Argument9 我的第二篇

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

Argument 9
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University. "Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."[题目]


    In this argument, the arguer attempts to convince us that to enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent, potential employers apparently believe that these grades are inflated, this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from Alpha University. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
   
    The major problem with this argument is that the arguer commits a fallacy of "after this, therefore because of this" in assuming that student evaluation has resulted in the 30% increase in the overall student grade averages at Omega. The professors at Omega University may be more careful in their work and be more patient to their students for the sake of being evaluated impartially and objectively .With the efforts of the professors, accordingly, the grades of the graduates must have risen. Besides, the students' hard working may contribute to their increased grades. For instance, the students were more diligent than before, they read more books, be more punctual in taking classes and finish their homework carefully. In addition, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the difficulty of the examination was as it was before.
  
    Another problem that undermines the argument is that the arguer is assuming that Omega graduates have not very successful at finding employment due to their inflated grades. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to take into account other possible reasons why Omega graduates can not secure employments. As we know, the factors such as experience, creativity, teamwork spirit, technical skills may be more fundamental than grades in determining getting a decent job. Even if the grades of graduates increased substantially, which is, of course, an unwarranted assumption, it does not follow that the graduates are competitive in the job hunting. Actually, the overall capability of the graduates is more effective.

    To sum up, the conclusion of arguer lacks credibility in that the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the capability of the graduates of Omega. Additionally, to make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to list out the persuasive disadvantages of student evaluation of professors.

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

Lyon_tony进度很快呢,今天刚考完先happy一下,明天来看:D

ppaidamiUID: 2109184

这次仔细看了一下,不错不错,比上一篇好多了.逻辑上也没什么问题,语言变化了不少.
继续努力喔!

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

really?
这是连续两天写出的第二篇，应该不会进步很大吧？
谁在给看看？

ppaidamiUID: 2109184

感觉确实不一样啊!:o不信算了，以后不看了!:mad:

蝴蝶结UID: 195566

我来也~~~

   In this argument, the arguer attempts to convince us that to enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent, potential employers apparently believe that these grades are inflated, this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from Alpha University. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.
   
    The major problem with this argument is that the arguer commits a fallacy of "after this, therefore because of this" in assuming that student evaluation has resulted in the 30% increase in the overall student grade averages at Omega.我觉得这一句如果点出after students对professors的evaluation就好了,不然看到这还得回原题找找位置 The professors at Omega University may be more careful in their work and be more patient to their students for the sake of 这个短语好,向你学习:)being evaluated impartially and objectively .With the efforts of the professors, accordingly, the grades of the graduates must have risen. Besides, the students' hard working may contribute to their increased grades. For instance, the students were more diligent than before, they read more books, be more punctual in taking classes and finish their homework carefully. In addition, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the difficulty of the examination was as it was before.
  
    Another problem that undermines the argument is that the arguer is assuming that Omega graduates have not very successful at finding employment due to their inflated grades. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to take into account other possible reasons why Omega graduates can not secure employments. As we know, the factors such as experience, creativity, teamwork spirit, technical skills may be more fundamental than grades in determining getting a decent job. Even if the grades of graduates increased substantially, which is, of course, an unwarranted assumption, it does not follow that the graduates are competitive in the job hunting. Actually, the overall capability of the graduates is more effective.没问题,8错
    To sum up, the conclusion of arguer lacks credibility in that the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the capability of the graduates of Omega. Additionally, to make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to list out the persuasive disadvantages of student evaluation of professors.no problem

这篇真的感觉好多了,我都说不出来啥了,呵呵加油加油:victory:

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

Originally posted by ppaidami at 2005-6-17 01:50
感觉确实不一样啊!:o不信算了，以后不看了!:mad:

:)谢谢两位啦！
:):):)我更有方向了！
继续加油！

sophywUID: 203712

Argument 9
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
"Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors."[题目]


    In this argument, the arguer attempts to convince us that to enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out that overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent, potential employers apparently believe that these grades are inflated, this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from Alpha University. This argument suffers from several critical fallacies.(总觉得开头应该简洁点，把要批驳的内容放到下面去写，这样，一是可以有时间把下面的内容写的丰富点，二者可以使开头看上去很简洁，可能是个人写作风格的问题，呵呵,总觉得这样的写法不太好）
   
    The major problem with this argument is that the arguer commits a fallacy of "after this, therefore because of this"（何必要引用呢，这样的话，会使人觉得不知道作者再说什么，还要去看题目，何不把一句话说完，或者用自己的语言说出来？） in assuming that student evaluation（policy) has resulted in the 30% increase in the overall student grade averages at Omega. (可否用一句转折，说其他的情况存在这样的话，说明下面是可能性的说法）The professors at Omega University may be more careful in their work and be more patient to their students for the sake of being evaluated impartially and objectively .With the efforts of the professors, accordingly, the grades of the graduates must have risen. Besides, the students' hard working may contribute to their increased grades. For instance, （不是举例，使另一个可能）the students were more diligent than before, they read more books, be more punctual in taking classes and finish their homework carefully. In addition, the arguer fails to provide any evidence that the difficulty of the examination was as it was before.  （觉得这个理由展开一下比较好，这样写显得太薄弱了）

    Another problem that undermines the argument is that the arguer is assuming that Omega graduates have not very successful at finding employment due to their inflated grades. Nevertheless, the arguer fails to take into account other possible reasons why Omega graduates can not secure employments. As we know, the factors such as experience, creativity, teamwork spirit, technical skills may be more fundamental than grades in determining getting a decent job. （我觉得可以就这几个方面展开说，而不要一笔带过哦）Even if the grades of graduates increased substantially, which is, of course, an unwarranted assumption,（这是一个事实亚，为什么是assumption) it does not follow that the graduates are competitive in the job hunting. Actually, the overall capability of the graduates is more effective.

    To sum up, the conclusion of arguer lacks credibility in that the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the capability of the graduates of Omega. Additionally, to make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to list out the persuasive disadvantages of student evaluation of professors.


总体感觉这篇文章的抓的两个错误的点还是不错的，但是文章如果叙述的层次感更加强烈一些就更好了，比如：再说其他的原因的时候，通过一些连接词来表达，会使结构看上去很清楚：），加油！

Lyon_TonyUID: 178961

我在改改：）