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[i习作temp] ISSUE94 谁可以帮忙看下??快考试了,急! [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-8-25 11:38:43 |显示全部楼层

ISSUE 94

Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.


主体部分提纲:1 日益复杂的社会需要通才,所以要学习其他课程来补充知识体系和思维体系

             2 其他的课程学好了,可以帮助主课

             3 因为精力和时间有限,也不能一味追求其他课程而忽视主课,要平衡



In this rapidly changing society, students need to acquire various knowledge and skills to deal with social problems and daily life. It is necessary for students in universities to take several courses outside their field of study to assimilate different information and form integrated ideas. The skills and knowledge students learn from other courses can also facilitate their study in major subjects. Nevertheless, major should not be ignored and students need to strike a balance between the major courses and other subjects.

To begin with, the increasing complicated society calls for excellent elites with insightful views and comprehensive thinking. Different courses emphasize the development of different abilities and talents, and universities should encourage students to try courses outside their field so as to cultivate students who can live up to the standard of todays society. One obvious merit of studying courses outside students own fields is that they can absorb a variety of knowledge that is different from their major courses. A music student has a chance to learn archeology, and a science student can have a close contact with literature. Knowledge from different fields not only rich their brain but also satisfy their interests. Besides, different courses require distinct modes of thinking. For example, a science student may be good at logical thinking while a student who majors in history probably excels in reasoning ability. By studying only major courses, students thinking methods may be confined to certain ways, but through studying other courses outside their fields, they can complete their thinking system.


Secondly, the dividing lines between different disciplines are very fine indeed, and the knowledge and skills of many subjects are overlapped. Therefore, the mastery of other courses outside the students fields can facilitate students learning in their major courses. For example, economic students should take some math courses in order to better understand the economic models. They also need to have some knowledge of laws, since their future behaviors of investing, stocking or accounting must be under the control of laws. It is even better if economic students can learn some psychological courses, which can help them further comprehend individuals economic behaviors such as saving and investing. Many disciplines are mutually dependent and thus one needs to learn some knowledge beyond their own fields in order to study their major courses more effectively and efficiently.

While it is really beneficial to study courses outside students own fields, one needs to strike a balance between major courses and others since ones time and energy are limited. It should be recognized that students main task is to study their major courses well, and their future career are directly associated with their majors in universities. Therefore the major courses should take precedence over other courses outside their fields. Too much attention on other courses may distract students from their main task and do harm the students study. For example, if a student fails to pass the examination of major courses because he or she has spent most of the time studying courses irrelevant to majors, how can we say the student is successful? Some people may argue that the accomplishment in other courses outside the students fields can also represent the ability of students. While it is tempting to agree with this assertion, it should not be ignored that in modern universities, students are expected to delve into some subjects and to be specialists in certain realms. The general understanding of other courses is far from the goal of education. The courses outside their fields serve as complement to their system of knowledge, rather than the main part.

In conclusion, it benefits students from many aspects to learn some knowledge and thinking modes from other courses outside their own fields. Universities should require students to take a variety of courses but at the same time, both university and students themselves must be aware that the major courses should take precedence over other courses.

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发表于 2009-8-28 21:11:12 |显示全部楼层
哒~~为什么没人理我 T T

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发表于 2009-8-28 22:01:00 |显示全部楼层
In this rapidly changing society, studentsneed to acquire various knowledge【感觉various fields of knowledge会好些】 andskills to deal with social problems and daily lifedeal with daily life个人感觉不对劲……】. It is necessary for students in universities to takeseveral courses outside their field of study to assimilate differentinformation and form integrated ideas. The skills and knowledge students learnfrom other courses can also facilitate their study in major subjects.【这两句可以并成一句,并且其实第一句就说明了多学其他知识是对的,这两句都是第一句的原因,完全可以再简练些】 Nevertheless, major should not be ignored and students need to strikea balance between the major courses and other subjects.

To begin with, the increasing complicatedsociety calls for excellent elites【语义略重叠】 with insightful views and comprehensive thinking. Different coursesemphasize the development of different abilities and talents, and universitiesshould encourage students to try courses outside their field so as to cultivatestudents who can live up to the standard of today’s society. One obvious meritof studying courses outside students’ own fields is that they can absorb avariety of knowledge that is different from theirmajor courses【可删】. A music student has a chance tolearn archeology, and a science student can have a close contact withliterature. Knowledge from different fields not only rich their brain but alsosatisfy their interests. Besides, different courses require distinct modes ofthinking. For example, a science student may be good at logical thinking whilea student who majors in history probably excels in reasoning ability. Bystudying only major courses, students’ thinking methods may be confined tocertain ways, but through studying other courses outside their fields, they cancomplete their thinking system.【段落结构挺好,值得学习~


Secondly, the dividing lines【用boundary稍微正式点】 between different disciplines are very fine【是取fine的“细的”之意吗?会产生误解,可以换成obscure之类的词吧】 indeed, and the knowledge and skills of many subjects areoverlapped. Therefore, the mastery of other courses outside the students’fields can facilitate students’ learning in their major courses. For example,economic students should take some math courses in order to better understandthe economic models. They also need to have some knowledge of laws, since theirfuture behaviors of investing, stocking or accounting must be under the controlof laws. It is even better if economic students can learn some psychologicalcourses, which can help them further comprehend individuals’ economic behaviorssuch as saving and investing. Many disciplines are mutually dependent【没见过dependent单独做表语的一般都有on sth跟着】and thusone needs to learn some knowledge beyond their own fields in order to studytheir major courses more effectively and efficiently【虽然语义有细微差别,但还是略显累赘】.

While【个人感觉有点别扭,while表转折暗含对比的意思,这里是不是用个even if之类的更好。不确定仅供参考。】 it is really beneficial to study courses outside students’ ownfields, one needs to strike a balance between major courses and others sinceone’s time and energy are limited. It should berecognized that students’ main task is to study their major courseswell, and their future career are directly associated with their majors inuniversities. Therefore the major coursesshould take precedence over other courses outside their fields. Too muchattention on other courses may distract students from their main task and doharm the student’s study. For example, if astudent fails to pass the examination of major courses because he or she hasspent most of the time studying courses irrelevant to majors, how can we saythe student is successful? Some people may arguethat the accomplishment in other courses outside the students’ fieldscan also represent the ability of students. While【同上】 it is tempting to agree with this assertion, it should not beignored that in modern universities, students are expected to delve into some subjects【读起来有少许歧义,没有in a certain field的意思】 and tobe specialists in certain realms. The general understanding of other courses isfar from the goal of education. The courses outside their fields 【此处可以加上should/ought to serve ascomplement to their system of knowledge, rather than the main part.【这段蓝笔画出的结构很好看,中间有个让步,感觉考虑得比较全面。】

In conclusion, it benefits students frommany aspects to learn some knowledge and thinking modes from other coursesoutside their own fields. Universities should require students to take avariety of courses but at the same time, both university and studentsthemselves must be aware that the major courses should take precedence overother courses.

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发表于 2009-8-28 22:09:15 |显示全部楼层
咕~~(╯﹏╰)b
汗,为什么我辛辛苦苦画出来的颜色都不见了……
555……谁来帮帮我……

嗯,话说我也快考试了,水平很一般。改得不好,我的建议lz就参考下用吧。。。

整体评价:
语言上,优点是有很多地道的动词短语,很少be动词,差不多都是高级动词,我学了不少;缺点是全文都有点累赘,个别词汇重复使用;还有就是有些搭配稍微有点不自然……这一点我也不是native只是个人感觉,仅供参考哈……
结构是最大的亮点,尤其是段落展开,值得我学习。

修改建议:
除了提到的全文可以删减得更简洁一些之外,还有就是,我觉得可以在开头和结尾上多下点功夫,做漂亮点。现在的开头结尾就是全文段落中心句的重复性捏合,估计判卷人读着会觉得累吧……

嗯,就这些。bless lz~

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发表于 2009-8-30 16:33:23 |显示全部楼层
4# WLaNa


太谢谢你了~其实我也感觉自己写东西有点罗嗦,呵呵,我会改改的。也谢谢你的祝福~Good luck for your exam!

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发表于 2009-8-31 14:02:42 |显示全部楼层
the dividing line between... ...is very fine indeed 这句话是我从外国人的一篇文章当中看到的,以为很地道,所以就很喜欢用,会有歧义吗??
fine 这里是细微难察的意思

有木有人回答我一下??

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RE: ISSUE94 谁可以帮忙看下??快考试了,急! [修改]

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