ARGUMENT37，求拍砖，谢谢，有拍必回

peterboyUID: 2638100

TOPIC: ARGUMENT37 - Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.
WORDS: 488
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009/8/24 15:54:52 Peter

By citing the evidence that the particular distinctive patterned woven baskets were found in Lithos where is a river away from Palea, a place used to be considered the only place to have this woven basket, along with other relevant evidences showing it is not Paleans who took the basket to Lithos, the arguer draws the conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea. This argument is filled with some logical fallacies and it is unconvincing.


To begin with, the arguer commits a fallacy which equals present situation to the previous time's. It is said in the argument that the Brim River, connecting Palea with Lithos, is now too deep and broad for Paleans to cross. But it might not be the same at that time. It is highly possible that the earth moved a lot during such a long time. This now existed river might be a plain road which people can walk across without striking a blowing. It is the same fault as to the illustration that Palea woods are full of nuts, berries and small game. Maybe there was no wood at that time and the wood's formation due to a farmer's cultivation just several years ago or a bird’s accidentally seeding when flying by. Even if the fruitful wood existed early that time, conclusion is still open to doubt as other reasons for crossing the river are not excluded like trade goods, develop friendship etc…Without ruling out such possibilities, the conclusion is unwarranted.


Furthermore, given the conditions are all the same from the previous time till now, this conclusion is also unreliable. The arguer claims no evidence was found that Palea had boats and boats capable of carrying people and cargo were developed thousands of years later. First, having no evidence does not mean that there is really no boat. Maybe boats in informal form had been created and the wrecks were all rotten and became mud. Second, granting that there were indeed no boats, but it does mean Paleans had no other ways to cross the river. There is high chance that they crossed the river by a large, round log or some large fruit like pumpkins. Even though there were no such materials for them to cross the river, another possible ways like people other than Palea's or Lithos's got the basket and than gave it to the Lithos's for they have other ways to reach Litho other than crossing the river. Given all explanations above inexistent, the chance that this basket was dropped in the river and carried by current to Litho is also reasonable.


To put it in a nutshell, the argument is unwarranted as it stands. To better convince us, the arguer should provide more specific evidence showing there are indeed no other reasons for the basket to transmit from Palea to Litho. Only this condition being satisfied, the argument will not be a convincing one.

peterboyUID: 2638100

DING

peterboyUID: 2638100

顶

xueyiUID: 2647060

我要给你改，呵呵，现在就动手了，12点左右发出来

xueyiUID: 2647060

TOPIC: ARGUMENT37 - Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats. And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.WORDS: 488TIME: 00:30:00DATE: 2009/8/24 15:54:52 Peter



By citing the evidence that the particular distinctive patterned woven baskets were found in Lithos where there is a river away from Palea, a place used to be considered the only place to have this woven basket, along with other relevant evidences showing it is not Paleans who took the basket to Lithos, （句子太长了，一口气喘不过来）the arguer draws the conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea. This argument is filled with some logical fallacies and it is unconvincing.(这不是万恶的模板句吗，看到就不爽)

我不是很清楚阿狗的开头要怎么写才漂亮，但无疑这样的一个开头是不怎么巧妙的。


To begin with, the arguer commits a fallacy（去掉这几个模板词吧） which equals present situation to the previous time's. It is said in the argument that the Brim River, connecting Palea with Lithos, is now too deep and broad for Paleans to cross. But it might not be the same at that time. It is highly possible that the earth moved a lot during such a long time. （这句话显得有点古怪啊，想表达的是地球移动吗？可以说的再科学一点。）This now existed（existing） river might be a plain road which people can walk across without striking a blowing(这个词不是为……而战的意思吗？). 河流的水文特征可能发生了改变。这样的想法不错。但就是说的太单薄了，可以再描述的细一点。It is the same fault （the same fault是什么fault?无疑这又是另一个可恶的模板词。）as to the illustration that Palea woods are full of nuts, berries and small game. Maybe there was no wood at that time and the wood's formation due to a farmer's cultivation（farmer种wood吗？wood在这里明显指的是树林。这一点批驳的不好。） just several years ago or a bird’s accidentally seeding when flying by（恩恩，这样的理由过于强大……）. 这一点和河流合并着写就要去掉the same fault这一句，不然就显得繁琐，而且失去新意。Even if the fruitful wood existed early that time, conclusion is still open to doubt as other reasons for crossing the river are not excluded like trade goods, develop friendship etc（我认为这个词在AW中最好不要用，显得不正式。不知道对不对……）even if后面的这几个理由跟前面的论述极为不搭，不如删掉，在后面另起一段写并详细论述…Without ruling out such possibilities, the conclusion is unwarranted.（这样的句子用在总结段中才是最好的吧，不然看到这句话就让人觉得你已经论述结束了）
前面关于河流的理由写的不错，但自出来even if后就感觉你已经做了一个微观的小结，向rater宣告：我这一段都可以自成一篇。

Furthermore, given the conditions are all the same from the previous time till now（大家都知道这是不可能的……所以这句话说出来之后会让人觉得很好笑，你必须把它阐述的有说服力）, this conclusion is also unreliable. The arguer claims no evidence was found that Palea had boats and boats capable of carrying people and cargo were developed thousands of years later（这一句里面主语换了几个？）. First, having no evidence does not mean that there is really no boat（换个说法吧，不然有点像强词夺理。你的理由都是好理由，但是都被蹩脚的阐述了）. Maybe boats in informal form had been created and the wrecks were all rotten and became mud（例子和语言都漂亮！赞一个）. Second, granting that there were indeed no boats, but it does mean Paleans had no other ways to cross the river. There is high chance that they crossed the river by a large, round log（再赞，真漂亮！）or some large fruit like pumpkins（这句话在pumpkin出来之后成为一个笑点，至少我无法想象能载人的南瓜。或许你需要描述的更详细一点，这个南瓜要怎么用才能当渡船捏？）. Even though there were no such materials for them to cross the river, another possible ways like people other than Palea's or Lithos's got the basket and than gave it to the Lithos's for they have other ways to reach Litho other than crossing the river（到底是什么other way?不说出来大家是不知道的。这样就没有说服力，就没有develop）. Given all explanations above inexistent, the chance that this basket was dropped in the river and carried by current to Litho is also reasonable.（又一个强大的理由……）
本段连让三步，但第三个让步实在是太imaginative.窃以为first和second还是相当精彩的。

To put it in a nutshell（头一次见这种用法，学习了。但这是句俚语，不适合用在AW中）, the argument is unwarranted as it stands. To better convince us, the arguer should provide more specific evidence showing there are indeed no other reasons for the basket to transmit from Palea to Litho. Only this condition being satisfied, the argument will not be a convincing one（sigh~全是模板句子）.

最后：楼主的语言功底很不错，句子写的很漂亮。

拍的猛了点，请楼主海涵。欢迎回拍报仇。恩~~~只是我还没贴作文~~~

peterboyUID: 2638100

谢谢啊

等你贴上来我来改啊

xueyiUID: 2647060

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 488
TIME: 00:41:22
DATE: 2009-8-24 11:17:08

It can not guarantee that a professor who take part in professions work while spending time in the academic field will provide a better instruction to college students, though it may be helpful to work outside the acdemic world. The best way to improve the quality of instruction in the college, however, is to ensure that faculty are experienced,patient and enthusiastic when a student are confused.

A working professor is benefical for students to some extent. By getting a job in professions relevant to the courses they teach, faculty certainly can gain some practical experience, knowing both which kind of knowledge are most important when students are working and which courses students should take in order to work in a particular field. Also, professors could help introduce their students to employers if they are admired for their great work, thus give students a hand when they are hunting jobs. On the other hand, if professors are always exposed to the only acdemic world, they would not know what are happening in today's rapdily-changing world, neither they would not know whether their teaching content are out of date, and then caused a negative effect to their students for they are not given the latest information.

However, a good-qualatied instruction are not guaranteed by taking a job in the pratical world. Time and energy are both limited, if professor spent too much time on working, they would not pay enough attention to their students. They may not care about what their students are needing, desiring and dreaming of. Thinking about their job, professors may got a hasty conlusion about what courses a student should take, yet those courses may be useless to the student's interest or particular need. Those not well-considered instruction would be really harmful to a young man who do not really know what future will be. What's more, a bad intruction may totally ruin a student's faith to the faculty, and then the student would just do what he preferred, which might have potential and succesive drastic influences.

So, in order to improve the instruction's quality, faculty are required to be familiar with students' needs, thought and dreams, as well as be enthusiastic and patient. Knowing what college students are needing, thinking and dreaming of, combining with adults' experiences,instructions given by faculty would be really insightful and helpful, and could be more easily accepted and welcomed by students. Being enthusiastic and patient, faculty could inquire a student who is seeking instruction carefully, and then analyze the sitution togeter with the student. As a result, the instruction given would certainly have a better quality. Other qualities, such as responsibilty would help produce a good instruction, too.

In sum, what a good instruction need is personal qualities such as patience, enthusiasm, and responsibility of a faculty, not just acdemic knowledge and practical experience. And, faculty must be trained in a specific way to ensure a qualified instruction.
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恩恩，在这了
6# peterboy

peterboyUID: 2638100

It can not guarantee that a professor who take(单复数问题，低级错误) part in professions（professional） work while spending time in(on) the academic field will provide a better instruction to college students, though it may be helpful to work outside the academic(academic) world. The best way to improve the quality of instruction in the college, however, is to ensure that faculty are experienced,patient and enthusiastic when a student are(又是单复数，汗) confused.

(最好有个连接词)A working professor is benefical（beneficial） for students to some extent. By getting a job in professions relevant to the courses they teach, faculty certainly can（can certainly） gain some practical experience, knowing both which kind of knowledge are(is…) (the)most important when students are working and which courses students should take in order to work in a particular field. Also, professors could help introduce their students to employers if they(指代不明) are admired for their great work, thus giving students a hand when they are hunting(为什么是现在进行时？) jobs. On the other hand, if professors are always exposed to the only acdemic（同样的拼写错误） world, they would not know what are （is）happening in today's rapdily（rapidly）-changing world, neither they would not know whether their teaching content are out of date(neither would they know… nor whether their teaching…), and then caused(causing 或者 which causes) a negative effect to(on) their(their用得太多了。。。删了) students for they（指代还是不明..） are not given the latest information.

However, a good-qualatied(well-qualified) instruction are(单复数) not guaranteed by taking a job in the pratical（practical） world. Time and energy are both limited, if professor（s） spend too much time on working, they would not pay enough attention to their students. They may not care about what their students are needing(what they really need, desire or dream of)), desiring and dreaming of. Thinking about their job, professors may got(get) a hasty conlusion(conclusion) about what courses a student should take, yet those courses may be useless to the student's interest or particular need. Those not well-considered(ill-considered) instruction would be really harmful to a young man who do not really know what future will be. What's more, a bad intruction(instruction) may totally ruin a student's faith to the faculty, and then the student would just do what he(or she) preferred(prefers), which might have potential and succesive(successive) drastic influences.

So(很多比so好多了的词干吗不用？consequently, accordingly. hence, as a result), in order to improve the instruction's去掉 quality, faculty are required to be familiar with students' needs, thought（s） and dreams, as well as be enthusiastic and patient. Knowing what college students are needing, thinking and dreaming of(和之前相同毛病), combining（combine和know并列？） with adults' experiences, instructions（instructions来做know 和 combine 的动作？） given by faculty would be really insightful and helpful, and could be more easily accepted and welcomed by students. Being enthusiastic and patient, faculty could inquire a student who is seeking（干嘛老是进行时？） instruction carefully, and then analyze the sitution拼写错误啊 togeter一个接一个 with the student. As a result, the instruction given would certainly have a better quality. Other qualities, such as responsibilty（还是拼错） would help produce a good instruction, too.

In sum, what a good instruction need is personal qualities such as patience, enthusiasm, and responsibility of a faculty, not just acdemic（错！） knowledge and practical experience. And, faculty must be trained in a specific way to ensure a qualified instruction.

首先，要避免拼写错误，这篇文章拼写错误至少20+了，阅卷人看了肯定心里不爽；
其次，语言的多样性不够，感觉整篇文章就是一种方式写下来的，单调乏味，可能跟语法错误较多也有关系。。。
最后，文章内容不够饱满充实，没有具体的例子而一直是抽象的if a professor … a student … 显然不能以理服人

建议还是先看看范文吧，还有就是搞定那些单复数和简单单词的拼写

xueyiUID: 2647060

哈哈，多谢了，我自己都不愿意看自己写完的，真是辛苦你了！！！ 8# peterboy