of children. The rays emitted by the screen of computer have negative effects on one’s eyes. In today’s china, the weak vision ability has become one of the unfavorable factors in economy development. It is not hard to envision a picture with all people wearing glasses. Sitting before computer for too much time also brings neck and back pains. All of the above may become a heavy burden on future medical foundation of China.
正面的两个论点选择的很好
Above all, the merits of playing computer games far outweigh the merits. Although it has some advantages, we still should prevent the children from playing games. We could ask for some other approaches, such playing music instruments or playing ball games to develop these abilities. In one word, it’s not wise to allow children playing computer games.结尾论述有力

写的很好，我找了好久就找出几个小错误。
论述清晰，长短句错落有致，分论点选择的也很好。
和范文对比下，觉得楼主和满分很接近了。