argument45[Jet]小组第三次作业

fish_05UID: 2453875

45.北极鹿生活在加拿大极地区域的岛屿上。它们全年都通过冰块在岛屿间移动来寻找食物。它们的栖居地局限在那些温暖得足以维持它们所需的植物生长，并且在一年的至少某些时候冷到足以让岛屿间的海面结冰以使它们能够在岛屿间旅行的地方。然而，根据当地猎人的报告，鹿的数量正在下降。由于这一报告正好与最近导致海洋冰面融化的全球变暖趋势同时发生，我们可以得出结论：北极鹿数量的下降是它们无法按它们原有的迁移习惯穿越结冰海面的结果。

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. In order to support his conclusion, the arguer cited a report from local hunters and made several assumptions. His argument seems to be sound and convictive, however, from my point of view, there are some flaws that undermined the validity.

To begin with, the arguer persuaded us to believe that number of the arctic deer in Canada’s arctic region had been declined by providing reports from local hunters. The arguer’s opinion depends on such a report. Yet he failed to provide evidence to assure its reliability and generalization. How many local hunters were surveyed? Important information such as age, hunting objects, hunting habits is not available in the argument. It is possible that most of those hunters surveyed are used to hunt at night, while arctic deer comes out for food during the day which caused this misunderstanding. Therefore, the author cannot convince me before he assures that the local hunters in the report were representative.

Even if one accepts the fact that the number of arctic deer in the region had been decreased, the arguer’s explanation for this phenomenon remains questionable. When we turn to his explanation, we may find bigger fallacies in it.

Firstly, He unfairly assumes that the reason for such phenomenon is due to global warming trend. It seems common sense that global warming can cause the ice that deer used to travel over for food melt. However, not a single evidence was provided in the argument to assure that this trend is worldwide. Canada arctic region is greatly distinct from other territories in world in terms of geographical location and climate. It is possible that the area where arctic deer live does not have a problem of global warming at all.

Secondly, the arguer ignored several alternatives that may contribute to the decline of deer population. It is possible that the local hunters had been hunting more deer than usual for years which gradually broke the balance of nature. Similarly, there may be an increase of population in the region which resulted in the need of farm land. Thus, grassland on the island where deer forge for food was seriously damaged. As a result, the deer had nothing to eat and starved to death. Without taking all the other factors into account, the arguer cannot conclude a causal relationship between global warming and decline of arctic deer.

In summary, it is unwise to make a rash conclusion that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of its being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. Further investigation and more detailed surveys are called for to find out the real reason of decreasing.

[ 本帖最后由 fish_05 于 2008-2-5 20:47 编辑 ]

hao3361UID: 2405848

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. (建议开始不要直接引用原文的话，可以进行简单的改写，比如正常改被动，后置，加定语等，ETS喜欢句型的多变）In order to support his conclusion, the arguer cited a report from local hunters and made several assumptions. His argument seems to be sound and convictive, however, from my point of view, there are some flaws that undermined the validity.

To begin with, the arguer persuaded us to believe that number of the arctic deer in Canada’s arctic region had been declined by providing reports from local hunters. The arguer’s opinion depends on such a report.(将这句话整合到前句report后变成定语从句会更流畅些？） Yet he failed to provide evidence to assure its reliability and generalization. How many local hunters were surveyed? Important information such as age, hunting objects, hunting habits is not available in the argument. It is possible that most of those hunters surveyed are used to hunt at night, while arctic deer comes out for food during the day which caused this（such a 语气更好些） misunderstanding. Therefore, the author cannot convince me before he assures that the local hunters in the report were representative.（典型的对论据进行攻击，原因讲的有条例，不错，赞一记）

Even if one accepts the fact that the number of arctic deer in the region had been decreased, the arguer’s explanation for this phenomenon remains questionable. When we turn to his explanation, we may find bigger fallacies in it.

Firstly, He unfairly assumes that the reason for such phenomenon is due to global warming trend. It seems common sense that global warming can cause the ice that deer used to travel over（定语从句是不是有些问题？travel over on the ice)for food melt. However, not a single evidence was provided in the argument to assure that this trend is worldwide. Canada arctic region is greatly distinct from other territories in world in terms of geographical location and climate. It is possible that the area where arctic deer live does not have a problem of global warming at all.

Secondly, the arguer ignored several alternatives that may contribute to the decline of deer population. It is possible that the local hunters had been hunting more deer than usual for years which gradually broke the balance of nature. Similarly, there may be an increase of population in the region which resulted in the need of farm land. Thus, grassland on the island where deer forge for food was seriously damaged. As a result, the deer had nothing to eat and starved to death. Without taking all the other factors into account, the arguer cannot conclude a causal relationship between global warming and decline of arctic deer.

In summary, it is unwise to make a rash conclusion that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of its being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. Further investigation and more detailed surveys are called for to find out the real reason of decreasing.

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总体感觉写的不错，如果语言再润色一下就能得到更高的分数了，谢谢你给我的点评，你留的问题我在我在你的点评后面跟帖了，你去看下