Issue 130 泪奔~~~~~

shenpqUID: 2553296

花了将近三个小时才完成史上第一篇习作,感觉很想死,欢迎广大板油拍砖!

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 469
TIME: 02:56:00
DATE: 2009/7/11 3:24:29

I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized. However, the speaker ignores certain progresses that the society has made to help children socialization. My points of contention with the speaker involve the progress that we made in socialization of children.

I concede that how children are socialized is indeed crucial for the future of society. After all, children are the future of society, and the attitudes, values and skills they learned to function as a member of society will dramatically affect the society. According to a research, conducted by one of most famous sociologists, it is primarily the young life hat tremendously determine the behaviors and value systems of a person. one apt illustration of this point involves Flanking Roosevelt, the 23rd president of the United States, trained as a leader, a benefactor when he had reached the years of discretion. He has created New Deal relieve the US from the Great Depression.
Yet, Bin Laden, the director of the September 11 attacks on the US, was raised as a extremist Muslim, giving big threat on the peace and security of this world. Evidently, from the above examples, we can get a conclusion that children socialization sharply affects the human life, in the mean time influences the future of society.

While the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized, the speaker claims that we have still not mastered the methods to good children socialization. Nevertheless, I disagree with the speaker's notion for the following two reasons. First, individual rights have never been lifted in such a height in adolescents, while racial discrimination is at history low. In addition, young people now are unprecedentedly tolerant for various behaviors and viewpoints which may differ from themselves' vastly, such as the permit of homosexual marriage and that of euthanasia. All above explain that we have made an extraordinary progress in socializing the children in recent years.

Another compelling reason is people are more charitable today, especially the young. When facing the helpless, more people are willing to buffer their disadvantages. Take the May 12 earthquake of We chuan as an instance. People, from all over the world, all express the care to the victims of the earthquake by means of rendering relief materials and money. All of children and juveniles at least in my school have contributed what they have to help the unfortunate, and have been focusing on the situation of the disaster area from then on. Undoubtedly, it is also an important progress in socializing the children.

To sum up, the destiny of society relies on how children are socialized. However, we have learned some ways to how socialized children and made certain progress. Given the enough time, we will eventually master nurturing children who can help bring about a better society.

chenheng0528UID: 2610515

I fundamentally agree with the speaker's assertion that the destiny of society is determined by how children are socialized. （模版的痕迹，换个开头吧）However, the speaker ignores certain progresses（这个是当努力讲吗？没太看懂） that the society has made to help children socialization. My points of contention with the speaker involve the progress that we made in socialization of children.（不好意思，这句TS是什么意思？）

I concede that how children are socialized is indeed crucial for the future of society. After all, children are the future of society, and the attitudes, values and skills they learned to function as a member of society will dramatically affect the society.（这句不错） According to a research, conducted by one of most famous sociologists, it is primarily the young life hat （打错了？）tremendously determine the behaviors and value systems of a person.（a person’s young life is essential to determine his or her behaviors and value systems.） one apt illustration of this point involves Flanking Roosevelt, the 23rd president of the United States, trained as a leader, a benefactor (没看懂)when he had reached the years of discretion. He has created New Deal relieve the US from the Great Depression.
Yet, Bin Laden, the director of the September 11 attacks（attacking） on the US, was raised as a extremist Muslim, giving big threat on the peace and security of this world.(对这个例子我持保留态度，因为涉及政治观念。我认为选校园枪击案会好一些) Evidently, from the above examples, we can get a conclusion that children socialization sharply affects the human life, in the mean time influences the future of society.

While the destiny of society depends on how children are socialized, the speaker claims that we have still not mastered the methods to good children socialization. Nevertheless, I disagree with the speaker's notion for the following two reasons.(这个观点可否在开并头时也提到一句) First, individual rights have never been lifted in such a height in adolescents, while racial discrimination is at history low(这句不明白为什么这么说). In addition, young people now are unprecedentedly tolerant for various behaviors and viewpoints which may differ from themselves' vastly, such as the permit of homosexual marriage and that of euthanasia. All above explain that we have made an extraordinary progress in socializing the children in recent years.
（上面说是两个原因，下面这个原因是接哪儿的？）
Another compelling reason is people are more charitable today, especially the young. When facing the helpless, more people are willing to buffer their disadvantages. Take the May 12 earthquake of We chuan（Wenchuan City in China Sichuan Province） as an instance. People, from all over the world, all express the care to the victims of the earthquake by means of rendering relief materials and money. All of children and juveniles at least in my school have contributed what they have to help the unfortunate, and have been focusing on the situation of the disaster area from then on. Undoubtedly, it is also an important progress in socializing the children.

To sum up, the destiny of society relies on how children are socialized. However, we have learned some ways to how socialized children and made certain progress. Given the enough time, we will eventually master nurturing children who can help bring about a better society.

整体看，有些地方有模版的痕迹。结构还算合理，但感觉两个论点之间缺少一点儿逻辑联系。有例子，但感觉展开的不够。个人感觉，请批判地接受：）