Argument117 【0806G-Sunbird小组】Norman第4次作业

norman518UID: 188582

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 414          TIME: 1:03:19          DATE: 2007-11-11
Modify: 661

In this memo, based on the premise that the demands of home office machines and supplies will greatly increase with the inclines of work required in home, the business manager of Valu-Mart suggests that all Valu-Mart stores should be promote the stock of home office machines and supplies in order to make their office-supply departments becoming the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. To strengthen it, the manager cites a recent survey. However, this suggestion is full of logical fallacies form the cited survey to its premise, and to its reasoning process, then is unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly, the recent survey cited in above memo is suspecious and unsubstantiated, and could lead to the uncertain premise. In above memo, the manager falls to detail the recent survey for its statistical certainty. Such details as, who is the sponsor of the survey, if the initiator is the producer of home office equipment or its ad-agent, the questionnaire is high likely to mislead those respondents to incline to their favorable answer; or how about the field of the survey, if the survey is taken on a local areas rather than the whole country as a whole, then survey is not representative; or how about the constitution of the respondents, if the most member of respondents consists of women and young people, the result of survey cannot reflect the true condition, as common sense tells us that women and young people are more inclined, far beyond men and older people, to express their sentimentality or unsatisfied feelings about the occupational pressure rather than their real situation. If the manager cannot rule out above possibilities, the survey is doubtable and undependable

Even if the survey is dependable, the promise is also untenable for that the more work taken home cannot make the conclusion of the more demands on home office equipments. In this memo, the manager provides no evidence to show that how about the rates of home works to their routines, how about the unique features of home works, and where is the location of Valu-Mart stores. If those home works is only a little proportion of their routines, it is hard imagine for respondents to need small copy machines and paper shredders; or if those home works belong to hi-tech field involving to write codes for program, or design 3D effects on PC, it is not useful for potential customers to equip a large amount of paper, pens and staplers, or if Valu-Mart stores is almost located in the commercial districts---that is far away from residential areas, it is still hard for Valu-Mart to improve its retails. If the manager falls to clarify above exceptions, the promise upon which his suggestion relies is ungrounded.

Even if the premise is reasonable, the manager's suggestion--the office-supple department being the most profitable component-- is still unattainable just according to its impressive sales. As we all know, the price of products is indeed the function of supple and demand, but the benefit is not the necessary cause-and-effect relationship with the price. This is to say that benefits of Valu-Mart stores result from many others factors, such as management level, the rents of stores, and the numbers of stocks which directly influence to cash flows and rents of stores. What is more, the only time the manager can claim that the office-supply department is the most profitable just through such simple measures of increasing stocks when others departments make no progress. Therefore, the manager’s suggestion is arbitrary until he or she can provide evidences to show the details on the cost-benefit analysis.

In sum, it is irrational and presumptuous for the manager to suggest so in terms of the promotion of sales. To strengthen it, the manager should provide more evidence to solidify the recent survey, and to make the analysis of market demands. To better evaluate the suggestion, the manager should offer the detains on the cost-benefit analysis of all departments in Valu-Mart shore.

[ 本帖最后由 norman518 于 2007-11-11 18:33 编辑 ]

demonXhunterUID: 2420492

Argument117 【0806G-Sunbird小组】Norman第4次作业
TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 414          TIME: 1:03:19          DATE: 2007-11-11
Modify: 661

In this memo, based on the premise that the demands of home office machines and supplies will greatly increase with the inclines of work required at home, the business manager of Valu-Mart suggests that all Valu-Mart stores should be promoted the stock of home office machines and supplies in order to make their office-supply departments( becoming 似乎不需要) the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. To strengthen it, the manager cites a recent survey. However, this suggestion is full of logical fallacies form the cited survey to its premise, and to its reasoning process, and then is unpersuasive as it stands.

Firstly, the recent survey cited in above memo is suspicious and unsubstantiated, and could lead to the uncertain premise. In above memo, the manager fails to detail the recent survey for its statistical certainty. Such details as, who is the sponsor of the survey, if the initiator is the producer of home office equipment or its ad-agent, the questionnaire is high likely to mislead those respondents to incline to their个人觉得这里指代不清,用its也许清晰些，或者直接用initiator’s favorable answer; or how about the field of the survey, if the survey is taken on a local areas rather than the whole country as a whole, then survey is not representative; or how about the constitution of the respondents, if the most member of respondents consists of women and young people, the result of survey cannot reflect the true condition, as common sense tells me that women and young people are more inclined, far beyond men and older people, to express their sentimentality or unsatisfied feelings about the occupational pressure rather than their real situation. If the manager cannot rule out above possibilities, the survey is doubtable and undependable

Even if the survey is dependable, the promise is also untenable for that the more work taken home cannot make the conclusion of the more demands on home office equipments. 这个句子够个性的，不过似乎少写这样的句子比较好，表达不了这个意思就换个说法吧，想必ETS考官看了也要分析下句子成分In this memo, the manager provides no evidence to show that how about the rates of home works to their routines, how about the unique features of home works, and where is the location of Valu-Mart stores. If those home works is only a little proportion of their routines, it is hardto imagine for respondents to need(require) small copy machines and paper shredders; or if those home works belong to hi-tech field involving writing code for programs,designing 3D effects on PC and so on, it is useless for potential customers to equip a large amount of paper, pens and staplers, or if Valu-Mart stores is almost located in the commercial districts---that is far away from residential areas, it is still hard for Valu-Mart to improve its retails. If the manager fails to clarify above exceptions, the promise upon which his suggestion relies is ungrounded.

Even if the premise is reasonable, the manager's suggestion--the office-supple department being the most profitable component-- is still unattainable just according to its impressive sales. As we all know, the price of products is indeed the function of supple and demand, but (and?) the benefit have not the necessary cause-and-effect relationship with the price. This is to say that benefits of Valu-Mart stores result from many others factors, such as management level, the rents of stores, and the numbers of stocks which directly influence 不要tocash flows and rents of stores. What is more, the only time the manager can claim that the office-supply department is the most profitable is just through such simple measures of increasing stocks when other departments make no progress.(完全有更好的方法表达同一个意思，这句话太晦涩了) Therefore, the manager’s suggestion is arbitrary until he or she can provide evidences to show the details on the cost-benefit analysis.

In sum, it is irrational and presumptuous for the manager to suggest so in terms of the promotion of sales. To strengthen it, the manager should provide more evidence to solidify the recent survey, and to make the analysis of market demands. To better evaluate the suggestion, the manager should offer the detains on the cost-benefit analysis of all departments in Valu-Mart store.
work工作是不可数。选择的观点都很有深度，但是论证时应尽量有美国人常使用的句子，语法应多注意

[ 本帖最后由 demonXhunter 于 2007-11-13 20:48 编辑 ]

norman518UID: 188582

edith_sleepingUID: 2368536

In this memo, based on the premise that the demands of home office machines and supplies will greatly increase with the inclines of work required in home, the business manager of Valu-Mart suggests that all Valu-Mart stores should be promote the stock of home office machines and supplies in order to make their office-supply departments becoming the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. To strengthen it, the manager cites a recent survey. However, this suggestion is full of logical fallacies form{from} the cited survey to its premise, and to its reasoning process, then is unpersuasive as it stands.{如果把to 的短语放后面就很对称}

Firstly, the recent survey cited in above memo is suspecious and unsubstantiated, and could（可以改成without leading） lead to the uncertain premise. In above memo, the manager falls to detail the recent survey for its statistical certainty. Such details as, who is the sponsor of the survey, if the initiator is the producer of home office equipment or its ad-agent, the questionnaire is high likely to mislead those respondents to incline to their favorable answer; or how about the field of the survey, if the survey is taken on a local areas rather than the whole country as a whole, then survey is not represe(这是什么意思啊)ntative; or how about the constitution of the respondents, if the most member of respondents consists of women and young people, the result of survey cannot reflect the true condition, as common sense tells us that women and young people are more inclined, far beyond men and older people, to express their sentimentality or unsatisfied feelings about the occupational pressure rather than their real situation. If the manager cannot rule out above possibilities, the survey is doubtable and undependable

Even if the survey is dependable这个转折很漂亮, the promise is also untenable for that the more work taken home cannot make the conclusion of the more demands on home office equipments. In this memo, the manager provides no evidence to show that how about整篇的重复率太高 the rates of home works to their routines, how about the unique features of home works, and where is the location of Valu-Mart stores. If those home works is only a little proportion of their routines, it is hard imagine for respondents to need small copy machines and paper shredders; or if those home works belong to hi-tech field involving to write codes for program, or design 3D effects on PC, it is not useful for potential customers to equip a large amount of paper, pens and staplers, or if Valu-Mart stores is almost located in the commercial districts---that is far away from residential areas, it is still hard for Valu-Mart to improve its retails. If the manager falls to clarify above exceptions, the promise upon which his suggestion relies is ungrounded.

Even if the premise is reasonable, the manager's suggestion--the office-supple department being the most profitable component--好像不是suggestion is still unattainable just according to its impressive sales. As we all know, the price of products is indeed the function of supple and demand, but the benefit is not the necessary cause-and-effect relationship with the price. This is to say that benefits of Valu-Mart stores result from many others factors, such as management level, the rents of stores, and the numbers of stocks which directly influence to cash flows and rents of stores. What is more, the only time the manager can claim that the office-supply department is the most profitable just through such simple measures of increasing stocks when others departments make no progress. Therefore, the manager’s suggestion is arbitrary until he or she can provide evidences to show the details on the cost-benefit analysis.

In sum, it is irrational and presumptuous for the manager to suggest so in terms of the promotion of sales. To strengthen it, the manager should provide more evidence to solidify the recent survey, and to make the analysis of market demands. To better evaluate the suggestion, the manager should offer the detains on the cost-benefit analysis of all departments in Valu-Mart shore.
文章的结构不错 但是部分语言的口语化重如how about
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[ 本帖最后由 edith_sleeping 于 2007-11-17 02:33 编辑 ]