issue208

hejingCET4UID：2308496

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

WORDS:491          TIME: 上午 12:45:00          DATE: 2007-3-17

I partly agree with the author's point that the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests. However, I concede that he or she makes a conclusion, we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, is based on several empirical evidences. The appearance and behavior of its people do not the best sign of a society's ideas and values.

First of all, granted that the way people look, dress and act reveals certain attitudes and interests, it is hard to represent the truly inside desire or interests of people for many outside influence alternative factors. Such as the employees in the big business company, the stuff used to negotiate with their customs to gain more profits. If the stuff’s clothes style is as fashion as he or she likes, maybe skimpily clad women, or men address with easy negligence, which will give their customs unbelievable impress. In this case, the stuff’s appearance and behavior is the vivid sign of their company rather than their truly attitudes and interests. Further, the principal or the other powerful person is the same. The nation's principal must stand for the country the high code of ethics, because he or she is represented the nation's values and ideas. Howbeit, they possible not the moralists in the country, they have to give up own attitudes and interests since their obligationes as powerful leaders. So, the way people look, dress and act could not totally reveal their attitudes and interests.

However, even though the appearance and behavior of people is under the influence of  the society's ideas and values in some cases, it’s hard to understand a society's ideas and values just only though people's behavior or appearance.

On the one hand, people's behavior and appearance not entire depends on the society. As the globalization, people can know more about the outside, and share their experience, their culture, their values all around the world form the television, the internet, and the mobile phone. Their minds are broadened several times from other countries' culture and values rather than limited by their own society's ideas or values. Therefore, the appearance and behavior of people could not stand for a society's ideas and values perfectly.

On the other hand, a society's ideas and values should be represented by the just law system rather than the appearance and behavior of people. The people's appearance and behavior seems depend on several alternative factors, nevertheless, the just law with few limitations can best represent a society's ideas and values.

In sum, though the way people look, dress and act reveals a litter part of their attitudes and interests, we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. We should consider fully of the just law and other important factors of the society before accepting the author’s conclusion.

iq28UID：2152875

I partly agree with the author's point that the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests. (稍微改写一点,尽量不要照抄题目) However, I concede that he or she makes a conclusion, (不太通,ms句法有错误) we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people, is based on several empirical evidences. (前面半句用concede貌似要赞成,后面半句又反对了?) The appearance and behavior of its people do not (语法,is not) the best sign of a society's ideas and values. (你是不是要表达前半句部分赞成,后半句部分否定的意思?你对于后半句的态度写的不太清楚了)

First of all, granted (对什么让步?第一个body开头ts就对开头段的总论点让步????前面没有论证这里来一个让步感觉非常没有必要.用一个although...可能效果会好很多.) that the way people look, dress and act reveals certain attitudes and interests, it is hard to represent the truly inside desire or interests of people for many outside influence alternative factors. (ts还是很清楚的.嗯) Such as the employees in the big business company, the stuff used to negotiate with their customs to gain more profits. If the stuff’s clothes style is as fashion as he or she likes, maybe skimpily clad women, or men address with easy negligence, which will give their customs unbelievable impress. (你需要论证的是在某些情况下人们的衣着无法代表内心的希望和兴趣,红字部分说的是穿的不随性会造成的工作上的不良影响,中间还说了很多男的女的会穿什么样的衣服.例子侧重点不与ts match了) In this case, the stuff’s appearance and behavior is the vivid sign of their company rather than their truly attitudes and interests. (yes,这句话才是正道) Further, (前后似乎不构成递进关系) the principal or the other powerful person is the same. The nation's principal must stand for the country the high code of ethics, because he or she is represented the nation's values and ideas. Howbeit, they possible not the moralists in the country, (句法错误) they have to give up own attitudes and interests since their obligationes as powerful leaders. So, the way people look, dress and act could not totally reveal their attitudes and interests.

However, even though (又是让步,一看就有把题目完全驳倒的架势.开头不是部分否定的观念么?到现在还没有出现任何赞同的body.) the appearance and behavior of people is under the influence of  the society's ideas and values in some cases, (很奇怪的让步,这里如果even though使用正确,那么上面一段应该是在说人们没有收到社会理念价值观的影响,而你上一段第二个观念已经在论述了大人物被社会观念影响的情况.没有东西可以让你用来让步.用although应该才是正确的.) it’s hard to understand a society's ideas and values just only though people's behavior or appearance. (论点本身很好) On the one hand, people's behavior and appearance (do) not entire depends (depend) on the society. (根据你下面的论证内容,这里应该强调是本社会而非其它的社会) As the globalization, people can know more about the outside, and share their experience, their culture, their values all around the world form the television, the internet, and the mobile phone. Their minds are broadened several times from other countries' culture and values rather than limited by their own society's ideas or values. (不能赞同.人们作为社会的组成,他们的观念就是社会的观念,虽然人们的观念受到外来观念的影响而发生了变化.你的论证只能说明现在人的衣着行为不能代表社会传统的理念价值) Therefore, the appearance and behavior of people could not stand for a society's ideas and values perfectly.

On the other hand, (关键的逻辑关联词总是用得很糟糕-_-|||,上面的on the one hand说到的是为什么人们的举止不能代表社会理念价值,这里已经是讲应该用什么方法来表示社会理念价值了,这两者之间怎么能够是并列的one hand other hand的关系呢?本段应该是提出解决方案) a society's ideas and values should be represented by the just law system rather than the appearance and behavior of people. The people's appearance and behavior seems depend on several alternative factors, (只是重复第一个body的第二个论点.) nevertheless, the just law with few limitations can best represent a society's ideas and values. (提出了一个论点,后面没有任何论证.等于无效.lz是不是到这里没有时间了?)

In sum, though the way people look, dress and act reveals a litter part of their attitudes and interests, we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. (无语了,怀疑body跟结尾是不是一个人写的???明明最后一两个body在说人们行为不能代表社会理念价值,这里怎么又说是可以通过个人来发现社会的???) We should consider fully of the just law and other important factors of the society before accepting the author’s conclusion. (最后又没头没脑毫无转折加了一个我们在接受作者观念之前应该考虑法律及其其它重要因素,跟前面一句完全自相矛盾.ft)

lz的issue思路有argument化倾向

人们衣着无法代表其内心取向(其中一个原因是收到社会影响)(反对topic前半段)---->虽然有社会的影响,人们的思维还是无法代表社会的理念价值---->应该用法律来代表(观念很奇怪,也没有展开)

这个思路还是蛮清楚的,虽然各个body篇幅不协调.

但是开头和结尾实在是太糟糕.感觉就像是另外的文章的开头结尾硬加在这篇文章body之上,根本就不配套.

开头:部分赞同topic前半句衣着行为可以表现个人(body内却反驳了这个观念),反对topic后半部分人们心理可以代表社会(这里body倒确实支持了)

不过结尾却说:我们能通过个体人的衣着行为来了解社会的理念价值,简直就是扇了自己一个响亮的耳光(body刚刚论证了这个是错误的.)后面又毫无征兆地忽然加上一句接受作者观念之前要法律的内容,又狠狠的扇了前面一句赞同作者观念的结论的耳光. 实在不知道lz写结尾的时候在想什么.

body的框架还是可以接受的,除了那几个连接词.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-3-18 04:44 编辑 ]

hejingCET4UID：2308496

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-3-18 04:35 发表
First of all, granted (对什么让步?第一个body开头ts就对开头段的总论点让步????前面没有论证这里来一个让步感觉非常没有必要.用一个although...可能效果会好很多.)

用让步是觉得会更有说服力，确实在开头没有给出前提的情况下，让步显得很费解

If the stuff’s clothes style is as fashion as he or she likes, maybe skimpily clad women, or men address with easy negligence, which will give their customs unbelievable impress. (你需要论证的是在某些情况下人们的衣着无法代表内心的希望和兴趣,红字部分说的是穿的不随性会造成的工作上的不良影响,中间还说了很多男的女的会穿什么样的衣服.例子侧重点不与ts match了)

举这个例子是想说，因为工作的需要，他们不能随心所欲的穿着打扮，当然也就不能代表他们自己的兴趣，而是公司的形象。可能是我举例后面的分析没有到位，导致理解的偏差。。不知道这样是不是会好些。

On the other hand, (关键的逻辑关联词总是用得很糟糕

这两个 方面 是作为However 的具体展开。想是两个方面嘛所以就用 one hand ，the other hand

. (提出了一个论点,后面没有任何论证.等于无效.lz是不是到这里没有时间了?)

是没有时间了，也没有例子可以举。 这一段本来是要说 道德伦理才能代表一个社会的价值取向。应该是 ethical and moral

In sum, though the way people look, dress and act reveals a litter part of their attitudes and interests, we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. (无语了,怀疑body跟结尾是不是一个人写的???明明最后一两个body在说人们行为不能代表社会理念价值,这里怎么又说是可以通过个人来发现社会的???)

我用的是 a little part of their attitides ~~ 这个没有部分同意的意思么？
总的思路是 外表和行为只能在一定程度上表明人们的态度和兴趣----外貌和举止不能完全做为了解社会的窗口---应该是通过道德和伦理来理解


谢谢 修改
宝贵的意见
具体的修改我之后会贴上来的

iq28UID：2152875

举这个例子是想说，因为工作的需要，他们不能随心所欲的穿着打扮，当然也就不能代表他们自己的兴趣，而是公司的形象。可能是我举例后面的分析没有到位，导致理解的偏差。。不知道这样是不是会好些。

例子本身没错
不过说那么长,而且没有针对这ts是大忌.
要侧重说出例子支持ts的部分
这里例子应该重点说出他们的外表跟内心是怎么差别
至于他们是为了满足客户而不能穿什么什么衣服,穿了客户会有什么反应,都是不需要说的.



这两个 方面 是作为However 的具体展开。想是两个方面嘛所以就用 one hand ，the other hand

however后面的两点已经有点递进的味道了,先是说a是不可以的,然后说应该由b来解决.你觉得用on one hand on the other hand 合适么?



我用的是 a little part of their attitides ~~ 这个没有部分同意的意思么？
总的思路是 外表和行为只能在一定程度上表明人们的态度和兴趣----外貌和举止不能完全做为了解社会的窗口---应该是通过道德和伦理来理解


看出来你前面的部分同意了.
但是你文章里面基本就没有任何论证到同意的方面.
这个还是次要问题.
关键还是下面的we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. 跟上面的body论证矛盾了.


body的思路其实挺好的.
就是开头态度的表述有点模糊不清
结尾比较糟糕
改得比较狠~见谅吧~
add oil

hejingCET4UID：2308496

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

WORDS: 515          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-3-21

The issue that we can understand a society's ideas and values though the appearance and behavior of its people is very complex and controversial. While I fundamental agree with the speaker that the most way people look and act reveals their interests and attitudes, and we can know a society's values by observing daily lives. However, this conclusion seems not persuasive in some circumstance. In this assay, I will present several reasons.

Admittedly, most of the time, the way people look and act represents the inside desire. We can choose clothes style as our personal interests, such as, most gentlemen would like to wear west-style clothes, most rigid men will choose work cloths, and most easy-going men have interest in sportswear. Because we have the right to make decision for ourselves, it seems entire possible to dress and appear for our values. However, in some circumstance, act and dress should represent for something else rather than us. For example, in a business company, the stuff, who are the vivid sign of the company, have been to negotiate with their customers to gain more profits. They have to appear confident and trustful, even if they are self-contemptuous and indifferent, or they will lose the job and perhaps have problem on their families. Therefore the way people appearance just reveals a little part of their attitudes and interests.

Besides, I fundamental agree with the speaker that a society's ideas and values influences people's appearance. For example, the solutions on aged people are different between the Eastern (E) countries and the Western (W) countries. In W, the aged people can get sufficient money from the welfaism, and therefore kids have no obligation to provide for the aged. While children are used to providing for the aged and regarding parents highly. Since in E tradition, respecting older is the basic princeple of human's socialization, which are different in W. Thus people with dissimilar values have unlike behavior.

Howbeit, can we understand a society's values entirely, just only through the appearance and behavior of people? It is definitely not. It is granted that people's appearance depends on society's values, the former cannot reveals the latter without relating with other factors. Still take the E and W for example. Let us assume, if we estimate the people's behavior, which is separated from their culture, the history, and the ethic. The W society's values seem that indifferent, dependent, and selfish, while; irresoluteness, independence, and none-ambition seem as the main feature of E people. Obvious, it is not the truth. The study of a society's ideas and values is based on its history, the culture, the moral and ethical rather than only consider about its people's appearance and behavior.

In sum, the speaker's conclusion overlooks some special cases. So I would like to say that people's look, dress, and act is influenced by many alter factors and therefore sometime cannot reveal people's inside thoughts. As the same, a society's values and ideas are established on the culture, the history, and the ethic, thus hardly to understand clearly by observing people's appearance or behavior.

[ 本帖最后由 hejingCET4 于 2007-3-21 16:59 编辑 ]

hejingCET4UID：2308496

原帖由 iq28 于 2007-3-18 12:19 发表
关键还是下面的we can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. 跟上面的body论证矛盾了.

现在才发现 当初好象是 掉了一个  NOT , 导致如此怪异的结尾,难怪斑斑~~~~
汗啊!!!!

iq28UID：2152875

原帖由 hejingCET4 于 2007-3-23 23:21 发表



现在才发现 当初好象是 掉了一个  NOT , 导致如此怪异的结尾,难怪斑斑~~~~
汗啊!!!!

这种关键词考场上可千万表少哈