TOEFL集结号暑期作文第3次作业by MVT

MVTUID: 2588209

TOPIC:It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.
SYLLABUS:
1. 阐述观点：不同意选择难课程；
2. 难课程容易损坏学生的兴趣，以至影响学习效果；
3. 大学更需要学科交叉，所以学生应该注重综合知识的培养；
4. 结论：选择难课容易打消学习兴趣，也不利于不同学科知识间的交叉。

The above statement tends to require university or college students to choose difficult classes even though they could not gain high scores. The speaker maybe some professors involved in sort of difficult academic areas, and they want their students to choose their difficult courses for the future study and research. Whatever the speaker concerns, or whoever he or she is, I am inclined to disagree with the above perspective thoroughly.

To begin with, interest is the best teacher. Among the freshmen of any college, major, even class, each student owns different characters and talents. Their individual interests will pave a good way for their campus study because interest is from one's bottom heart and immanent. For example, one student with great distribution on chemistry, he or she may prefer spend whole day in the library to read books and papers related to high level, or enjoy the experiment on chemical reaction in the late night. Without rest and encouragement the students keep his interest and continue on difficult chemistry. However, if the student were required to choose some difficult courses having no links with chemistry. The upcoming progress of his or her study maybe totally hampered, even destroyed.

Furthermore, students in college or at university should pay more attention on outlook enlarging than on partial difficult knowledge pursuit. As we all know that the science and technology become more and more interweaved among different disciplines. Many specialists are no longer satisfying to focus on the very little area of their researches. Their researches’ development need be incorporated some other necessary knowledge and information. Take biochemistry for example, students in this major need to comprehend knowledge both with biology and chemistry. Otherwise, the student may become uninformed. Thereby, in order to breed a graduate with comprehensive knowledge officials in universities should set a broad range of courses for students to choose rather than build difficult classes which easily lead to restriction.

To sum up, it is not advisable to ask students to attend difficult courses in during their college time. The requirement will restrict and impede some students’ interests and imagination. It also contradicts with the trend of interdisciplinary development.
(370 words)

Amber0926UID: 2555355

文章的二三段最好第一句写出主题句，以此来紧扣论题。第二段还好，尤其是第三段，我感觉要指出difficult classes 的学习过于精深单一，强调社会需要我们broadening horizon, enlargeing knowledge,so we'd better interweave among different disciplines. 因为老外都是直线型思维，所以我们论述的时候最好要段前段后强调下联系主旨。

首尾段写得没什么问题。The speaker maybe some professors involved in sort of difficult academic areas,这句缺少动词，may be分开写。
其他没什么大问题，太晚就不多说了~~·

ps 我不知道交到连接里所以晚了，你有空也帮我改改吧，谢谢:loveliness:

MVTUID: 2588209

2# Amber0926

非常感谢，我确实有这个毛病，分论点不明确。
应该交到每次作业下面，给出链接就可以了！
好的，我下午看看你的文章。

文赋UID: 2611067

TOPIC:It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.
SYLLABUS:
1. 阐述观点：不同意选择难课程；
2. 难课程容易损坏学生的兴趣，以 ...

The above statement tends to require university or collegestudents to choose difficult classes even though they could not gain highscores. The speaker maybe some professors involved in sort of difficultacademic areas, and they want their students to choose their difficult coursesfor the future study and research. Whatever the speaker concerns, or whoever heor she is, I am inclined to disagree with the above perspective thoroughly.

To begin with, interest is the best teacher. Among the freshmen ofany college, major, even class, each student owns different characters andtalents. Their individual interests will pave a good way for their campus studybecause interest is from one's bottom heart and immanent. For example, onestudent with great distribution on chemistry, he or she may prefer spend wholeday in the library to read books and papers related to high level, or enjoy theexperiment on chemical reaction in the late night. Without rest andencouragement the students keep his interest and continue on difficultchemistry. However, if the student were required to choose some difficultcourses having no links with chemistry. The upcoming progress of his or herstudy maybe totally hampered, even destroyed.

Furthermore, students in college or at university should pay moreattention on outlook enlarging than on partial difficult knowledge pursuit. Aswe all know that the science and technology become more and more interweavedamong different disciplines. Many specialists are no longer satisfying to focuson the very little area of their researches. Their researches’ development needbe incorporated some other necessary knowledge and information. Takebiochemistry for example, students in this major need to comprehend knowledgeboth with biology and chemistry. Otherwise, the student may become uninformed.Thereby, in order to breed a graduate with comprehensive knowledge officials inuniversities should set a broad range of courses for students to choose ratherthan build difficult classes which easily lead to restriction.

To sum up, it is not advisable to ask students to attend difficultcourses in during their college time. The requirement will restrict and impedesome students’ interests and imagination. It also contradicts with the trend ofinterdisciplinary development.


MVT 发表于 2009-7-18 20:46

不是我偷懒，从语法和行文角度来看，我已经无力做出太多的修改和润色了。我要向楼主学习。
1.从应试角度来说，若果我能在考场上30分钟写出来这篇文章，那我还是比较满意的，这个分数估计也不会太低；
2.从平时准备的角度来说，仍存在突破自己的可能，可以将文章写的更加丰满，修辞和句式可以追求变化。对于结尾本文显得略微苍白，要知道结尾写的好，能拉动0.5分左右。

P.S. 如果是快考试了，正在冲刺，可以忽视我的意见了。

说实话，修改你的作文，我就感觉到一种无形的障碍了，一方面我感觉修改的地方不多，感觉到一种阻力。另一方面，你行文和语法基础很好，但文章看起来却觉得单薄，感觉你好像要想突破自己，但是又不能达到。

文赋UID: 2611067

2# Amber0926  

非常感谢，我确实有这个毛病，分论点不明确。
应该交到每次作业下面，给出链接就可以了！
好的，我下午看看你的文章。
MVT 发表于 2009-7-19 11:51

如果是GRE作文，你这篇论文的分论点是有问题的，但是托福作文，它没这么高要求，有没有跑题太远。可以淡化这个问题，着重关注继续的polish和强化。

MVTUID: 2588209

5# 文赋

谢谢文赋，我还真的没有仔细思考过G/T作文间的区别。听你这么一说，我倒是松了口气。
可是不好意思，我刚给你改完作文，完全按照G作文的要求来修改的，看来你真的得包涵包涵了，嘿嘿
PS：你的文章写得好精彩！

DriftKingUID: 2664045

TOPIC:It is better for students at university or in college to choose difficult classes even if they cannot get top grades.
SYLLABUS:: N2 D! b- A" P3 @1 L2 [
1. 阐述观点：不同意选择难课程；
2. 难课程容易损坏学生的兴趣，以至影响学习效果；1 n3 v, O% p7 R5 u0 n7 h2 }9 U
3. 大学更需要学科交叉，所以学生应该注重综合知识的培养；$ m6 W9 K/ L5 S' {7 s
4. 结论：选择难课容易打消学习兴趣，也不利于不同学科知识间的交叉。

The above statement tends to require university or college students to choose difficult classes even though they could not gain high scores. The speaker maybe some professors involved in sort of difficult academic areas, and they want their students to choose their difficult courses for the future study and research. Whatever the speaker concerns, or whoever he or she is, I am inclined to disagree with the above perspective thoroughly.

To begin with, interest is the best teacher. Among the freshmen of any college, major, even class, each student owns different characters and talents. Their individual interests will pave a good way for their campus study because interest is from one's bottom heart and immanent. For example, one student with great distribution on chemistry, he or she may prefer spend whole day in the library to read books and papers related to high level, or enjoy the experiment on chemical reaction in the late night. Without rest and encouragement the students keep his interest and continue on difficult chemistry. However, if the student were required to choose some difficult courses having no links with chemistry. The upcoming progress of his or her study maybe totally hampered, even destroyed.感觉在说兴趣是最好的老师，这个跟题目联系不太紧密，因为你也说道，如果喜欢化学，可以花大量的时间在上边，而且会继续难得；要没兴趣。。。仔细品下，还是不太合适。但是我有个建议，不知道行不，就是写上一句类似下边意思的：“比较难的、可能会影响成绩的科目不能学生自己自由选取，就像孔子说的，因才施教，老师可以根据某些学生的兴趣，和钻研的深度，适度的加上难课，这样不但不会打消积极性，反而会更诱人。”个人感觉这么说，就比较严谨了，因为题目说的是学生自由选择，我们批判他，但是老师选择就是可行的了。

Furthermore, students in college or at university should pay more attention on outlook enlarging than on partial difficult knowledge pursuit. As we all know that the science and technology become more and more interweaved among different disciplines. Many specialists are no longer satisfying to focus on the very little area of their researches. Their researches’ development need be incorporated some other necessary knowledge and information. Take biochemistry for example, students in this major need to comprehend knowledge both with biology and chemistry. Otherwise, the student may become uninformed. Thereby, in order to breed a graduate with comprehensive knowledge officials in universities should set a broad range of courses for students to choose rather than build difficult classes which easily lead to restriction.论点还是略显不适，这个后边说。

k/ X! d; c# D' R& y
  h) Q: B+ v  x1 _
To sum up, it is not advisable to ask students to attend difficult courses in during their college time. The requirement will restrict and impede some students’ interests and imagination. It also contradicts with the trend of interdisciplinary development.

我说楼主是牛人吧， 你还不承认，这语言，这句子，这文笔，这...多牛
而且观点还与众不同，但是感觉楼主把整篇批判的重点都放在了选择难课上，其实可以换一种方式，就是不应该过分的让学生选课自由
因为
1、打消积极性
2、选课不科学，不适合社会的需要
其实这个题目，我后来仔细想想，感觉出题者其实是想让我们讨论advisor的合理性，（听说美国的选课都是有advisor）的，所以楼主的观点与老美想要的答案不谋而合了。。。
真是牛人啊，还没出国，就跟西方思想不谋而合了

MVTUID: 2588209

回复： 7# DriftKing

DK啊，DK，你还在忽悠我。艾，我真的不是牛人，如果你觉得我句子“好”，那也是准备AW时候花了2个多月准备的结果，我就想说，如果有一天我英语很棒了，那肯定不是我的天赋，而是我用辛劳和汗水浇铸的，而且肯定是比别人付出了更多的时间。牛人貌似不太用学习就能拿到好成绩的。
再次谢谢你对我的信任！

关于文章：
DK你说得很在理！说心理话，确实论证不够，自己都觉得说服不了自己。这也许是为了追求按时完成所致，也许是自己急需解决的不足。我下一阶段不打算限时，好好推敲说理，看看能不能改进。谢谢修改和建议！
另外，我觉得主题没有强调自由选课的意思，题眼就是：该不该选难课？