issue147希望大家进入 批评指导 感激！！！

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

第二次考g了 再把原来的作文修改修改，更新原文。希望大家参与，批评！


现在练的作文，时间用的多不说，质量也不好，希望大狭们 多多帮助，小的将感激不尽！

非常感谢大家的批评指导，我会不断修改，更新
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题目
147. "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
  504 words
正文
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As people in the world become more and more harmonious, various cultures in many places are rushing in, which can be exactly discribed as--"modernization". As a result, some traditions are supplanted by modernization. Whether tradition and modernization can coexist or one must choose between them becomes a hot topic. In my view, it is a case-by-case thing.

In some realms, tradition cannot coexist with modernization. First of all, the obvious change in fashion certainly accounts for that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Fashion is always changful and covers all the world. In this realm, modernization just occupy every corner and replace tradition. In this era of rapid social and technological change, a variety of entities featured as modernization do occur in every corner of the world. One needs to look no further than apparel to find that it is the case. The people nowadays tend to wear panoply instead of out of date clothes. Vogue apparel is in fact the symbol of not only beauty but also the social and economic status. In this realm, new always supplants the old, which means tradition cannot be compatible with modernization. Additionally, the same relationship between tradition and modernization also happens in the technology field. The most common tool--computer, when it comes out, almost overthrows every technology developed in tradition.

However, in many other realms, tradition and modernization are not deadlock, on the contrary, well compatible. Modernization often developed from tradition.  No matter how much the world changed, language nearly keep the same. Admittedly, nowadays, new fashional words appear from time to time, but the frame of language has never changed. Twenty six letters have never turned into twenty seven, or more. New modern words cannot develope without tradition. And based on the analysis of the traditional language, new words are greatly born. In addition, the elite of tradition never dilutes regardless of how long it has spread. Old sayings never be out of time, also very popular in modern times. Tradition and modernization are also relative in music. Today, it prevails songs fusing modern lyric with traditional melody, or traditioal lyric with modern melody. Having seen those facts, we can conclude tradition and modernization are not incompatible.

Ultimately, the most important thing we should pay attention to, is how tradition and modernization can get along well and in what cases, one should keep the weather. In technology field, the amount of products and profits proveduced by new technique, has showed that modernization brings many benefits to our society. However in the knowledge field, new ideas and new understanding often emerge from reading materials from prehuman experience, which suggest that tradition is also very important and modernization cannot supplant tradition. While in art field, traditional culture never go to an end and modern culture comes forth continuously. They coexist very well. Various relationship between tradition and modernization, exist in different fields and we should treat them diversely.

To sum up, only seeing the imcompatible respect of the relation between tradition and modernization is narrow. We should consider the way to treat them according to the various cases. In some cases, they are just incompatible, and we must choose one and only one between them. However, in some cases, they subsist very well with each other. Even in some cases, one cannot live without the other. The most important thing we should do, is to try our best to treat the relationship between them consummately.

[ 本帖最后由 ChunyanLi2005 于 2006-8-8 22:27 编辑 ]

我的马甲UID: 2177806

现在练的作文，时间用的多不说，质量也不好，希望大狭们 多多帮助，小的将感激不尽！

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
题目
147. "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
  504 words
正文
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As people in the world become more and more harmonious, various cultures你把题目讨论的范畴就限定在文化领域了吗？ in many places are rushing in, which can be exactly discribed as--"modernization". As a result, some traditions are supplanted by modernization. Whether tradition and modernization can coexist or one must choose between them becomes a hot topic. In my view, it is a case-by-case thing.

In some realms, tradition cannot coexist with modernization. First of all, the obvious change in fashion certainly accounts for that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Fashion is always changful and cover all the world. In this realm, modernization just occupy every corner and replace tradition. Just let us pay attention to the clothes, we can easily see that everybody in the street, company or just at home, wears the modern clothes. If somebody wears the traditional ones, other people may think they are crazy or they are actors. In this realm, new always supplants the old, which means tradition cannot be compatible with modernization. Additionally, the same relationship between tradition and modernization also happens in the technology field. The most common tool--computer, when it comes out, almost overthrows every technology developed in tradition. 虽然有的观点不敢苟同，比如时尚，其实在现在很多设计师都在走复古潮流，或者把传统的元素和现代的元素结合起来 ，前几年的唐装就是很好的例子。
但这段的论述没什么好说的，自圆其说就好了。

However, in many realm复数 , tradition and modernization are not deadlock, on the contrary, well compatible. No matter how much the world changed, language never alter completely这里你的语气太绝对了。和后面一结合就感觉有些混乱 . Admittedly, nowadays, new fashional words appear from time to time, but the frame of language has never changed. Twenty six letters have never turned into twenty seven, or more. New modern words cannot develope without tradition. And basing on the analysis of the traditional language, new words are greatly born. 这个例子很好。就是前面加一个分析的句子就更好了，比如很多时候传统和现在共享一种基本元素等 In addition, old sayings never be out of time, also very popular in modern times. Tradition and modernization are also relative in music. Today, it prevails songs fusing modern lyric with traditional melody, or traditioal lyric with modern melody. Having seen those facts, we can conclude tradition and modernization are not incompatible.这段的例子都很好啊，就是缺少一点儿分析，可能就差那么2句话。

Ultimately, the most important thing we should pay attention to, is how tradition and modernization get along well and in what cases, one should keep the weather. In technology field, the amount of products and profits proveduced by new technique, has proofed that we should choose modernization. In the knowledge field, new ideas and new understanding often emerge from reading materials from prehuman experience, which suggest modernization cannot supplant tradition. In art field, traditional culture never stop and modern culture comes forth continuously. They coexist very well. Various relationship between tradition and modernization, exist in different field and we should treat them diversely. TS有些抽象，后面也没有适当分析

To sum up, only seeing the imcompatible respect of the relation between tradition and modernization is narrow. We should consider the way to treat them basing on the case. In some cases, they are just incompatible, and we must choose between them. However, in some cases, they subsist very well with each other. Even in some cases, one cannot live without the other. The most important thing we should do, is to try our best to treat the relationship between them consummately.

展开比上一次感觉有质的飞跃，ENVY 中

issue87 新手VS老手
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

chenxi_1987UID: 2117782

As people in the world become more and more harmonious, various cultures in many places are rushing in, which can be exactly discribed as--"modernization". As a result, some traditions are supplanted by modernization. Whether tradition and modernization can coexist or one must choose between them becomes a hot topic. In my view, it is a case-by-case thing.

In some realms, tradition cannot coexist with modernization. First of all, the obvious change in fashion certainly accounts for that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Fashion is always changful and cover all the world. In this realm, modernization just occupy every corner and replace tradition. Just let us pay attention to the clothes, we can easily see that everybody in the street, company or just at home, wears the modern clothes. If somebody wears the traditional ones, other people may think they are crazy or they are actors. ( 1. changful是什么？ 2.我改一下语言
In this era of rapid social and technological change, a variety of entities featured as modernization do occur in every corner of the world. One needs to look no further than apparel to find that it is the case. The people nowadays tend to wear panoply instead of out of date clothes. Vogue apparel is in fact the symbol of not only beauty but also the social and economic status)
In this realm, new always supplants the old, which means tradition cannot be compatible with modernization. Additionally, the same relationship between tradition and modernization also happens in the technology field. The most common tool--computer, when it comes out, almost overthrows every technology developed in tradition.

However, in many realm,(in many other realms) tradition and modernization are not deadlock(mortal enemy), on the contrary, well compatible. No matter how much the world changed, language never alter completely. Admittedly, nowadays, new fashional (fashionable) words appear from time to time, but the frame of language has never changed. Twenty six letters have never turned into twenty seven, or more. New modern words cannot develope without tradition. And basing (based) on the analysis of the traditional language, new words are greatly born. In addition, old sayings (will) never be out of time, also very popular in modern times. Tradition and modernization are also relative in music. Today, it prevails songs fusing modern lyric with traditional melody, or traditioal lyric with modern melody. Having seen those facts, we can conclude tradition and modernization are not incompatible.

Ultimately, the most important thing we should pay attention to, is how tradition and modernization get along well and in what cases, one should keep the weather.(什么叫keep weather, LZ指点一下)  In technology field, the amount of products and profits proveduced by new technique, has proofed that we should choose modernization. In the knowledge field, new ideas and new understanding often emerge from reading materials from prehuman experience, which suggest modernization cannot supplant tradition. In art field, traditional culture never stop and modern culture comes forth continuously. They coexist very well. Various relationship between tradition and modernization, exist in different field and we should treat them diversely.

To sum up, only seeing the imcompatible respect of the relation between tradition and modernization is narrow. We should consider the way to treat them basing on( in accordance to) the (various) case. In some cases, they are just incompatible, and we must choose (one and only one )between them. However, in some cases, they subsist very well with each other. Even in some cases, one cannot live without the other. The most important thing we should do, is to try our best to treat the relationship between them consummately.

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

我一定好好改，不断地改

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

keep the weather “占上风”是我在金山词霸查的
这个词的确不妥，但是take up the place over行吗
或者你的高见？

taotaoQUID: 2105710

As people in the world become more and more harmonious, various cultures in many places are rushing in, which can be exactly described as--"modernization".（这样定义现代化是否窄了点，科技的进步，观念的改变是最突出的,这样限定与后文不能照应哈） As a result, some traditions are supplanted by modernization. Whether tradition and modernization can coexist or one must choose between them becomes a hot topic. In my view, it is a case-by-case thing.

In some realms, tradition cannot coexist with modernization. First of all, the obvious change in fashion certainly accounts for that tradition and modernization are incompatible. Fashion is always changeful and covers all the world. In this realm, modernization just occupy every corner and replace tradition.（呃~这个例子不敢苟同，传统元素也是时尚的一个元素啊：复古） In this era of rapid social and technological change, a variety of entities featured as modernization do occur in every corner of the world. One needs to look no further than apparel to find that it is the case. The people nowadays tend to wear panoply（也有简约风格的啊，时尚这个东西不好说，过时的也有重新流行的一天，有个性的也算时尚） instead of out of date clothes. Vogue apparel is in fact the symbol of not only beauty but also the social and economic status. In this realm, new always supplants the old（得解释一下社会经济方面咋样的）, which means tradition cannot be compatible with modernization. Additionally, the same relationship between tradition and modernization also happens in the technology field. The most common tool--computer, when it comes out, almost overthrows every technology developed in tradition.

However, in many other realms, tradition and modernization are not deadlock, on the contrary, well compatible. Modernization often developed from tradition.  No matter how much the world changed, language nearly keeps the same. Admittedly, nowadays, new fashionable words appear from time to time, but the frame of language has never changed. Twenty six letters have never turned into twenty seven, or more. New modern words cannot developed without tradition. And based on the analysis of the traditional language, new words are greatly born. In addition, the elite of tradition never dilutes regardless of how long it has spread. Old sayings never are out of time, also very popular in modern times. Tradition and modernization are also relative in music. Today, it prevails(is prevail that) songs fusing modern lyric with traditional melody, or traditional lyric with modern melody. Having seen those facts, we can conclude tradition and modernization are not incompatible.

Ultimately, the most important thing we should pay attention to, is how tradition and modernization can get along well and in what cases, one should keep the weather. In technology field, the amount of products and profits produced by new technique has showed that modernization brings many benefits to our society. However(这不能转折吧，并列的说on the other hand) in the knowledge field, new ideas and new understanding often emerge from reading materials from prehuman(ancient) experience, which suggest that tradition is also very important and modernization cannot supplant tradition. While in art field, traditional culture never go to an end and modern culture comes forth continuously. They coexist very well. Various relationship between tradition and modernization, exist in different fields and we should treat them diversely.

To sum up, only seeing the incompatible respect of the relation between tradition and modernization is narrow. We should consider the way to treat them according to the various cases. In some cases, they are just incompatible, and we must choose one and only one between them. However, in some cases, they subsist very well with each other. Even in some cases, one cannot live without the other.（这句重复，可删掉） The most important thing we should do, is to try our best to treat the relationship between them consummately.（完全处理好他们间的关系？其实前两层意思你已说明，即区别对待，最后一句的总结那个副词没表达好）
整体结构清楚，但段落中的例子与层次处理得不太好
比如B1从文化，社会，经济，科技四个方面来讲，详略不当，后三点基本一句带过，感觉不太平衡，尤其是那个例子太牵强
用词灵活不够
呵呵，批狠了点是不，不好意思哈，共同进步！！！

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

你说的那些 的确是我一直没改了的老毛病

[ 本帖最后由 ChunyanLi2005 于 2006-2-9 11:49 编辑 ]