急盼好心的大哥大姐们改改小妹第一次作文

未了UID: 2328622

第一次作文，用了好长时间:( 我的写作一直不好，从前很少训练欠下的债啊……

请好心人帮我看看，这篇有哪些问题，应该怎么修改呢？:confused:

小女子在此谢过大家啦！！

Topic 005
   A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near where you live. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new addition to your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

我的观点：
oppose:
1 pollution to the environment
2 traffic  press
3 lack public sanitation and lifesaving measures, when accidents


I oppose the idea that to build a large factory near the community where I live. A factory is not built with machines just as a house is not built with bricks. In the production of the factory, the pollution would cause environment problems of the community.And the traffic conditions would turn bad because of the transportation needs of the factory . And we must realize the community lacks the ability to deal with the dangers when serious accidents in the factory happening.  All these will affect the normal life of the local residents ..
    First of all, the factory will make pollution to the environment of the community undoubtly. Lots of statistics shows that pollution would cause serious health damage of people. In other words, with the running of the factory, the health of residents would be in danger .For example, in 1960s, many residents in a small circumlittoral town of Japan suffered from a strange illness, even some of them died.  The later research showed that they were the victims of the serious water pollution caused by a local factory. So obviously the building factory would bring the danger of pollution and damage to health of the residents.
    In addition, the factory would bring great press to the local  traffic establishment.  Since lots of raw materials are needed in the production of the factory, it requires relevant traffic establishment such as park, road, etc in a high level. But the fact is, the traffic establishment around the community is not designed for industry production but only for living. In the meanwhile, the mobility of the large amount of  employments   would also bring  great press to the local traffic. For example, when these employments go to work in the same time in the morning, there would be a serious traffic jam near the community, which would make the residents only stay at home.
    Moreover, the communitylacks the basic public sanitation and lifesaving measures in the situation of accident happening in the production of the factory, such as fire, poisonous materials leaking,etc. Imagine if some poisonous gas is leaking out, then all the residents would be in great dangerous and have to leave home. The community almost has no ability to face the dangers caused by production accidents.
     As what is mentioned above, I oppose the idea of building a large factory near the community where I live. Life is more important than everything, not mentioned to economical benefits. So we should rather take the safety in to account than other things. To build a factory near the community is not a good idea.

[ 本帖最后由 lintelle 于 2007-5-21 15:41 编辑 ]

未了UID: 2328622

自己顶一个，是不是写得实在太差没法修改呢:funk:

困惑中……大家给点意见吧！

谢谢谢谢！！

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

building a new factory has many pros and cons. Environment is only one among many concerns.
pros:
job opportunityies
  direct: absorb many local labors
  indirect: many small business will thrive
economic development
  income, money, govenment revenue,
  city development

cons:
environment concern (polution, traffic pressure, noise,
because the need for labor, human resource will increase, some business will be out.

coment: competion is alwayse fiece in comercial.

Solution:
if polution can be minimized, why don't we refuse such an economic opportunity
example: a city in California face economic slow down due to compelte refusal of a WAkmart supercenter. The city I live considered possible complainment from residents nearby and ask a modified version of Walmart which is not as big as originally planed but the business investors still will accept.

You know what my opion is!
---------------------------------------------
for your information

Be logical
combine with features in your city.

A factory is likely unwelcome in my city.
BKZ: my city is an education Center and an entaintainment center. It receives students attension and serves them very well. It also takes care of retirees.
all residents likes it bkz it is clean and quiet, and once top the list of the best residential city in all America.
It also attracts tourists for its natural beauty.
A factory may ruin what we have right now BKZ it may polute,
it may increase traffic jams.
Our city has a shortage of electric power but we ever refused a proposal to build a nother power plant.