Issue136 必回拍

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Issue136  第10篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：Francine     共用时间：47分47秒     617 words
从2005年7月9日8时40分到2005年7月9日9时47分
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The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.
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When we are born, we have no right to choose our parents, no possibility to choose the nationally, no chance to choose our facial expression and nobody could escape from death. In my opinion, objected the author's assertions, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is not absolutely rare. On the other hand, there are quite an amount of people who are always facing the problem of the absence of choice.

As the threshold matter, the circumstances of absence of choices are as many as the circumstances of choices. As mentioned above, we could not choose the birth and the death for ourselves, involving which nationality I was, and the level of the intelligence, and the physical situations of our health. According to the survey in the UN report, there are more than 1 million children around the world suffering the Mongolian idiocy which is a disease accompanied with the birth, and more than half a million children suffering Daltonism which is another disease that once people suffering ,they can not judge between the red and green. Further, more children are born without wholesome body. Out of question, nobody do not like to be health once they are born, while some part of the people do not have the right to choose health for themselves. Thus, the circumstances of absence of choices are accompanying with our life.

Secondly, the absence of choice could be turned in choices. Although, the absence of choices actually exists in our life, people could create the choices for themselves by continuously efforts which benefits from the education and thinking. Education teaches us how to face choices correctly. In the first lesson we took, we are required to learn to choose the goodness from the wackiness, distinguish the beauty and ugly, behavior in a good manner rather than a bad one. When we grow elder, we are asked to choose the major we are interested in and willing to devote all our energy, and what kind of person we would like to be. As education provides us a proper values system for us, we could easily make a right choice for our growth. Moreover, education pays much attention to teach us how to create choices when we are facing the absence of choice. We are told to be persistency, possession of courage and knowledge in order that when we felt no way to go, we still have the hope to live better. People who are not satisfied with their facial expression are capable of using an artificial way to alter. People who are suffering the disease once they are born are taught to be courage enough to believe that they can still live a happy life. Education provides, physically and spiritually the chance for us to create the absence of the choices.

After the growth of civilization over two thousands years, we can easily discover that people are always keeping thinking. Possible answer to this question is that people keeps thinking in case the appearances of the absence of choices. When we are over exploring the natural resources, we often asked that once the resources on the earth are distinction, how could the people on earth to live. We keep thinking and thinking. We began to explore other new resources on the other land. American has promised that people can live in the Mars twenty years later. All these are the results of the fruit of the people's thinking. Thus, only by continuously thinking we could escape the absence of choice.

Generally speaking, the absence of choice are around us, not as the author asserted that it is very rare. But, people could change the circumstances by education and continuously efforts.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-9 at 23:44 ]

foreveraUID：202035

When we are born, we have no right to choose our parents, no possibility to choose the nationallynationality, no chance to choose our facial expressionfeatures and nobody could escape from death. In my opinion, objected the author's assertions, the absence of choice is a circumstance that is not absolutely rare. On the other hand这个连接用的不好,这里并没有转折的意思应该用顺承连词, there are quite an amount of people who are always facing the problem of the absence of choice.开头的一段排比用的很不错
As the threshold matter什么意思没看懂,语法也有问题,应该是matters, the circumstances of absence of choices are as many as the circumstances those of choices. As mentioned above, we could not choose the birth and the death for去掉更简洁一点 ourselves, involving which nationality I was, and the level of the intelligence, and the physical situations of our health这个2个很大程度上和后天的影响关系也很大吧,也可以choose的. According to the survey in the UN report, there are more than 1 million children around the world suffering the Mongolian idiocy which is a disease accompanied with the birth, and more than half a million children suffering Daltonism which is another disease that once people suffering ,they can not judge between the red and green. 对例子应该加点分析总结Further, more children are born without wholesome body. Out of questionwithout doubt, nobody do not like to be health once they are born, while some part of the people do not have the right to choose health for themselves. Thus, the circumstances of absence of choices are accompanying with our life.例子举的不错,不过例子前后紧挨的论证应该和例子结合的更紧一点.

Secondly, the absence of choice could be turned in choices.又没看明白-_- Although, the absence of choices actually exists in our life, people could create the choices for themselves by continuously efforts which benefits from the education and thinking这句有点别扭,which指代的是什么,还有benefit from也好象有点问题. Education teaches us how to face choices correctly. In the first lesson we took, we are required to learn to choose the goodness from the wackiness wickedness, distinguish the beauty and ugly词性不统一, behavior词性!!! in a good manner rather than a bad one. When we grow elder, we are asked to choose the major we are interested in and willing to devote all our energy to, and what kind of person we would like to be. As education provides us a proper values system for us多余的, we could easily make a right choice for our growth. 前面这些和本段主题好象没有什么必然的联系Moreover, education pays much attention to teach us how to create choices when we are facing the absence of choice. We are told to be persistency词性!!!后面这句话也是同样问题, possession of courage and knowledge in order that when we felt no way to go, we still have the hope to live better. People who are not satisfied with their facial expression are capable of using an artificial way to alter. People who are suffering the disease once they are born are taught to be courage enough to believe that they can still live a happy life. Education provides, physically and spiritually the chance for us to create the absence of the choices.这一段问题比较大,首先开头不能用2ndly,因为这段意思和上段有转折的意思,2ndly是并列关系.还有比较严重的词性把握不清的问题.最后一点,这一段前半部分与主题有些偏离,会有赘余的感觉.希望再仔细改一改
After the growthdevelopment of civilization over two thousands years, we can easily discover that people are always keeping thinking. TS最好在段首鲜明的提出Possible answer to this question is that people keeps thinking in case 缺少连词,而且这句话也不是太通the appearances of the absence of choices. When we are over exploring the natural resources, we often asked that once the resources on the earth are distinction词性, how could the people on earth to语法错误,去掉to live. We keep thinking and thinking. We began to explore other new resources on the other land. American has promised that people can live in the Mars twenty years later. All these are the results of the fruit of the people's thinking. Thus, only by continuously thinking we could escape the absence of choice.这一段的内容和choice的联系有点牵强

Generally speaking, the absence of choice are around us, not as the author asserted that it is very rare. But, people could change the circumstances by education and continuously efforts.结尾还可以.


强烈建议下笔的时候注意一下所用词的词性...
HOHO拍狠了....MM表怪俺哦
俺的136  https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=315427

[ Last edited by forevera on 2005-8-10 at 03:24 ]