【kaleidoscope】小组第8次作业 argument238 by rjyuu

rjyuuUID: 2591508

"Atnearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more jobcounselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduatingseniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista Collegelast year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement officethat they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within threemonths after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed intheir major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, wemust offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additionaljob counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewingskills."

In this argument, the author recommend that in order to enhance the employmentrate among graduates at Mira Vista College , more courses in certain areasshould be offered and additional job counselors should be hired. To support hisconclusion the author pointed out that with the same measures Green MountainCollege has achieved a higher employment rate than Mira Vista College did.Although at first sight the argument seems to be appealing, it is in factill-reasoned, as discussed below.

To start with, the author simply assumes that graduates in GreenMountain College are more popular in job markets that those in Mira VistaCollege, yet he fails to provide sufficient evidence to substantiate thiscrucial assumption. The statistic evidence cited by the author is specious. Theauthor unfairly equals offers with corporeal jobs. And although 90% seems to alarge percentage, nobody knows how much percentage of students in GreenMountain College got their jobs within three months, is it still higher than70%? Besides, the author also overlooks the possibility that the employment rateamong those who didn't bother to inform the placement office many be prettyhigh, which may contribute to a higher overall employment rate in Mira VistaCollege. The evidence is also problematic in that what happens last year maynot be true of this year. Thus the author could hardly convince us that studentsin Green Mountain College are really more popular in job market.

In addition, even if employers mostly prefer graduates in GreenMountain College than in Mira Vista College, the author further assumes thatthis is due to that Green Mountain College has more business courses and jobcounselors. It is entirely possible Green Mountain is a college with a longhistory and a renowned reputation. Thus it would be no wonder her graduates arebetter admitted in society. Also, the location should be taken intoconsideration, chances are that Green Mountain College locates in remote andless-developed areas where college graduates are rare and cherished while MiraVista College lies in a big city with other good universities around, thus hergraduate will undoubtedly face a more severe competition in job-hunting andcomparable lower employment rate is unavoidable. What's more, students’ majorsplay an important role when they seek jobs, maybe students in Green Mountaincollege are mostly studying business or other pragmatic majors while Mira VistaCollege is famous for art. It is wildly acknowledged that business andengineering students tend to find jobs more easily.

Finally, granted it is more business courses and job counselorsaccount for Green Mountain College students’ job-hunting prosper, the authoralso assumes without justification that the job counselors in Green MountainCollege are mostly helping graduates with their resumes and interviewing skills.It is entirely possible that job counselors’ main task there is to help studentfigure out what they like and are able to do from the time they enter thiscollege as well as prepare them for their future careers; or maybe they merelyfocus their attention on improving graduate's general practical skills likeanalytical writing or critical thinking. In sum, unless the author offer more evidenceto denote what exactly job counselors are doing in Green Mountain College, hecan not reach his cited conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is not so convincing as it stands. To makeit more compelling the author had better provide more cogent evidence, reasonmore convincingly as well as take every possibility into consideration.

p.s这是写的时间最长的一篇argu差不多写了一个小时 觉得逻辑错误暴多 不知道孰轻孰重

anyway 小宝老师说 想把argu写好每种错误至少要写三篇总数三十篇左右。。。学校类的联系还不够 F.A的练习不够 所以才这么手生 吧。。。加油

感谢组长大人找到了这么变态的题目 呵呵

网兜妮妮UID: 2612538

In this argument, the author recommend that in order to enhance the employmentrate among graduates at Mira Vista College , more courses in certain areasshould be offered and additional job counselors should be hired. To support his conclusion the author pointed out that with the same measures Green MountainCollege has achieved a higher employment rate than Mira Vista College did.Although at first sight the argument seems to be appealing, it is in fact ill-reasoned, as discussed below.

To start with, the author simply assumes that graduates in GreenMountain College are more popular in job markets that those in Mira VistaCollege, yet（这里好像不应该是转折的意思吧） he fails to provide sufficient evidence to substantiate this crucial assumption. The statistic evidence cited by the author is specious. The author unfairly equals（前面好像都用的是过去式哦，后面又是一般现在式了，时态要统一） offers with corporeal jobs. And although 90% seems to alarge percentage, nobody knows how much percentage of students in GreenMountain College got their jobs within three months, is it still higher than70%? Besides, the author also overlooks the possibility that the employment rateamong those who didn't bother to inform the placement office many be pretty high, which may contribute to a higher overall employment rate in Mira VistaCollege. The evidence is also problematic in that what happens last year maynot be true of this year. Thus the author could hardly convince us that studentsin Green Mountain College are really more popular in job market.

In addition, even if employers mostly prefer graduates in GreenMountain College than in Mira Vista College, the author further assumes that this is due to that Green Mountain College has more business courses and jobcounselors. It is entirely possible Green Mountain is a college with a longhistory and a renowned reputation. Thus it would be no wonder her graduates arebetter admitted in society. Also, the location should be taken intoconsideration, chances are that Green Mountain College locates in remote andless-developed areas where college graduates are rare and cherished while MiraVista College lies in a big city with other good universities around, thus her graduate will undoubtedly face a more severe competition in job-hunting andcomparable lower employment rate is unavoidable. What's more, students’ majorsplay an important role when they seek jobs, maybe students in Green Mountaincollege are mostly studying business or other pragmatic majors while Mira VistaCollege is famous for art. It is wildly acknowledged that business andengineering students tend to find jobs more easily.

Finally, granted it is more business courses and job counselorsaccount for Green Mountain College students’ job-hunting prosper, the author also assumes without justification that the job counselors in Green Mountain College are mostly helping graduates with their resumes and interviewing skills.It is entirely possible that job counselors’ main task there is to help students figure out what they like and are able to do from the time they enter this college as well as prepare them for their future careers; or maybe they merelyfocus their attention on improving graduate's general practical skills likeanalytical writing or critical thinking. In sum, unless the author offer more evidenceto denote what exactly job counselors are doing in Green Mountain College, hecan not reach his cited conclusion.

To sum up, the argument is not so convincing as it stands. To make it more compelling the author had better provide more cogent evidence, reason more convincingly as well as take every possibility into consideration.