牛人们，帮小弟改一篇作文吧

lintelleUID: 2297267

呵呵~毛泽东……
最近这边刚出了一本诋毁毛泽东生平的书，还是national bestseller，笑。
提到中国古代皇帝时最好说明一下，老美知道毛泽东很给面子了，谁管什么汉武大帝……举例时切记让对方了解你的意旨。
首段很漂亮。尾段也要尽量拉长为好。显得有点虎头蛇尾。
First things first 是口语化用法，TOEFL考察工作学习能力，使用更正式一点的语言比较好。
Finally and most crucially，非常喜欢这个安排模式。第二重要的观点在第一个分论段，第三重要的在第二个，最重要的放最后，这是我在加拿大遇见的所有英语老师都推崇的写作方式。会让评卷人强烈感觉被说服。但要注意你在每段使用的观点，在论证方面的重要性的确搭配。
语法和用词还是不错的，虽然没什么特别炫目的词汇，但没有什么误用现象，这点很难得，注意保持。
考前一个月开始要注意限时写作了。加油。:)

wj78xxUID: 2241966

Throughout the entire history of man-kind, there exist a barrage of heroes and powerful figures who lead the people, the country and even the world .Some are important for their contribution in making their nation grow powerful like King HanWu.Some gain the reputation because of their great effort in defeating the nation's enemy.  
However, juging from my point of view, none of them could be compared to the great leader of People's Republic of China------Chairman Mao
World history abounds of important leaders and prominent figures who often times play a crucial role in promoting and shaping human development. Due to their great personality and leadership, the basic social and politic system of humankind have been significantly and positively defined and improved over the centuries. Yet the most important of them should be Chairman Mao, who won respect and recognition both at home and abroad.

First things first, Chairman Mao plays an indispensable role in leading Chinese people to fight against and finally defeat Japanese invaders. It is widely accepted ,both by Chinese people and citizens of the world ,that had it not been for Chairman Mao's leadership, the 13 billion Chinese would still have no houses to live, no bread to eat  ,no TOEFL tests to take and would still face the prospect of losing their lives.
First, it is chairman Mao’s leadership and vision at the revolutionary stage that has changed the fate of both the country and the people. During the Anti-Japanese war, he worked with other communist and democratic leaders to form a national front in their strenuous struggle to break off the shackles of invaders and bring freedom to the Chinese land. Under his leadership, the nation was eventually emancipated from foreign hands.
At the same time, Chairman Mao is the second to none figure who succeeded in making such an agriculture-based nation as China into a fast-developing country. I still remember the story my grandfather told me about that period of history. During that very period of time, Chairman Mao often worked day and night, talking with important government officers, making plans for the improvement of the economy and writing reports. Two great aims were ever before him: improving the domestic economy and making his motherland a respected, powerful nation in the world. In both of the two aims, he had great success.
Second, his determination and great understanding of the people and the country also serves as a contributor to the economic success that China has achieved at its early construction stage. In a matter of seven years, china succeeded in riding off capital economy and in gearing up in its socialist construction. No less significantly, the land holding system, which has perplexed untold political leaders in history, was worked out with farmers being able to working on their own land.
Finally and most crucially, Chairman Mao has a unique personality that encourages generations of Chinese and even people from other nations. Chairman Mao is respected for his sports-loving attitude toward life. As is mentioned in his autobiography, Chairman Mao went jogging for 2 hours every single morning ever since he had passed his 10th birthday. Besides, he took part in all kinds of sports activities such as basketball, swiming and soccer.
Special mention should be made of his personality and private life. A well known poet, the greatest of a new generation, he wrote many poems in response to his personal feelings either right after a battle or when he was sporting, Many of them widely read and published by both native and non native people.
To sum up, Chairman Mao, being sports-loving and hardworking, deservles the title of "The most important leader in the world.