批改lisaC的:
Nowadays, College students face more and more fierce competitions with the development of society, we are not guaranteed jobs when we graduate from college. (首句就是比较严重的语法错误,一句话出现了两套主谓,不管怎么样当中加个连词and吧。)Why do we attend university? Many college students really don't have a clear reason for it. In my opinion, we come here for following three purposes, learning, preparing(preparation) and experience.
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The primary purpose for attending college or university is to learn more. College and university can teach student the footstone of future. The education here tells us how to be excellent in discovering, learning, investing, sharing, living, exploring, supporting, aspiring, thinking, creating, experiencing and succeeding. It is not only about basic theories (前面是it is ,这里怎么会有复数形式?)but also about the basic truth of human beings. It teaches us to see things as they are, to go right to the point, to disentangle a skein of thought, to detect what is sophistical, and to discard what is irrelevant. (这段写的不好,犯了ETS官方指出的典型错误,你仅仅是堆砌大量的vocabulary和一些空洞的排比去叙述问题的存在,而并没有任何深入的佐证和展开。) `$ W2 b& B2 r9 D& }+ B' \/ w
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Another purpose is to prepare(for) our career in the future. University education is a process to lead and urge university students to achieve their socialization. $ o1 ?6 ]: Z5 }: ~! |, k/ e& J
As the saying goes, A college is a small society. It is a place where most people can see themselves making the transition to adulthood. On the one hand,
We have a favorable environment in the university for us to prepare the necessary passports in the society. Apart from the College degree itself, we can also have time to get more certificates, such as National Computer Rank Examination, CET 6, BEC, CPA and so on(这些土巴巴的例子不要多举,老外兴许根本不知道NCRE,CET,CPA为何物,在他看来就是也许根本就是无效佐证。). 7 S0 6 ^, d' w7 a6 Q6 ?$ h, N
On the other hand, we can gain social interaction ability through four years of university life. College life is different from our previous school environment. There are many activities here to help us improve our , Q/ R. }r7 w% Q2 b' ~, b
interpersonal relationships and social skills. / ^" `6 x6 Z4 p()(nide1)
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Furthermore, the campus life is a memorable experience for us. College may be the closest one gets to heaven on earth. The school life is really simple and free. We will have years of great memories here. Some may meet many friends to share thoughts, feelings, hopes and aspirations as well as hurt, anger, longing and memories of painful or embarrassing experiences. Some may have a beautiful love in the university, walking on campus holding the hand of their lovers. Each of the college students can create a lifetime of meaningful memories. - zD. q+ `0 y7
短句太多,ETS非常鄙视总是使用短句的人,一定要多启用复杂的句式.
To sum up, attending college or university helps us learn much, prepare for the future and have a great experience, In conclusion, Campus life is to be treasured.
也许你没有仔细思考,仓促写成的,总的来说,写的不好,观点很多很杂,但是每一个都没有fully developed。这是大忌中的大忌,是阅卷人最不愿意看到的response。 |