征战10t小组8.17——作文

lisa_CUID：2678347

7# DarthSidious

People will seek an opportunity to attend college or university for several reasons, but the most important or the most essential reason is to well prepare their career. That is to say, they want to learn the basis of specific field and to find chances to go into the field.

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The works in the modern society become more and more complex and technical, so a complete training can not easily be done by self study. However, the college or university has a long tested education system to many fields, they have good training mode, group of experienced faculty, abound library. The good training mode guarantees you could to master all the essentials in the field, the experienced faculty teaches you the knowledge luminously and foresighted, and good library permit you to do your study deeply and extensively.

The college or university also provides lots of opportunity(opportunities) to the field. This is not to say that the college have relevant work positions itself, instead, the college may establish some collaborate relationship with some companies or organizations which would like to accepted graduated students of this school as their new staff. And in addition, the company or the organization will pay enough attention to this kind of new staff, in another words, you would have more chances to be promoted. 4 p8 b: T+ s% k0 X! w7 ?7 F

These two aspects are important to people who want to a work in specific field?, suppose a man with no(not) enough expertise, there wouldn’t be any good position(positions)  provided to him. And suppose a man full of knowledge but with no(not) chances to go to his field, it’s also hard to achieve a success. In fact, since these two points are so important and are only available in college or university, people would have willingness to get an admission.


总体

1.语言上，觉得很多地方的表达方式有些奇怪（有点想中式英语），不过我读的英文不多，可能是我的原因
2.内容上，结构性不是很好，感觉起来有些模糊，中间的小段可以有总结句，更加直观清晰
3.语法还是不提了，我也不懂>_<

lisa_CUID：2678347

8# kiralovely

Accepting university education is becoming an extremley attractive option to huge crowds of poeple.More academic people tend to obtain further degrees,such as master,phd,etc. however,the motivation of attending college varies form(from,这个应该是笔误吧^&^?) one individual to another.From my point of view(学习了^^）,university education plays a rather significant role in one's life and the reason to explain this sort of tendency can be summarized as the following conclusion:knowledge driven and community driven.% _2 `3 e$ c6 I" ^# X; d8 m$ f
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To begin with,I strongly insist that the knowledge driven situation should be regard(regarded) as the majarity(majority?).Nobody denies that university plays a vital and central role in the higher education system.Because university education is the most powerful machine which is established in modern society,those who own the curiosity to get more konwledge(knowledge又是笔误吧？) and those who have the ambition to make breakthrough in their own spheres are strongly willing to take course in university.For example,since 1980s',huge amounts of chinese(Chinese大写^^） undergraduate students have applied U.S universities and research institutions for get the opportunities pursuing master degree as well as Phd degree（这里语法上有问题？）.They left far away from their parents,communities,companions,cities and motherland and flew beyond half a planet to an unfamiliar country not only to study abroad with scholarships but also for the exceptional academic reputation of U.S institutions therefore they could obtain much advanced knowledge and technology.

Futhermore,a large quantities of people pursue university education holding the motivation of  community driven.And this motivation could be splited as 2 factors:career reputation and treasure.As we can see,the criterion that modern society evaluates people becomes multiple.Nevertheless, individual's education background always ranks as top aspects.For instance, 3 precedent Intel chief executive officers including Robert Noyce,Gorden Moore,Andy Grove all own physical or electrical engineering phd degree from MIT,UC berkeley or Stanford.Apprently,their university education and research experience helps them a lot to their further career development.

To sum up, I assert the tendency that university education attracts huge amounts of people because of both knowledge and community assessment.Actually,these 2 reasons are reasonable，sustainable and universal.


总体

1.语言很好，上下文承接也自然
2.内容上，从knowledge和community 两个论点展开，而且首尾都很鲜明提出观点，一目了然，分别讨论时也做得很好。
3.可能打字快了笔误有几处^^，小细节上有些粗心（譬如必须首字母大些的单词）。

月下花魂UID：2603612

To 阿狸：
For some reason (reasons), people nowadays are eager to step into college to receive higher education, which is said to be likely to enable people to view things from a much broader aspect as well as specific professional angle. According to my view, I strongly recommend that people should at least have the general basic conception of what they are going to acquire from higher education before they enter the college. That is, prospective college students with various characteristics have to choose the college and major that are most suitable for themselves. (开头怎么说呢，语言很强大，词汇也很多，但是有点像在打太极，最好直接道出你的观点)

As is known to all, people who are possessed of gregarious and sociable nature are likely to attend college to get to know more friends and new environments. That means, these people develop an intimate relationship quite fast when set into a strange place, say, the university campus. With the talent in quickly adapting to the surroundings and figuring out what is going on around themselves, these students are likely to mainly focus their energy on subjects such as economics, managements or similarly related ones. In universities, they learn how to cope with more challenging problems set into all kinds of real world situations. They are also taught the knowledge to make the most use of their talents so as to come up with innovative and efficient methods to tackle difficult problems and satisfy unexpected requests. From the discussion above, we can see that certain kinds of people are expected to achieve the most of themselves in seeking for high education in society and human related fields. (个人建议主题句一定要清新明了，另外对于主题句的说明要充分，觉得从开头看到现在有点八股的味道，建议可以把句子、词汇难度降下来，宁愿用短句，也要把问题说说清)

It is also true that there are people who are not concerned or enthusiastic about social activities. These people go to college mainly with the purpose to fulfill their own ideals. For example, a quite and insightful person might find it attracting to calmly sit in a garden and sketch the trees and flowers with a painting brush, so he or she enters an art academy to receive professional instruction on painting. Still another example, a curious and serious person is likely to get into college to study the subject that he or she has decided to devote his or her whole life to--- mathematics, physics, chemistry, or any scientific field that requires accurate calculation and explanation. In conclusion, people are inclined to choose the study field which will optimize the outcome when combined with their own advantages.（这一段写的非常好，主题清晰，例子也很有说服力，赞一个）

Nonetheless, there are also people who are going to college in seeking for all round fulfillment of one’s physical and mental pursuit. People also go there to meet new friends, appreciate different culture, receive better career preparation, or simply for fresh and exciting experience. It is even commonplace to see that numerous people went to college without exact purposes and later gradually discovered their real interest and potential on campus.（这段感觉思维有点乱，个人建议最好挑清楚某几个原因，然后展开详细论述）

个人觉得你的基本功非常的扎实，词汇和句型都很强大，但是可能对T作文的切题方法还没有掌握吧，这是第一篇，先仔细看看ＯＧ，揣摩一下，多练练，应该很快就上手了^_^

colettUID：2463706

我改的不是作文是寂寞！！！
我要奖品！！！
For some reasons, people nowadays are eager to step into college to receive higher education, which is said to be likely to enable people to view things from(这个搭配有问题) a much broader aspect as well as (是否该加a much more) specific professional angle. According to my view, I strongly recommend that people should at least have the general basic conception（这词和后面的内容不搭吧？） of what they are going to acquire from higher education before they enter the college. That is, prospective college students with various characteristics have to choose the college and major that are most suitable for themselves（长句子用的很牛逼啊！！）., S# N* [7 `7 }7 s  D, C

0 e8 L, [. e9 G% x: ~& P8 GAs is known to all, people who are possessed of gregarious and sociable nature are likely to attend college to get to know more friends and new environments（和know搭配？）. That means, these people develop an intimate relationship quite fast when set into a strange place, say, the university campus. With the talent in quickly adapting to the surroundings and figuring out what is going on around themselves, these students are likely to mainly focus their energy on（可以这么用？用devote to不行么？） subjects such as economics, managements or similarly related ones. In universities, they learn how to cope with more challenging problems set into all kinds of real world situations. They are also taught the knowledge to make the most use of their talents so as to come up with innovative and efficient methods to tackle difficult problems and satisfy unexpected requests. From the discussion above, we can see that certain kinds of people are expected to achieve the most of themselves in seeking for high education in society and human related fields.（语言功底很好啊，不愧是特等奖啊）
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1 y; ?* k" k+ E4 _( yIt is also true that there are people who are not concerned or enthusiastic about（前面两个词的介词搭配好像不一样吧？） social activities. These people go to college mainly with the purpose to fulfill their own ideals. For example, a quite and insightful person might find it attracting to calmly sit in a garden and sketch the trees and flowers with a painting brush, so he or she enters an art academy to receive professional instruction on painting. Still another example, a curious and serious person is likely to get into college to study the subject that he or she has decided to devote his or her whole life to--- mathematics, physics, chemistry, or any scientific field that requires accurate calculation and explanation. In conclusion, people are inclined to choose the study field which will optimize the outcome when combined with their own advantages（这段写得真好，还能把自己素描的例子写上，不孬）.,（）% `/ M* @( h6 ?

& p7 b( v* T/ n- ?& |. ^# oNonetheless, there are also people who are going to college in seeking for all round fulfillment of one’s physical and mental pursuit. People also go there to meet new friends, appreciate different culture（别扭）, receive better career preparation（别扭）, or simply for freshing and exciting experience. It is even commonplace to see that numerous people went to college without exact purposes and later gradually discovered their real interest and potential on campus
阿里，你的水平果然不差，相信中文写作应该也很厉害吧，不学文科真是有点瞎了啊，不过总觉得你写这篇作文的时候不够认真，是因为在赶作业么？还有篇幅是不是有点长了啊？GRE也就是这个字数了吧。嘻嘻，我英语水平一般，自知批改的水平也高不到哪去，凑活着看看吧.

oceanmasterUID：2594404

People attend university for different reasons like new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge, to meet new people, to be specialized in a field, to change the city that they were born in, to make their parents proud, to be out of the parents' eyes and many, many other reasons. (文章首段的功能是引出话题，概括全文。这里引出话题的功能显然是完成了；但是相较于全文，手段并没有体现出概括全文结构的功能。)
(此外，这句话本身是没错的，但是在所举例子非常多的情况下，将他们一一罗列在句子中部，使整句显得拖沓，不如将其拆成长短句更有美感。比如：People have countless reasons to attend colleges. For examplt, XXX ,XXX, XXX,XXXX...如果能将理由简单分类以便于理解就更好了)

As human beings(因为是人类所以一定是programmed?如果是想表达我们人类就有这么个特点XXX的意思，不若用We man kind are just programmed.....), we are programmed to establish goals in our life.(再一次，段首句尽可能概括全段) One of the goals is the career or how we will earn the income and at what standard we want to live.(其实将句子作简单整理可以取得好得多的效果。One of these goals is to get a better career, which will probably decide your future income and thus , your living condition). If we want a high level (of) income and life (quality), then is (It is) necessary to choose a university or a college. Why? Because only if you are professional in the field that you want to practice then your income and life-level will be high. (为什么进入大学与未来高质量的生活必然划上等号？这里观点过于绝对，且没有展开。过多的篇幅浪费在了不相干的话上). L+
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Not all the teenagers that choose to enroll in a university or college know very well what they want to do with their life so their goals are not too specific. Then, they must be motivated by other reasons. One reason can be just to get out of the small towns or villages that they were born in and to go into a big city with so many opportunities. Imagine what a life (it can be)...new friends from different backgrounds, clubs(这里有歧义,会让人与上一句混淆以为是来自不同club的friends。写成all kinds of clubs来打断就好了), parties, freedom (the parents are not there)(the freedom from parents' goverening ). Maybe you just dream to know other societies (other) than yours (own) ...well, the borders are open now, and you can study in your dream country or society.

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Another reason to attend university is the level of knowledge that your are exposed to. Every day the amount of knowledge is getting bigger (不知道有没有这种搭配), more specific with each level. So many opportunities are open in your face, specialties that you did not know before. Is impossible not to find something that you like...molecular physics, behavior analysis, a philosopher that you agree with, genetic science etc. The environment will take you to the highest level. You just need to choose the field.

Finally, one of the most common reasons to attend a university is the family. It is more probable that, if you come from an intellectual family to attend university. It is a fact that the parental model is very important in the way you choose to live your life. The percentage of teenagers that attend university is much higher in intellectual families than in families where parents do not have degrees. Many persons attend university for the sake of their parents.

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There are many reasons to attend university. I think in these days everybody can attend a university. You can take a loan or you can attend different programs and foundations, or your grades will speak for you and you can win a grant or a bursary. I am sure that there are many persons who regret that they had not attended a university, but none to regret that have a degree.

总的来说，猫的这篇逻辑还是比较清楚的，基本讲清了想要说的话。
不过文章给出了4个论点，其中第4个（受家庭影响而读大学）与前几个关系不大，所以我觉得可以省去，把更多精力放在前文比较好。
猫的文章有2个突出问题。
1是文中的语言并没有很好的组织，这就显得前后的逻辑关系含糊不清，并且不够优美。其实简单的复句结构，甚至几个联结词就能改善状况
2是篇幅安排不合理。一定要注意首句要能概括整段的的内容。论述时不要过多讨论无关的事情。
大家一起加油吧！！

oceanmasterUID：2594404

To lliisa

9 w1 P  j3 ?+ Y( Z University is no longer a fresh word to people nowadays.(这是中文思路吗？为什么不换一种更适合外国人的说法呐？笑~~A hundred has passed ever since the appearence of the firse modern university.) Since the beginning of this century(我来鸡蛋里挑骨头了，本世纪初是指2000年吗？结合我上一句的修改，这里可以是Since then ), more and more youngster choose to enter university after they have completed the study in high school rather than to join the army or become a apprentice.(个人意见，其实可以不必提参军等事) Different people (they删) have different reasons to make such (kind a删) choice, like new experiences or increased knowledge. As far as I am concerned, I choose to go to university is to prepare for my career.. N/ W% N4 C$ E+ X8 P 0 V1 E0 N/ W5 I" {! `7 h8 J Firstly, study in a university, most of us have to live in a different city from our parents and thus we must learn how to live independently(这句话似乎不很通顺). When I began my collage life, I could nearly do nothing without my parents. I donot how to get rid of  the stain on my white T-shirt which I've washed again and again and which mum could deal with it easily. I donot know how to clean the windows in my dorm as mum does in my house. However, I never gave up and I would ask my parents for help on the phone. Now, I have been the best "cleaner" in my dorm. Besides, after learning in this two years, I have picked up the skill how to bargain when on business. ; T. z- M4 B% Z5 O (这一段看得出来你是很用心在写，也有很多出彩的细节。然而，这一段的问题是致命的，他偏离了文章的主题。文章的目的是解释人们、或至少你去上大学的原因。而这一端却重在叙述你在大学中变得独立的经历。或许，你想表达变得独立就是你上大学的目的，但是那也应该有相应的语言来加以说明。) Another important skill we can learn during our collage life is communication skill, which is one of the key factors for our success. When first come to the school, we try to know how to communicate with our roommates, who may have the opposite characteristic with us and get along well with them. After that, we learn how to communicate with our professors and classmates during a discussion in classes. Some students may join some unions, it offers more opportunities for them to obtain the ability to express himself and communicate with others. （不错不错，这段写得很流畅，如果再稍加一点细节就更好了。 但是还是那个问题，你还是在说上了大学之后的收获。事实上，不上大学走入社会更可以锻炼沟通交际的能力。你必须抓住什么是大学所特有的！！）% B7 U( Z( T+ q- T( ^* F0 \ 4 V; p: M1 ~$ b! u) W Most people claim that the most important thing during university is to study hard. I oppose it because I believe that learn how to study is more important. Frankly speaking, many people will not devote to the profession they are majored in now. However, if they have developed a good habit to learn knowledge they could learn anything well after graduation.8 G7 R5 a8 H$ F4 A （同样的问题） All in all, people who choose to enter university all have their hopes: to prepare for their social life sufficiently. At the same time, present university generally provides such an environment for people to achieve such goals. Therefore, when we see more and more fresh smiles on the campus of universities, let us just wish them a promising future. 总结，总的来说，llii的优势很明显，这就是语言生动多变、细节丰富，表达很流畅。 但是缺点要注意： 1 你表达的时候惯用中文思路再翻译成英语，这未免有不协调之感。 建议你多积累一些原始说法，用英语的方式思考、说话。 2 在这篇文章中表现得很明显，你要抓住题目的关键。题目说的是为什么要上大学，那你就要抓住是什么让大学与众不同的，而不仅仅是自己在大学里的心得体会。否则，就浪费了你的语言和心血了~~ 期待你的下一篇文章阿，:P