【12月-1月IBT综合备考活动】之【TWE写作】12月17日作业 multitask

nickey0809UID: 2349468

12.18日作业Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are busy doing                  different things that they can do few things well.（2007.3.3）

As the famous saying goes,” No man can do two things at once”. Nevertheless, some scholars allege base on the different functions of people’s brain that: a scientific multitask training can help balance your brain development and make you wise. However appealing the result of the research might be, I still doubt its feasibility. I tend to believe that only by focusing on one thing could one do thing well.
If we are busy doing different things at the same time, the result is always disappointing. When we multitask, we can’t fully concentrate on any of the included tasks and our work suffers. The neurology scientists from University of Michigan found that people’s brain can only function best when it continuously deal with one thing. Another experiment was done: the volunteers were asked to listen to some complex sentence as identify geometric drawing, because the two tasks is solve by different parts of brain. The result indicates that the efficiency and accuracy decreased drastically. My own experience also reinforces my argument: last month, I have a tight schedule of experiment and don’t have enough time to learn English. So I recited English word during the space time of the experiment. The tragedy happened: I forget the time and resulted in the failure of my whole day’s work. How pathetic I pick the sesame seeds but overlook the watermelons. What’s more, busy doing different things may lead to danger. Numerous traffic accidents happen everyday because the driver carry on mobile-phone conversation or weaving perilously dose to other cars as they drive. They died for nothing.
However, sometimes we have no choice but handle many tasks at the same time, especially in the quick-pace society nowadays when many problems take place unpredictably. Being panic or remain idle would be useless. For instance, many companies often list “the ability to multitask” as an important job requirement, and staff find themselves constantly being inundated with tasks. At this moment the circus clowns come to my mind: How are they able to juggle three balls while jumping rope? Society today is like a stage while the people are clowns. To me, I would do a strategic planning – a step-by-step program, In other words, I would divide one huge task into many steps before I take action, then many tasks can cross-undergoing by rearranging the orders of all small steps. It’s like doing much more small tasks one by one.
In conclusion, concentrate your mind to do one thing is the best and efficient way to accomplish the job. However, if you have to multitask, think it over and make a good strategy would save you from severe fatigue or making a mess.

求狠拍 请勿只改语法
修改格式   organization
                   thesis and support
                   unity and coherence
                    grammar and vocabulary

[ 本帖最后由 nickey0809 于 2008-12-31 21:35 编辑 ]

xlwxxyUID: 2568970

As the famous saying goes,” No man can do two things at once”. Nevertheless, some scholars allege base on the different functions of people’s brain that: a(some scholars allege that, base on the different) scientific multitask training can help balance your brain development(develop)and make you be wiser. (整句话大概意思我明白,但表达太不清晰了,如果长句表达不了,分为几个短句会看起来舒服点.)However appealing the result of the research might be, I still doubt its feasibility(有点chinese english). I tend to believe that only by focusing on one thing could one do thing well.(紫色的部分是我觉得应该有更好的词替换的.这要多查字典和平时积累)

If we are busy doing different things at the same time, the result is always disappointing. When we multitask, we can’t fully concentrate on any of the included tasks and our work is suffers(你是想说useless吧). The neurology scientists from University of Michigan found that people’s brain can only function best when it continuously deal with one thing.(这里的例子没有和第一段相呼应,第一段是说如果大脑功能各部分效能都发挥,将得到很好的平衡和发展, 这里给的例子却是大脑只能在一个时期集中做一样事情.) Another experiment was done: the volunteers were asked to listen to some complex sentence as identify geometric drawing, because the two tasks is solve by different parts of brain. （这个句子太长了，让人喘不过气，改成短句或其他形式好点）The result indicates that the efficiency and accuracy decreased drastically（decrease 用rapidly常见点，在用此前最好航先查一下它的用法和搭配）. My own experience also reinforces my argument: last month, I have a tight schedule（有点中式英语的表达） of experiment and don’t have enough time to learn English. So I recited English word during the space time of the experiment. The tragedy happened: I forget the time and resulted in the failurewasting of my whole day’s work. How pathetic I pick the sesame seeds but overlook the watermelons. What’s more, busy doing different things may lead to danger. Numerous traffic accidents happen every day(这里要分开写) because the driver carry on mobile-phone conversation or weaving perilously dose to other cars as they drive. They died for nothing.
（蓝色部分是我觉得用得非常不地道的表达）
However, sometimes we have no choice but handle many tasks at the same time, especially in the quick-pace society nowadays when many problems take place unpredictably. Being panic or remain idle would be useless. For instance, many companies often list “the ability to multitask” as an important job requirement, and staff find themselves constantly being inundated with tasks. At this moment the circus clowns come to my mind: How are they able to juggle three balls while jumping rope? Society today is like a stage whileas the people are clowns（这句话有点别扭，你用了很多高级词，但确切用法不准确）. To me, I would do a strategic planning – a step-by-step program, In other words, I would divide one huge task into many steps before I take action, then many tasks can cross-undergoing by rearranging the orders of all small steps. It’s like doing much more small tasks one by one.

In conclusion, concentrate your mind to do one thing is the best and efficient way to accomplish the job. However, if you have to multitask, think it over and make a good strategy would save you from severe fatigue or making a mess.

没有回答文章的问题哦，还有第一段和陈述没有相呼应。
有很多表达都不地道，中式英语很多。
总体意思表达到了，但不够系统和严谨。
提升空间还很大，一起努力

[ 本帖最后由 xlwxxy 于 2008-12-19 18:59 编辑 ]

nickey0809UID: 2349468

谢谢你认真的修改哦

xiaojing1115UID: 2578357

As the famous saying goes,” No man can do two things at once”. Nevertheless, some scholars allege base on the different functions of people’s brain that: a scientific multitask training can help balance your brain development and make you be wiser. However appealing the result of the research might be, I still doubt its feasibility(有点chinese english). I tend to believe that only by focusing on one thing could one do thing well（个人认为大脑个部分的那个话可以不说，因为你支持的不是它，在第一段用用列子来证明反观点不太好，可以哟感到后面的段落）

If we are busy doing different things at the same time, the result is always disappointing. When we multitask, we can’t fully concentrate on any of the included tasks（included task不太明白） and our work is suffers. The neurology scientists from University of Michigan found that people’s brain can only function best when it continuously deal with one thing。Another experiment was done: the volunteers were asked to listen to some complex sentence as identify geometric drawing, because the two tasks is solve by different parts of brain.The result indicates that the efficiency and accuracy decreased drastically. My own experience also reinforces my argument: last month, I have a tight schedul of experiment and don’t have enough time to learn English. So I recited English word during the space time of the experiment. The tragedy happened: I forget the time and resulted in the failurewasting of my whole day’s work. How pathetic I pick the sesame seeds but overlook the watermelons. What’s more, busy doing different things may lead to danger. Numerous traffic accidents happen every day because the driver carry on mobile-phone conversation or weaving perilously dose to other cars as they drive. They died for nothing.（自己的那段例子语言不太好）
However, sometimes we have no choice but handle many tasks at the same time, especially in the quick-pace society nowadays when many problems take place unpredictably. Being panic or remain idle would be useless. For instance, many companies often list “the ability to multitask” as an important job requirement, and staff find themselves constantly being inundated with tasks. At this moment the circus clowns come to my mind: How are they able to juggle three balls while jumping rope? Society today is like a stage whileas the people are clowns. To me, I would do a strategic planning – a step-by-step program, In other words, I would divide one huge task into many steps before I take action, then many tasks can cross-undergoing by rearranging the orders of all small steps. It’s like doing much more small tasks one by one.

In conclusion, concentrate your mind to do one thing is the best and efficient way to accomplish the job. However, if you have to multitask, think it over and make a good strategy would save you from severe fatigue or making a mess.

语言上总体来说很好，唯一不足的就是第二段自己的例子的语言显得有点不地道。
整体来说结果清晰，例证较好，我要学习

[ 本帖最后由 xiaojing1115 于 2008-12-19 20:28 编辑 ]

nickey0809UID: 2349468

第一段举反例以一种很常用的手法呀，用于比较并引出自己的观点……