0910AW 同主题写作第十期 ISSUE48=August Rush= 第6次作业 by 尾羽

尾羽UID: 2482591

48"The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten." 48． 对历史的研究把太多的重点放在对某些个人上。而历史上一些重大的事件和发展趋势不是由个别名人决定的，而可能是由那些已经被人们淡忘的人制造的

正：很多历史事件确实是一群人创造的，而非个人，因此我们应该重视集体在历史上的功劳。
反：有些历史事件和发展趋势确实是由个别人决定的
那些著名历史人物之所以著名，就是因为他们的出现成为了历史事件发生重大变化的分水岭watershed。也就说，没有他们，历史将是另一个样子。举例~独立宣言Lincoln,二战 Hitler
反：历史研究的关键在于是否真实的反应当时的情况，而非关注究竟是谁决定了历史的发展

尾羽UID: 2482591

words：512  time:01:30:00(zenmeban zenmeban!!!)

I find that the speaker’s claim would be specious on both counts. The claim that over emphasis has been hinged on individuals in the study of history, while appealing in some respects, is an over- statement at best. And the claim that the most significant events and trends in history possibly were contributed by groups of people who had been forgotten rather than some famous might be deducted by one-sided consideration.

To begin with, admittedly, concerning that certain famous events were attributed to a group of anonymous people rather than brilliant individual, we would pay attention to the anonymous contribution in the study of history. No matter mentioning any battle even a war in the human history, most of undistinguished soldiers’ identities have been forgotten who scarified their blood, family and even life. I recollect the fierce and bloody scenes of Normandy Landing in “Saving Private Ryan” which is a film about stories happened during the Second World War. The group of soldiers losing their legs or arms, definitely, should be the main part of the history that should be recorded and remembered.

However, certain history events and trends do allow us to focus on private contributions which may become a watershed to lead to a pivotal change to the result of the history. In another word, without certain famous historical figure, our history in nowadays would be distinctive another one. And that is also the reason why they are so popularly known. For instance, the most famous scientist and inventor Einstein who invented the bulb, undoubtedly, is contributed for lightening our world as a historical invention in the human history. And Adolf Hitler, the leader of the Nazi Party during the Second World War, concededly, has responsibility for the millions of slaughtered Jew.

Ultimately, in my observation, the study of history should concentrate on whether the recorded history obeys the truth at that time, rather than merely demonstrate which person or group has impact to the development of history events or trends. On April 14, 1912, the Titanic, the largest, most complex ship afloat, struck an iceberg and sank. The disaster results in that only 705 persons survived the sinking of the ship, out of 2,228 passengers and crew members. 1,523 lives were lost when the Titanic ship beneath the ice cold waters of the Atlantic. Some people believe that if the captain did not over trust his experience of voyage, Titanic could keep away from the iceberg and survive; and others think that the engineer for designing the ship would take the main responsibility for the sinking because only 20 lifeboats were equipped. On every count, titanic ship sinking which is a disaster in human history would never change, whatever which one person or group was responsible.

In sum, history events or trends may sometimes were contributed by individual and sometimes by a group of people. We should not be biased toward any side of individual or group. From my point of view, showing great respect to the truth of the history is the most appropriate manner of history study.

RufusgwUID: 2501942

不好意思，这两天事有点多，暂时没顾上这。明天我一定改后给楼主奉上。

RufusgwUID: 2501942

I find that the speaker’s claim would be specious on both counts. The claim that over emphasis has been hinged on individuals in the study of history, while appealing in some respects, is an over- statement（不好意思，over-statement是大话的意思……） at best. And the claim that the（不用the） most significant events and trends in history possibly were contributed by groups of people who had been forgotten rather than some famous（some famous what？要么就用the famous,要么famous后面得跟个名词。否则这里的语法就有问题了） might be deducted by one-sided consideration.

To begin with, admittedly, concerning that certain famous events were attributed to a group of anonymous people rather than brilliant individual, we would pay attention to the anonymous contribution（anonymous’） in the study of history. No matter mentioning any battle even a war(Any battle even a war?这句语法恐怕有点问题。要么是any battle even war, 要么是any battles ever wars) in the human history, most of undistinguished soldiers’ identities have been forgotten who scarified（Sacrified） their blood, family and even life（这三个词似乎没有形成很好的递进啊）. I recollect the fierce and bloody scenes of Normandy Landing in “Saving Private Ryan” which is a film about stories happened during the Second World War（说实话，二战一般而言是被称作是World war Ii）. The group of soldiers losing their legs or arms, definitely, should be the main part of the history that should be recorded and remembered
读了这一段，我感觉是你想到了《拯救大兵瑞恩》中的情节，然后就直接得出“众多士兵们应该被视作是历史的主要组成部分”的结论。这个思维跳跃确实很赞……而且整段似乎也没什么重点论述，比如说无名的大多数的贡献是怎么体现的，好像连就事论事也谈不上。AW毕竟是要求写议论文，不是散文……
However, certain history events and trends do allow us to focus on private contributions which may become a watershed（watersheds，单复数要同形啊） to lead to a pivotal change to the result of the history（就直接是change to the history够了，你这样写反而画蛇添足）. In another word, without certain famous historical figure, our history （为什么要in nowadays呢？nowadays 是副词，nowaday是形容词，总之都和名词扯不上关系。）in nowadays would be distinctive（Distinctively）another one. And that is also the reason why they are so popularly known. For instance, the most famous scientist and inventor Einstein who invented the bulb（拜托，你不怕爱迪生他老人家从坟墓里爬出来把你灭了？其实更严格说，电灯泡的初发明者是James Woodward和Matthew Evans，后来他们把专利卖给了爱迪生，然后爱迪生通过改良使得电灯泡真正成为耐用的家用电器）, undoubtedly, is contributed for lightening our world as a historical invention in the human history. And Adolf Hitler, the leader of the Nazi Party during the Second World War, concededly, has responsibility for the millions of slaughtered Jew（这句中responsibility用得比较chinglish，而且，为什么要是has？拜托Hitler已经挂了64年了），.

Ultimately（看你上一篇文章里面也喜欢用ultimately，还以为你就准备结尾了……好好考量一下这个词的用法吧）, in my observation, the study of history should concentrate on whether the recorded history obeys the truth at that time（又是一句比较chinglish的用法，history本身能发出obey的动作吗？）, rather than merely demonstrate（demonstrating） which person or group has impact to(on) the development of history events or trends. On April 14, 1912, the Titanic（不用the）, the largest, most complex ship afloat, struck an iceberg and sank. The disaster results in that only 705 persons survived the sinking of the ship（其实the sinking of the ship可以不要）, out of 2,228 passengers and crew members. 1,523 lives were lost when the Titanic ship（was） beneath the ice cold waters of the Atlantic. Some people believe that if the captain did not over trust his experience of voyage, Titanic could keep away from the iceberg and survive; and others think that the engineer for designing the ship would take the main responsibility for the sinking because only 20 lifeboats were equipped. On every count, titanic ship sinking which is a disaster in human history would never change, whatever which （whatever which？有这种用法吗？）one person or group was responsible.

In sum, history events or trends may sometimes were（may were，这么搭配确实很……）contributed by individual and sometimes by a group of people. We should not be biased toward any side of individual or group. From my point of view, showing great respect to the truth of the history is the most appropriate manner of history study.
结尾颇为仓促，是没时间了?写不下去了？

个人感觉楼主对语法知识似乎有所遗忘。建议楼主好好考量一下the 的确切用法，另外对某些句式结构再认真修改一下。