Argument6 留链互拍

icallUID: 207433

TOPIC:
The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe’s jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is ‘Jazz Nightly,’ which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money.”

WORD:500  TIME: overtime

Merely based on the unwarranted assumptions the author concluded that building a jazz club in Monroe would bring them a lot of profit, to support his view, he points out that the proposed club would be the only one within 65 miles which means they will possess the market all, moreover, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, and a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. However, it suffers several critical flaws as it stands which make it unconvincing.

Being the most obvious flaw, there is no sufficient proof to warrant that Monroe is such a place which jazz is extremely popular. The author overlooks the possibility that people who attending the music festival may come from other parts of the country rather than only from Monroe, which make it a wrong assumption to correlate the popularity with the number of people attended in the jazz festival. In addition, nor does the mere fact that jazz is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe lend significant support to affirm the local favor of music type, since people enjoyed the radio program may only be a small part of the crowd, in that case it make no sense to state that most people in Monroe is a jazz fan. What is more, although the fact that some well known jazz musicians live in Monroe may attract some journalist or jazz fans come to there,  it neither has the relationship with local trend of music favor nor can it bring enough people to Monroe to enjoy the jazz club.

On the other hand, a national wide survey does not certainly reflect the local circumstance. Actually, the statistical data is an average level of all consumers which means in some area people spend a lot on jazz entertainment while in some regions people may only consume a small quantity. Absent with more detailed data of how much the Monroe residents consume on jazz entertainment, the arguer’s assumption that people in Monroe would spend much on jazz entertainment is unjustified. Thus even if jazz is extraordinary popular there, it is possible that the club would not gain much profit because of the less consumption the local people consumed.

Finally, the author falsely assumes that 65 miles away from another jazz club would make local people only consuming in their club. To some extent, it is really a long way to go 65 miles to enjoying a drink or something that can be done nearby, but for those who have cars, it seems not a big problem, especially if the outside club offers better music or drinks which are more attractive. Apparently, this unexpected competition would demolish the assumption of possessing the local market all by them.

To sum up, the arguer fail to establish a causal relationship between the ostensible facts and those assumptions he made. In order to better estimate the potential market of jazz entertainment, intensive and detailed investigation is required.

[ 本帖最后由 icall 于 2006-3-19 15:28 编辑 ]

WeOnUID: 2110447

Merely based on the unwarranted assumptions the author concluded that building a jazz club in Monroe would bring them a lot of profit, to support his view, he points out that the proposed club would be the only one within 65 miles which means they will possess the market all, moreover, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, and a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. However, it suffers several critical flaws as it stands which make it unconvincing.开头没必要写这么长，简单说说论据和结论就可以了

Being the most obvious flaw, there is no sufficient proof to warrant that Monroe is such a place which jazz is extremely popular. The author overlooks the possibility that people who attending attended the music festival may come from other parts of the country rather than only from Monroe, which make it a wrong assumption to correlate the popularity with the number of people attended attending in the jazz festival. In addition, nor does the mere fact that jazz is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe lend significant support to affirm that the local favor of music type, since people enjoyed the radio program may only be a small part of the crowd, in that case it make no sense to state that most people in Monroe is a jazz fan. What is more, although the fact that some well known jazz musicians live in Monroe may attract some journalist or jazz fans come to there,  it neither has the relationship with local trend of music favor nor can it bring enough people to Monroe to enjoy the jazz club.

On the other hand, a national wide survey does not certainly reflect the local circumstance. Actually, the statistical data is an average level of all consumers which means in some area people spend a lot on jazz entertainment while in some regions people may only consume a small quantity. Being Absent with more detailed data of how much the Monroe residents consume on jazz entertainment, the arguer’s assumption that people in Monroe would spend much on jazz entertainment is unjustified. Thus even if jazz is extraordinary popular there, it is possible that the club would not gain much profit because of the less consumption the local people consumed.

Finally, the author falsely assumes that 65 miles away from another jazz club would make local people only consuming consume in their club. To some extent, it is really a long way to go 65 miles to enjoying enjoy a drink or something that can be done nearby, but for those who have cars, it seems not a big problem, especially if the outside club offers better music or drinks which are more attractive. Apparently, this unexpected competition would demolish the assumption of possessing the local market all by them.

To sum up, the arguer fail fails to establish a causal relationship between the ostensible facts and those assumptions he made. In order to better estimate the potential market of jazz entertainment, intensive and detailed investigation is required.

总体来说，结构清晰，逻辑也不错
注意的是开头不用写那么多，有些词句需要雕琢。

我的：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 WeOn 于 2006-3-18 20:42 编辑 ]