issue30 第二篇感觉没什么进步，咳~欢迎猛拍

Francis07UID: 2185659

30. The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

人类的历史经历了一个漫长的过程，从最初的石器时代，到蒸汽时代，电器时代，直到现在的信息时代。科技是我们的生活一步一个台阶地向上攀登，使我们不断向着我们的目标，即实现人类的价值而不断迈进。在这条前进的路上，科技的发展可说是功不可没。马克思曾说过：科技发展的主要目的是为了推动生产力的发展，因为生产力是发展的关键因素，如果缺少了生产力，生产将会停滞不前甚至倒退。

要说科技发展的目的是不是为了增加人们的闲暇时光，这却不尽然，正如刚才所说人类发展的任务是为了实现人类的价值，而人类的价值却不仅仅包含了提高人们的生活质量，改善人们的生活水平，提高工作效率等等。而为了达到这样一个目标人们可能会比从前更忙，反而不是更为清闲。

确实，科技的发展的确给人们带来了舒适的生活，比如。。。但是这并不代表所有人的闲暇时间增多了。相反在。。。的同时。。。的工作时间增加了。。。

科技的发展带来了更多的挑战，科技人员为了这些新的问题废寝忘食，更有不少甚至放弃了他们的闲暇时间来解决问题，比如。。。

科技发展的目的十分深远，它是人类进步的垫脚石，是人们辛勤劳动的成果，如果我们以为科技的发展仅仅是为人们带来更多的闲暇时光那么我们就会在几次甚至一次飞跃之后沾沾自喜，而不思进取。躺在胜利的成果上，导致的结果将不堪设想。。。

所以我们可以得出结论，人类要走的路还很长，要证明人类的价值就要付出巨大的努力。科技发展使人们拥有更多的闲暇时光这种想法固然理想但是却难以实现，因为要实现理想就必须有人为之付出。这样的话，理想也就终究只能是理想而已。


From the Stone Age to the steam age, then electrical age, and the information age, we human beings have gone through a wide span of human history climbing up step by step along the rungs of technological advancement ladder.  On the road targeting to realize the value of human beings, the high-tech is really playing an important role.  The primary goal of technological advancement is not to increase people's leisure time but to improve people's producing ability, as Marx discussed in his "Economics Principles".  Without these abilities, technology advancements are just castles in the air.

Admittedly, some new technologies really lifted up people's living standard and made our lives cozier than ever before.  Internet is convenient for us to know what is happening around world, and is also creating several working positions such as SOHO, net manager and information guard, etc.  Air conditioners are making people's working and living places much more comfortable.  And most commonly, people don't have to worry about the darkness at night because electricity and bumps are produced.  People are solving their daily problems with new technologies.  And in some cases, these new technologies really increased people's working efficiency and some works even just could not leave them, such as computers, cars and so on.

Although we could not deny that technologies advancement really improved our livings and, in some conditions, working efficiency, these improvements are also bringing new problems.  For another example of computer, researches in communications and networking management and its efficiency are still undergoing.  The speed of transportations is still rising tremendously through the invention of maglev and planes, etc.  The road accessing to these success are paved by the hard works of those diligent scientific researchers and arduous workers.  Life nowadays is not leisurer but much busier than before.  Cars could cause accidences making the policemen busier.  Goods and products are much complex than before making the businessmen much busier. (I need more examples) Almost everyone is distributing his life to his career.  Some of them are even sacrificing their leisure time in the study of high-techs.  Merely can we see a scientist could finish a TV show taking my father as an example?  It really pays when we gets.  

The goal of the development of new advanced technology is abstract and indefinite.  If we just sleep on the successes we have already made and being satisfied with them doing nothing more, the future would be an unpredictable darkness.  Suppose we are still satisfying with fire we accidentally found and do nothing else, bumps will not be invented.  Edison would be still thinking that "well candle is okay” and we sleep early enjoying our leisure time.  Development stimulates development.  The prosperous cycle ripples when even the minority was found or invented.  Nothing could stop this trend.

Life is easier with more difficulties.  On the road of development, people still have a long way to go.  Although helping people get more leisure time though new advanced technology is an ideal thinking, it is obviously hard to realize.  The purpose of our creation is apparent: to reach our utmost goals of belief, knowledge, and spirituality; to reflect on the universe and humanity, and thus prove our value of existence.  Technological advancement is just a necessary process during the whole project.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-7-22 13:36 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

From the Stone Age to the steam age, then electrical age, and the information age, we human beings have gone through a wide span of human history climbing up step by step along the rungs of technological advancement ladder.  On the road targeting to realize the value of human beings, the high-tech is really playing an important role.  The primary goal of technological advancement is not to increase people's leisure time but to improve people's producing ability, as Marx discussed in his "Economics Principles".  Without these abilities, technology advancements are just castles in the air.(问题出来了, 仅仅是提高producing ability? 本题的目标和这个不具备可比性, 因为不处于同一逻辑层面上:　怎么增加空闲时间? 提高劳动效率, 怎么提高劳动效率? 提高生产力. 因此你说科技发展的目的是提高生产力, 不代表它的目的就不是提高空闲时间, 相反, 很可能为了提高空闲时间我们才要提高生产力. 不处于同一逻辑层面上的问题不能够成取舍对比逻辑, 因此你的出发点有点对不上题. 要证明首要目的不是提供空闲时间, 可以用跟它同一层面的目的来说这些才是提供最基本目的, 或者由于它们并列所以没有首要目的, 比如提高生活质量, 实现个人价值, 也可以进一步用辨证法分析空闲时间本身, 比如有的人工作的时候也很享乐, 因此空闲时间的增多对他们没好处, 而技术在这些人眼中则是使工作更具吸引力的工具.--有关这个出发点我也不太确定, 你自己思考下吧, 觉得是这样)

Admittedly, some new technologies really lifted up people's living standard and made our lives cozier than ever before.(effective=make lives cozy and lift living standard? 两码事, 这个让步曲解了作者的意思, 同时也让你自己少了一个出发点)  Internet is convenient for us to know what is happening around world, and is also creating several working positions such as SOHO, net manager and information guard, etc.  Air conditioners are making people's working and living places much more comfortable.  And most commonly, people don't have to worry about the darkness at night because electricity and bumps are produced.  People are solving their daily problems with new technologies.  And in some cases, these new technologies really increased people's working efficiency and some works even just could not leave them, such as computers, cars and so on.(效率直接关系到时间, 只是提升生活质量的一个方面,象你提到的空调则是提供了与时间同步的空间优势, 即条件好转, 与时间没有直接联系, 象工作机会这种跟效率就更没关系了, 因此可以认为这段跑题了.)(这里感觉你的问题是出在没有把题目的层次分开, 题目有两点 1 提高效率 2 增加业余时间, 其实是忽略了总工作量也增加的问题, 形成了单纯的因果, 也就是imong所说的1+1关系, 所以写的时候应该把题目的层次分开来论证, 而不是写到一块, 这样很容易混淆题目概念, 进而跑题)

Although we could not deny that technologies advancement really improved our livings and, in some conditions, working efficiency, these improvements are also bringing new problems. (bring new problems是副作用, 和目的不是一会事, 难道我们是为了找麻烦而发展科技? 这里的表达有问题, 我想你的意思是效率提升的同时带来的问题, 使得这种提升变得不利于我们生活, 进而不能成为科技发展的目的, 而仅仅是客观发展的某项附加值) For another example of computer, researches in communications and networking management and its efficiency are still undergoing. (前面那个for an another example多余, 因为这个引导等于你就举一个电脑的例子, 举完例子要进行说明, 但你却转向了交通, 此时这个词不能覆盖后面的话, 反而限定了行文的完整性.) The speed of transportations is still rising tremendously through the invention of maglev and planes, etc.  The road accessing to these success are paved by the hard works of those diligent scientific researchers and arduous workers.  (but 注意句子之间的逻辑关系, 适当加入引导词能让你的思路比较明晰)Life nowadays is not leisurer but much busier than before.  Cars could cause accidences making the policemen busier.  Goods and products are much complex than before making the businessmen much busier. (I need more examples) Almost everyone is distributing his life to his career.  Some of them are even sacrificing their leisure time in the study of high-techs.  Merely can we see a scientist could finish a TV show taking my father as an example?  It really pays when we gets.  

The goal of the development of new advanced technology is abstract and indefinite.  If we just sleep on the successes we have already made and being satisfied with them doing nothing more, the future would be an unpredictable darkness.  Suppose we are still satisfying with fire we accidentally found and do nothing else, bumps will not be invented.  Edison would be still thinking that "well candle is okay” and we sleep early enjoying our leisure time.  Development stimulates development.  The prosperous cycle ripples when even the minority was found or invented.  Nothing could stop this trend.(这段的论证赞, 提升了文章的整体高度, 但主题句太笼统了, 抽象和不确定等于把你自己的论证也变的抽象和不确定, 一来统帅不了本段的论证内容, 二来也不知道你要说什么, 其实这里不就在说人类总是以更爽为目标发展的么, 进行深入的剖析能让你的论证有更多的支持, 而不止是无证据的断言: development stimulates development, nothing could stop this trend. 说明这种trend是由人类天性决定的, 由物种发展趋势决定, 由基因决定的...等等)

Life is easier with more difficulties.  On the road of development, people still have a long way to go.  Although helping people get more leisure time though new advanced technology is an ideal thinking, it is obviously hard to realize.  The purpose of our creation is apparent: to reach our utmost goals of belief, knowledge, and spirituality; to reflect on the universe and humanity, and thus prove our value of existence.  Technological advancement is just a necessary process during the whole project.

总评: 总体而言是一篇很出色的ISSUE, 特别是段落间的逻辑衔接很好, 考试的时候写成这样应该有5分以上了, 唯一的硬伤就是把leisure time和cozy life混淆了.
另外你这里的重点安排不太好, 其实最有力地是倒数第二段, 我想重点应该放这里, 相反, 你说缺例子那里其实论证已经够多的了, 那段是表面现象, 后一段才是分析说理, 因此后面更重要.

Francis07UID: 2185659

谢谢,有angel拍我真是信心倍增阿。
好，我要继续努力了。