Argument53 (米国有米）bailamo27第十次作业

bailamo27UID: 2191717

(2007-1-21)
Argument53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
(13年前，研究者研究了一组在受到不熟悉的刺激比如不寻常的气味和未知声音的录音时表现出轻微紧张的25名婴儿。他们发现这些婴儿比其他婴儿更可能在早秋怀孕，而早秋是他们的母亲分泌的melatonin--一种已知会影响一些大脑功能的荷尔蒙--因日照的减少而增加的季节。在今年早些时候所作的跟踪调查中，这些表现出紧张迹象的儿童--现在已经是十几岁--有一半以上认为自己害羞。显然，出生前melatonin的增加导致婴儿期的羞涩并且这种羞涩将延续至生命更晚的阶段。)

Full text: (time: 19:20—20:30, 543words)
In this argument, the arguer states that a kind of hormone, known as having some affect to brain function, called melatonin has some relation to cause shyness of the infants, and which will last in their later life. However, closely scrutiny, ill-logical reasoning teems with the argument, and makes this argument not convincing at all.

From the very beginning, the arguer asserts that melatonin can influence some brain functions. Firstly, this evidence is too ambiguous. He fails to explicit whether the melatonin’s affection is to the mothers or the infants. If this hormone has affection with the pregnant mothers’ brain, how does it influence the infants to be shy? It is obviously not a convincing evidence. Secondly, there is no any information about functions of melatonin, which really has some links with brain functions. Supposing it is truly that this hormone can do affect brain functions, however, what function does it can a influence? Is this function has something to do with shyness of the infants and can be last in their later life? All of these are called for questions.

Following, talk about the research that studied a group of 25 infants thirteen years ago. To think this study more carefully, there are several false reasoning. To begin with, it is wild known that any child who is new born are afraid of this new environment which is totally different with uterus of their mothers. So any odd and unfamiliar sound, odor or other stimuli can cause natural responses of the babies, which don’t represent that these infants are more sensitive to be shy in later life. Secondly, in the study, the arguer states that these 25 infants were conceived in early autumn, in which season that secrets of melatonin of mothers are more likely related to the change of daylight. Concede that the production of hormone do can be affected by the change of some natural forces, such as the climates, without no supporting evidence showing that decrease of daylight of autumn can increase secret of melatonin in pregnant mothers. And considering from another aspect, every season has changes of daylight, the arguer apparently fails to prove that this kind of change of autumn has some special function to mothers’ production of hormone. Thirdly, it is mentioned in this argument that the follow-up study conducted earlier this year, shows more than half of these children, now teenagers, who have signs that identified as shy. However, the arguer don’t supply any information about the growing environment of these children. We must take into account that different environment can influence them to some extent. Harsh or stressful environment can make a child more easily to become chilly or shy. Finally, from statistics aspect, this research is taken 13years ago, and the objects of study is 25, which is not a real convincing number, and may not really have obviously significant in statistics.

So all in all, this argument is ill-logical and can not make people to believe that the secret of hormone---melatonin has direct relationship with the shape of character of shyness. To be a persuasive argument, the arguer has to provide more convincing evidence, such as, the function
of melatonin, how does it affect the brain of infants and so forth.

[ 本帖最后由 bailamo27 于 2007-1-21 21:06 编辑 ]

ntmlgszUID: 2235666

Fulltext: (time: 19:20—20:30, 543words)
In this argument, the arguer states that a kind ofhormone, known as having some affect [effect] to brain function,called melatonin has some relation to cause shyness of the infants, and whichwill last in their later life. However, closely scrutiny, ill-logical reasoningteems with the argument, and [多余] makesthis argument not convincing at all.
            
From the very beginning, the arguer asserts thatmelatonin can influence some brain functions. Firstly, this evidence is tooambiguous. He fails to explicit whether the melatonin’s affection is to themothers or the infants. If this hormone has affection with the pregnantmothers’ brain, how does it influence the infants to be shy? It is obviouslynot a convincing evidence. Secondly, there is no any information about functions of melatonin, which really has some links withbrain functions.[个人认为这个是题目材料不用攻击]Supposing it is truly that this hormone can do affect brain functions, however,what function does it can a influence?Is this function has something to do with shyness of the infants and can belast in their later life [复数lives]?All of these are called for questions [用动名词形式questioning].
      
Following, [+let’s] talk about the research that studied a group of 25 infantsthirteen years ago. To think this study more carefully, there are several false[+in]reasoning. To begin with, it is wild[widely] known that any child who is new born are afraid of this new environment which is totally differentwith uterus of their mothers.[单复数全部混乱] Soany odd and unfamiliar sound, odor or other stimuli can cause natural responsesof the babies, which don’t[can’t] representthat these infants are more sensitive to be shy in later life. Secondly,in the study, the arguer states that these 25 infants were conceived in earlyautumn, in which season that secrets of melatonin of mothers are more likelyrelated to the change of daylight.[题目不要引述过长，甚至可以省略]Concedethat the production of hormone do can be affected by the change of some naturalforces, such as the climates, without no supporting evidence showing thatdecrease of daylight of autumn can increase secret of melatonin in pregnantmothers. [句子逻辑有问题]And considering from another aspect, every season has changes of daylight, thearguer apparently fails to prove that this kind of change of autumn has somespecial function to mothers’ production of hormone. Thirdly, itis mentioned in this argument that the follow-up study conducted earlier thisyear, shows more than half of these children, now teenagers, who have signsthat identified as shy.[过多引述是个坏毛病] However,the arguer don’t supply any information about the growing environment of thesechildren. We must take into account that different environment can influencethem to some extent. Harsh or stressful environment can make a child moreeasily to become chilly or shy. Finally, from statistics aspect, this researchis taken 13years ago, and the objects of study is 25, which is not a realconvincing number, and may not really have obviously significant in statistics.

[早秋怀孕和荷尔蒙增加随日照的减少而增加是为了说明infant在生长期间是经历的日照逐渐变短荷尔蒙增加，这里根本没有必要攻击。其实过多引述不但浪费了时间而且使语言拖沓冗长，不好]
   
So all in all, this argument is ill-logical and can not make people to believethat the secret of hormone---melatonin has direct relationship with the shapeof character of shyness. To be a persuasive argument, the arguer has to providemore convincing evidence, such as, the function of melatonin, how does it affectthe brain of infants and so forth.[这里可以更全面些的]

        

不能算是一片出色的文章，我也觉得这题目的逻辑错误不难找但是逻辑关系不好分析，所以攻击起来可能困难些

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

先占个位置,忙完来改....

IloveMorganUID: 2209413

Argument53.Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
(13年前，研究者研究了一组在受到不熟悉的刺激比如不寻常的气味和未知声音的录音时表现出轻微紧张的25名婴儿。他们发现这些婴儿比其他婴儿更可能在早秋怀孕，而早秋是他们的母亲分泌的melatonin--一种已知会影响一些大脑功能的荷尔蒙--因日照的减少而增加的季节。在今年早些时候所作的跟踪调查中，这些表现出紧张迹象的儿童--现在已经是十几岁--有一半以上认为自己害羞。显然，出生前melatonin的增加导致婴儿期的羞涩并且这种羞涩将延续至生命更晚的阶段。)

Full text: (time: 19:20—20:30, 543words)
In this argument, the arguer states that a kind of hormone, known as having some affect to brain function, called melatonin has some relation to cause shyness of the infants, and which will last in their later life. However, closely scrutiny, ill-logical reasoning teems with the argument, and makes this argument not convincing at all. (开头很简单，不错）

From the very beginning, the arguer asserts that melatonin can influence some brain functions. Firstly, this evidence is （is不好吧，用seems可能更合适一些，用seems的话，too后面要加be）too ambiguous. He fails to explicit whether the melatonin’s affection is to the mothers or the infants. If this hormone has affection with the pregnant mothers’ brain, how does it influence the infants to be shy?（思考了半天，觉得这里不是说他怎么样有帮助，而是要说会不会有帮助。） It is obviously not a convincing evidence. Secondly, there is no any information about functions of melatonin, which really has some links with brain functions. Supposing it is truly that this hormone can do affect brain functions, however, what function does it can a influence? Is this function has something to do with shyness of the infants and can be last in their later life? All of these are called for questions. （个人感觉这段逻辑有一些问题，不是说有什么帮助，而是说会不会有帮助，你写的有什么帮助的还是多一些。还有question要用动名词形式）

Following, talk about the research that studied a group of 25 infants thirteen years ago. To think this study more carefully, there are several false reasoning. To begin with, it is wild（拼写错误） known that any child who is new born（不必这么复杂，any new born children就很好） are afraid of this new environment which is totally different with uterus of their mothers. So any odd and unfamiliar sound, odor or other stimuli can cause natural responses of the babies, which don’t represent that these infants are more sensitive to be shy in later life. Secondly, in the study, the arguer states that these 25 infants were conceived in early autumn, in which season that secrets of melatonin of mothers are more likely related to the change of daylight. Concede that the production of hormone do can be affected（不清楚这句是什么意思。） by the change of some natural forces, such as the climates, without no supporting evidence showing that decrease of daylight of autumn can increase secret of melatonin in pregnant mothers. And considering from another aspect, every season has changes of daylight, the arguer apparently fails to prove that this kind of change of autumn has some special function to mothers’ production of hormone. Thirdly, it is mentioned in this argument that the follow-up study conducted earlier this year, shows more than half of these children, now teenagers, who have signs that identified as shy. However, the arguer don’t （单复数）supply any information about the growing environment of these children. We must take into account that different environment can influence them to some extent. Harsh or stressful environment can make a child more easily to become chilly or shy. Finally, from statistics aspect, this research is taken 13years ago, and the objects of study is 25, which is not a real convincing number, and may not really have obviously significant in statistics. （呵呵。觉得这里逻辑有问题，跑题了，个人的感觉哦，你写最近的作业时总感觉是在应付差事，不知道为什么给我这种感觉）

So all in all, this argument is ill-logical and can not make people to believe that the secret of hormone---melatonin has direct relationship with the shape of character of shyness. To be a persuasive argument, the arguer has to provide more convincing evidence, such as, the function
of melatonin, how does it affect the brain of infants and so forth.
（最后想说两句，学习是一个漫长的过程，要坚持，不要有松懈和放松的心理，要持之以恒，对了，以后也要多拍拍我的文章啊。呵呵）