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[活动] 2009 进军美利坚作文组 wondersmiths2第六次作业 8.22 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-8-22 13:05:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
高分写作120  integrated writing practice 1

The lecture mainly talks about the causes of Anasazi's disappearance. Thus, the lecture totally disagree with the points stated in the passage.

Firstly, the speaker thinks that Anasazi wasn't affected by the global warming because of the evidence that the trees didn't die at that time. In contrast, the passage argues that severe droughts happened in the Americas which forced the Anasazi gave up their villages.

Secondly, the speaker points out that the irrigation systems means Anasazi possessed water management skills and good water store systems since the systems had existed near two hundreds years, contradicting what are stated in the reading passage that the drought was so overwhelming that the irrigation systems cannot guarantee the Anasazi enough water.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the disappearance of Anasazi maybe results from the attacks of other tribes, diseases or abuse of farmland.  So the evidences in the passage cannot support the opinion that the cause of the disappearance of Anasazi is simply the summer drought.

In conclusion, the reading passage is totally refuted by the lecture and the lecture is strongly against the points in the reading passage.
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发表于 2009-8-23 09:04:56 |只看该作者
The lecture mainly talks about the causes of Anasazi's disappearance. Thus, (前后两句没有因果吧,如果第一句改成:the lecture presents some different evidence and argumentation about the disappearance of Anasazi. Thus...)the lecture totally disagree with the points stated in the passage.

Firstly, the speaker thinks that Anasazi wasn't affected by the global warming because of the evidence that the trees didn't die at that time. In contrast, the passage argues that severe droughts happened in the Americas which forced the Anasazi gave up their villages. 没有这点,刚看了文本证实了一下。

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Secondly, the speaker points out that the irrigation systems means Anasazi possessed water management skills and good water store (storage)systems since the systems had existed near two hundreds years(没有提到这个原因), contradicting what are stated in the reading passage that the drought was so overwhelming that the irrigation systems cannot guarantee the Anasazi enough water.漏了一个store food 的点。 ' f! ?+ Q' }6 z

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Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the disappearance of Anasazi maybe results from the attacks of other tribes, diseases or abuse of farmland.  So the evidences(evidence不可数,切记不要用复数) in the passage cannot support the opinion that the cause of the disappearance of Anasazi is simply the summer drought.

In conclusion, the reading passage is totally refuted by the lecture and the lecture is strongly against the points in the reading passage. (不建议最后一段纯套话,要写就还是要带上内容. )

1.努力把要点听清、听全,不要混了。
2.喜欢你简洁的风格,但要在简洁的基础上把话说到位,感觉有的话没有说到位,如第一点,如果去掉听错的那句,就只有一句话了,就可以稍微展开一点。

ps,我是第一次写综合,观点不对请指出。
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发表于 2009-8-23 09:16:53 |只看该作者
高分写作120  integrated writing practice 15 b1 m3 n! E8 H+ V

The lecture mainly talks about the causes of Anasazi's disappearance. Thus(改为however), the lecture totally disagree with the points stated in the passage.

Firstly, the speaker thinks that Anasazi wasn't affected by the global warming because of the evidence that the trees didn't die at that time.(加上trees have survived for more than one thousand) In contrast, the passage argues that severe droughts happened in the Americas which forced the Anasazi gave up their villages.

Secondly, the speaker points out that the irrigation systems means Anasazi possessed water management skills and good water store systems since the systems had existed near two hundreds years(额,后面好像缺了the Anasazi were aware of the water shortage and learned to irrigate crops and store food to resist the drought years), contradicting what are stated in the reading passage that the drought was so overwhelming that the irrigation systems cannot guarantee the Anasazi enough water.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the disappearance of Anasazi maybe results from the attacks of other tribes, diseases or abuse of farmland.(被土地的滥用袭击,不太确切,在前面单独加个动词)  So the evidences in the passage cannot support the opinion that the cause of the disappearance of Anasazi is simply the summer drought.很好; b" V/ d: H2 ~

In conclusion, the reading passage is totally refuted by the lecture and the lecture is strongly against the points in the reading passage.这个结尾是不是淡薄啦

赫赫,我也是第一次写综合写作,没用模版,刚才看了下网上, 结尾可以笼统的概括一下,赫赫,写的很简练,希望在关键部位细节上再扩充一下

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RE: 2009 进军美利坚作文组 wondersmiths2第六次作业 8.22 [修改]
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2009 进军美利坚作文组 wondersmiths2第六次作业 8.22
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