【搓人MTRL】MTRL2000的第一篇作文(跟随暑期集结号的脚步)

MTRL2009UID: 2664551

Topic: Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time, children should not be allowed to play them.

It is an obvious fact that computer games are normally time consuming games which occupy a person's much more attention to the virtual reality than to a real world. Multiple results concerning to this turn out to be low efficiency, obesity and chronically poor physical and mental health conditions. Children are usually the victims to these consequences mentioned above. So in this sense, computer games should be limited to adolescents, even if they are not completely banned. Several key reasons are discussed in the following paragraphs.

The first reason I want to point it out is that poor sense of  time allocation management and self-control among children is the most crucial factor during this precious period, usually we called it "golden age", in learning knowledge either from textbooks or from social practice. Take a famous online game "World Of Warcraft"  as an example, game players spend 10 hours a day on average in training, playing or competition. Moreover, a large amount of money which seems to be an unnecessary expense is spent on simulation equipments according to the game plot. We cannot imagine a child expend too much time, along with the money on the game instead of doing significant others, for instance, assignments, physical exercise, housework or social activities.

Poor physical health condition is the second undeniable factor which people should pay attention to. It's no secret that sedentary behavior contributes to obesity and chronically poor health. But not all sedentary behaviors are created equal, according to a new study that examines the link between blood pressure in children and their choice of inactive pastimes, including watching TV, using the computer and reading. Researchers in the U.S. and Spain collaborated on the study of 111 children ages 3 to 8 and found that of all the forms of inactivity they examined, television-viewing was the worst. It was linked to significantly higher blood pressure in children — the more TV kids watched, the higher their blood pressure — and the effect held true regardless of whether a child was heavy or at a healthy weight. What's more, other sedentary behaviors, like using a computer, were not associated with similar blood-pressure hikes, according to the study,
which was published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine.

Excessive playing computer games gives rise to another consequence, that is, poor mental health and bad relationship with people around them. This is the third factor I want to talk about. Good personalities or virtues, like punctuality, open-minded, accommodating, and so on, cannot be established if children are so addicted to computer games, they don't even have a time speaking to their parents, friends, etc..

So far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that children should do everything according to their age instead of playing computer games all day long, surveillance and constant home education from parents by all means is probably the best way to keep children from computer games.

字数：486


以下列一些朋友的评语（08同学可忽略这些文字～）：

fragile sister的点评：

◆ 把point it out中的it去掉。

◆ 把usually we called it "golden age"改成"golden age" that we usually called

◆ We cannot imagine a child expend too much time,,,
      expend改成expending

未名 同学的点评：

◆ Excessive playing computer games gives rise to another consequence, that is, poor mental health and bad relationship with people around them.
    Excessively playing ...bad people skills or bad communications skills. Also, those are two consequences, instead of one

◆ This is the third factor I want to talk about. Good personalities or virtues, like punctuality, open-minded, accommodating, and so on, cannot be established if children are so addicted to computer games, they don"t even have a time speaking to their parents, friends, etc..
    1. Good personality or virtue ... ...open-minded and accomodating are not parallel to punctuality, it is questionable to have "accomodating" placed in such a category
    2. have time, instead of "have a time"
    3. Also, the logic of given cause and effect isn"t very convincing somehow.

◆ So far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that children should do everything according to their age instead of playing computer games all day long, surveillance and constant home education from parents by all means is probably the best way to keep children from computer games.

    1. do everything according to their age" is not very understandable in an English setting

     2. surveillance and home education are two things by all means... it sounds like that everything goes even though we are only talking about curbing kids to play computer games.

jiang08UID: 2391146

Topic: Do you agree or disagree? Playing computer games is wasting time, children should not be allowed to play them.

cap对不住了 迟了好久>< 不要怪我5555

It is an obvious fact that computer games are normally time consuming (games多余） which occupy a person's much more attention（which gear people's attention more） to the virtual reality than to a real world. Multiple results concerning (to多余) this turn out to be low efficiency, obesity and chronically poor physical and mental health conditions. Children are usually the victims to these consequences mentioned above. So in this sense, computer games should be limited to adolescents, even if they are not completely banned. Several key reasons are discussed in the following paragraphs.

The first reason I want to point it out is that poor sense of  time allocation management and self-control among children is the most crucial factor (negative influences较好，一般说factor是中性的) during this precious period, usually we called it（which we usually call） "golden age", in（？） learning knowledge either from textbooks or from social practice（是想说这个阶段是学习知识的最佳机会么？可以用prime time for learning XXX）. Take a famous online game "World Of Warcraft"  as an example, game players spend 10 hours a day on average in training, playing or competition. Moreover, a large amount of money which seems to be an unnecessary expense is spent on simulation equipments according to the game plot. We cannot imagine a child（这里写一个healthy的小孩比较好，突出游戏的负面影响） expend（spending） too much time, along with the money on the game instead of doing significant others（more meaning things）, for instance, assignments, physical exercise, housework or social activities.

Z4 g
Poor physical health condition is the second undeniable factor which people should pay attention to. It's no secret that sedentary behavior contributes to obesity and chronically poor health. But not all sedentary behaviors are created equal, according to a new study that examines the link between blood pressure in children and their choice of inactive pastimes, including watching TV, using the computer and reading. Researchers in the U.S. and Spain collaborated on the study of 111 children ages 3 to 8 （and多余） found that of all the forms of inactivity they examined, television-viewing（television watching） was the worst. It was linked to significantly higher blood pressure in children — the more TV kids watched, the higher their blood pressure — and the effect held true regardless of whether a child was heavy or at a healthy weight. What's more, other sedentary behaviors, like using a computer, were not associated with similar blood-pressure hikes, according to the study, which was published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. 既然看电视是这三者里最不利健康的，那么这段就像是在为电脑游戏辩护了。

Excessive playing computer games（computer gaming） gives rise to another consequence, that (which) is, poor mental health and bad relationship with people around them. This is the third factor I want to talk about. Good personalities or virtues, like punctuality, open-minded (open-mindedness) , accommodating（表示“适应能力”？）, and so on, cannot be established if children are so addicted to computer games, (缺when) they don't even have a time speaking（to talk） to their parents, friends, etc..

So far as I am concerned, I strongly believe that children should do everything according to their age instead of playing computer games all day long,句号 surveillance and constant home education from parents by all means is probably the best way to keep children from computer games.
MTRL2009 发表于 2009-8-9 06:28

总体来说论证是很充分的，就是关于那三者的健康因素，其实不用比较也可以，就写写小孩视力下降啦，玩电脑猝死的青年啊什么的就可以了。