求助ISSUE开头段写法

jade1988UID: 2534936

练习到现在，写了二十几篇提纲，十篇文章，但是ISSUE得开头部分总是觉得不太好。让步开头的话既肯定又否定，中间的转折就成了问题，不能太急切的一下就说不好，还要阐述的清楚，
    比如第31篇
31. Money spent on research is almost a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial.
我的开头是这么写的

Theoretically, researches are done for human advancement and investments on them are surely worthwhile. However, in the pragmatic world, other immediate issues that relating to the survival of humanity is urging to be solved, therefore, when investing, we’ll have to take the whole society into account. If the researches are less urgent or potentially controversial, we should be considerate and spend money on confronting those immediate problems.
不知道可不可以，逻辑上是不是还牵强呢？

米饭袜子UID: 2532172

Theoretically, researches are done for human advancement and investments on them are surely worthwhile. （这句有语法错误。。。）However, in the pragmatic world, other immediate issues that relating to the survival of humanity is urging to be solved, therefore, when investing（没见过这种表达额。。）, we’ll have to take the whole society into account（这句话逻辑很有问题，怎么就能从理论上和现实中的research的目的就退出你的therefore?况且你这个“理论”和“现实”是怎么分的？MS都不是在说一个事儿啊，你的“理论”上说的是research，到“现实”却变成了在说immediate issues。。。）. If the researches are less urgent or potentially controversial, we should be considerate（这个词用的莫名其妙） and spend money on confronting those immediate problems.
小结：
整个开头看下来我居然没找到你“针对这道一休”的论点|||
如果说你最后一句是你的论点的话，那LZ你对题目的分析很有问题。
这明显是一道“事实”题目，你最后落脚点却是“should”

你再仔细看看题目，题目让我们探讨的是“投资研究到底是不是good investment”后面是作者补充的一个假设条件，用以支持自己的观点。这跟我们“应该怎么做”有什么关系呢？你阐述我们应该注重眼前问题也好，我们应该看长远利益也好，看完你的论述，我还是不知道你到底认为Money spent on research 是不是a good investment呢？

LZ这个开头我不赞同的有两点：
1 罗嗦
2 观点不明

问题1是针对LZ语言功底，这个只能慢慢练
问题2 一方面是语言表达，另一方面就是LZ审题很有问题。这个建议看看作文版的“追星剑特训”

另外，对于一休的开头，我的看法是如果写作功底不那么深厚的话，力求简洁，观点明确就可以了，关键是你后文的论述

anyway,批判地接受，毕竟我的水平也有限~LZ加油:)

lela900UID: 2634833

2# 米饭袜子
狂顶~~
谢谢斑竹,小板油收益匪浅~

jade1988UID: 2534936

2# 米饭袜子

下午又从新写了一次。
    I do not agree with the assertion that investment on research which has controversial results   is good, since it could be harmful to the society. Even the research has good results, the investment on it still cannot necessarily be good, because when comparing with some social problems, the finite money should be spent on the more urgent thing.

jade1988UID: 2534936

DDD

草木也知愁UID: 2487572

I do not agree with the assertion that investment on research which has controversial results  is good, since it could be harmful to the society. Even the research has good results, the investment on it still cannot necessarily be good, because when comparing with some social problems, the finite money should be spent on the more urgent thing.

1、AW中尽量避免用I\MY这些第一人称

2、语序问题：这段是中文语序，要把重点以及原因等前置

3、如果可以用些好的词 那就用吧 要不写个ibt的开头 一眼看去也就没有什么阅读兴趣了

4、结构单调，两个句子每个都是point+because，太单调了

5、因为本身信息密度不高，所以句子没有必要写长，不要run-on

jade1988UID: 2534936

6# 草木也知愁


万分感谢，我再努力。

jade1988UID: 2534936

6# 草木也知愁


可不可以直接这么写？
    Money spent on some researches can be good investment, but this assertion cannot be extended to embrace those researches whose results are controversial.

jade1988UID: 2534936

DDDD

何运腾1UID: 2779921

受益匪浅

長安UID: 2573189

Money spent on some researches can be good investment, but this assertion cannot be extended to embrace those researches whose results are controversial
語言上不多講，米飯斑斑其實已經一針見血點明了，我也覺得樓主您審題上還要再細想。
“Money spent on research is almost a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial.”
破題點很多，光是拎住budget的問題，展開欠缺了點。money的確是關鍵詞，您的觀點是符合的。但是主要的是good or not. 把這點完全撇開只談目前和將來，是divergent.個人觀點，僅供參考。 :)