Argument126 我的第二篇,不知有点进步没~~~

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

Argument 126
The following appeared in a health magazine.
" It has long been believed that getting at least eight hours of sleep a night is good for
health. But a recent six-year study of adult sleeping habits found that people who reported sleeping eight or more hours a night had a higher rate of certain health problems than did those who reported sleeping seven hours a night. People who reported sleeping five hours a night also had an increased rate of the health problems, but this increase was slight compared to that for people who reported sleeping eight or more hours a night. Clearly, people should try to get seven hours of sleep, and they should worry more about getting too much sleep than too little."


The author of the argument claims that people should try to get seven hours of sleep instead of eight hours which has long been believed, and they should worry more about getting too much sleep than too little. To support this assertion, the arguer cites a recent six-year study of adult sleeping habits. Nonetheless, careful scrutiny of the evident reveal that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author’s claim, as discussed below.

To begin with, the arguer unfairly assumes that the health problems can be attributed to the sleeping hours. In the absence of detailed information of the health problem (name, symptom , examining etc.),the conclusion lacks credibility .It is entirely possible that the people who sleep seven hours a night have more regular lives than do those who sleep five and eight or more hours. It is also possible that the former people have some hours exercising which make them more health than the others. Therefore, any decision aimed at addressing the problem of health must be based on more thorough investigation to gather sufficient data in order to narrow down and locate the factual reasons of the problem.

Yet another fallacy with the argument involves the recent six-year study. The arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Complete evidence concerning the base amount of the adults who involved in the study and that they could be representative of all adults should be offered. Moreover, I’m not informed how many adults were surveyed but did not report. The greater this number, the less reliable the study.

As a final point, even if the author’s advice were modified as indicated above, the suggestion that people should try to get seven hours of sleep would still be unpersuasive. The fact that five and eight or more hours sleep has a higher rate of certain health problem than seven hours sleep does not appropriately mean that seven hours of sleep is optimal for people. In addition, common sense tells me that the sleeping hour varies from individual to individual, thus it is unnecessary to regulate it among people.

Taking into account all these points, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To better bolster it, the arguer must present a more thorough investigation to confirm the causal relationship between sleeping hour and health problem. To lend credibility to this recommendation, we also need more accurate information of the study.

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

几乎没有语法错误。
逻辑上我觉得也不错。
顶一个，让别人再看看

wscikiUID: 168925

Therefore, any decision aimed at addressing the problem of health must be based on more thorough investigation to gather sufficient data in order to narrow down and locate the factual reasons of the problem.

爽!!

通篇都比上一篇好!!(没有车轱辘话的感觉了),先别扁~~~

唯一不爽的是最后两句吧,改改全文就成范文了.

小红花一朵!!

alaleiwUID: 2108387

from individual to individual这个短语我没见过：（感觉不对似的，
有人曾经告诉我，检查时对不确定的短语可以上google搜一下，比如‘what is from individual to individual’， 会有短语的定义出现，可是这个短语我没找到。
你可以用这个方法来自己修改argument中的一些chinglish。
我刚刚问过坐在边上的那个美国女孩子，she said 'from one to another'is right.

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

alaleiw说的对,这个短语还是新东方TOEFL讲义上看到的,刚才google搜了一下的确没有,呵呵以后就用from one to another了,谢谢!

boyjimUID: 125249

占~

boyjimUID: 125249

Argument 126
The following appeared in a health magazine.
" It has long been believed that getting at least eight hours of sleep a night is good for
health. But a recent six-year study of adult sleeping habits found that people who reported sleeping eight or more hours a night had a higher rate of certain health problems than did those who reported sleeping seven hours a night. People who reported sleeping five hours a night also had an increased rate of the health problems, but this increase was slight compared to that for people who reported sleeping eight or more hours a night. Clearly, people should try to get seven hours of sleep, and they should worry more about getting too much sleep than too little."
[哈哈~阿狗阿~我一般不改阿狗的~帮你看看吧~]


The author of the argument claims that people should try to get seven hours of sleep instead of eight hours which has long been believed, and they should worry more about getting too much sleep than too little. To support this assertion, the arguer cites a recent six-year study of adult sleeping habits. Nonetheless, careful scrutiny of the evident reveal that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author’s claim, as discussed below.
[开头有点长~尽量改短一点点~阿狗的开头是比较难写的了 不用太在意 心机应该花在一休上面]
To begin with,[讨厌这个信号词~第二段不是begin还能是什么呢？新东方废话精髓] the arguer unfairly assumes that the health problems can be attributed to the sleeping hours. In the absence of detailed information of the health problem (name, symptom , examining etc.),the conclusion lacks credibility .It is entirely possible that the people who sleep seven hours a night have more regular lives than do those who sleep five and eight or more hours. It is also possible that the former people have some hours exercising which make them more health than the others. Therefore, any decision aimed at addressing the problem of health must be based on more thorough investigation to gather sufficient data in order to narrow down and locate the factual reasons of the problem.
[一层一层 不错~]
Yet another fallacy with the argument involves the recent six-year study[直接指出来就好了~]. The arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Complete evidence concerning the base amount of the adults who involved in the study and that they could be representative of all adults should be offered. Moreover, I’m not informed how many adults were surveyed but did not report[作文里面用被动语态吧]. The greater this number, the less reliable the study.

As a final point, even if the author’s advice were modified as indicated above, the suggestion that people should try to get seven hours of sleep would still be unpersuasive. The fact that five and eight or more hours sleep has a higher rate of certain health problem than seven hours sleep does not appropriately mean that seven hours of sleep is optimal for people. In addition, common sense tells me that the sleeping hour varies from individual to individual, thus it is unnecessary to regulate it among people.

Taking into account all these points, the argument is indefensible as it stands. To better bolster[good 词汇多积累变化才可以多样] it, the arguer must present a more thorough investigation to confirm the causal relationship between sleeping hour and health problem. To lend credibility to this recommendation, we also need more accurate information of the study.
[我看得比较快~语言上阿狗不是卖弄的地方我也就没有什么可以看得 逻辑要求严谨 我觉得还可以了~zhizhi比较喜欢看阿狗~别说我告诉你的嘻嘻~~以后阿狗可以叫她改，
总体来说语言通顺，基本上没有错误，用词也可以 时间上能够在25分钟写完那么这片作文起码5分了~]

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

谢谢boyjim斑斑,以后还要多麻烦你啦:D

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

好不错的作品
考试要是能写出来这样的文章应该5.5~6分了

pewcg8UID: 2143213

对tony表示质疑，顺便把这个古老的帖子顶上来