IMPULSE作文小组-分类练习之学习和教育类-周天作业

lemon1kgUID: 2309820

IMPULSE作文小组-分类练习之学习和教育类-周天作业

2008年03月29-30日

bbs.gter.net7U        j0_*gpK(Bx9s

如果每年上课11个月以上，学生会得到更有效的教育

No one will deny the fact that in recent years competition becomes the main topic in the society, especially in the job seeking market. The fierce competition accordingly brings about a phenomenon that the graduates is asked higher skill to meet the company's strict requirement. Some people put up an idea that increasing the course in school to more than 11 months thus the students will receive more efficiency education. For my point of view, the idea increases nothing of education but the quantity and my reasons listed as follow.

First of all, better education bases on a better quality of the faculty and the facilities. A great student needs great teacher. As long as a knowledgeable teacher good at teaching which is attracting, will the students be interested in it and devote more passion to the studying. Similarly, as long as the facilities provided sufficiently will the students have enough chance to do some experiments and something like that. Adding course has nothing to do with either of the crucial aspects mention above.

Secondly, having more than 11 months a year almost means that the students study in school all around the year without holidays. A study shows that the advisable way of studying consists of efficient devotion and adequate relaxation. If the high-stress studying continues without a rest, the efficiency must decline day by day, let alone the effect of better education.

Thirdly, study is the most important task for the students, however, it is not the only one. It is well-known that a outstanding student has either great GPA in his or her major course or the great experience for doing something such as volunteer or sports. They are both the factors composing the ability of competition, thus we cannot neglect or be less-considerable about the two. Since then, if the courses are increased so much, there will left not enough time for students to develop other kinds of advantages.

To sum up, the students need better education to adopt the competition in today's society. But it doesn't mean that the more courses taken the better ability gaining. The idea of adding meaningless course in my opinion is increasing the study load and in completely unpractical. Better education needs the school enhancing the quality of the faculty and the usability of the facilities for students.

大家帮忙改下哈~:loveliness:  新手上路，随便批斗！

[ 本帖最后由 lemon1kg 于 2008-7-27 01:18 编辑 ]

lemon1kgUID: 2309820

没有人改么？。。。悲惨~

大家看看思路有什么问题啊，我老觉得自己把握题目的方向不太好~

hhffeiUID: 2338023

现在菜鸟我还没能力修改, 呵呵, 先弱弱的问一下楼主: 这些题目是来自什么资料的?  谢谢啊!

lemon1kgUID: 2309820

机经~我本来一个人瞎练，现在还是决定来小组里大家一起行动~
就算没人帮我改，我看看别人的思路也挺好。呵呵！

[ 本帖最后由 lemon1kg 于 2008-7-28 00:17 编辑 ]

hhffeiUID: 2338023

恩.,,对的, ~过几天我开始弄作文了一定再来好好看看楼主的文章, 呵呵,

MyCorpseUID: 2431819

No one will deny the fact that in recent years competition becomes the main topic in the society, especially in the job seeking market（感觉换一个时态表达好些，主句用一般现在时，从句用现在完成时）. The fierce competition accordingly brings about a phenomenon that the（去掉） graduates is（are） asked higher skills to meet the company's strict requirement. Some people put up an idea that increasing the courses in school to more than 11 months,(加个逗号好像感觉顺一些) thus the students will receive more efficiency（这是个名词，可以用affective） education. For my point of view, the idea increases nothing of education but the（去掉） quantity and my reasons are listed as follow.

First of all, better education bases on a better quality of the faculty and the facilities. A great student needs great teachers. As long as a knowledgeable teacher good at teaching which is attracting, will the students be interested in it and devote more passion to the studying.（好像不顺吧） Similarly, as long as the facilities provided sufficiently will let the students have enough chances to do some experiments and something like that（or some other practices）. Adding courses has (have) nothing to do with either of the crucial aspects mentioned above.(这一段你好像是想说增加课程的量和老师讲课好以及实验等实践活动没什么关系，来支撑总的论点。但感觉你把大篇的篇幅都放在老师讲课好和实验对学生有什么好处，这些细节好像对你的观点的支撑没有起到太好的效果。如果是我，我可能会先简单的说相比课时量，It is more important that 教师讲课好和实验等活动，然后把你最后一句话展开来论述，比如在增加课时的同时实验课并没有增加，学生的动手能力就没有提高，也失去了学习的主动性等等，这样逻辑上更直接一些。。。。个人观点)


Secondly, having more than 11 months a year almost means that the students study in school all around the year without holidays. A study shows that the advisable way of studying consists of efficient devotion and adequate relaxation. If the high-stress studying continues without a rest, the efficiency must decline day by day, let alone the effect of better education.R ~n9Y+HF-~

Thirdly, study is the most important task for the students, however, it is not the only one. It is well-known that a outstanding student has either great GPA in his or her major course or the great experience for doing something such as volunteer or sports. They are both the factors composing the ability of competition, thus we cannot neglect or be less-considerable about the two. Since then, if the courses are increased so much, there will left not enough time for students to develop other kinds of advantages.留学,考试,TOEFL,GRE,GMAT,IELTS,SAT,VISA,文书,签证,论坛,出国,申请,美国,英国,欧洲,加拿大,USAB*y
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To sum up, the students need better education to adopt the competition in today's society. But it doesn't mean that the more courses taken the better ability gaining. The idea of adding meaningless course in my opinion is increasing the study load and in completely unpractical. Better education needs the school enhancing the quality of the faculty and the usability of the facilities for students.
一个是感觉你的冠词，尤其是the好像有点用多了。其实关于冠词的使用以前我也很糊涂，后来专门就这个问题查过语法书，不可数名词和复述可数名词在做一般性陈述时，也就是不是特指，不需要加冠词。
再就是听人说，建议Firstly Secondly Thirdly这样地词最好不要用，有套用模版之嫌。如果ETS的老外认为你套用模版，作文好像是要给0分的。而且这几个词也不能表达出每个观点之间的逻辑关系，比如主次、递进等等。
还有一点建议，感觉你并没有把每一段的主题句放在你的第一句，尤其是1-3段，这不符合英文写作的思维习惯。老外总是习惯于开门见山，先把观点摆出来，然后再围绕观点阐述。再一个，如果你这三个观点能分一分主次，把主要的放在最前面，写的在详尽一些，最后那个次要的写的简单一点~可能更好些。。。
仅是个人意见，后面两段实在困了~就不给你找语法错误了~呵呵
我很菜的，你也看我作文了，意见说的不对的地方可以讨论。

lemon1kgUID: 2309820

恩，说的好~好像对自己的问题有点感觉了。
我总是写得很绕~其实基本上没有列提纲就开始写，别写边想。看来是不行的~

有的时候发现看别人作文的问题自己还清醒些，看自己的就晕了。
接下来几篇我会加油改正的~