Issue51 第16篇 请有意互改的G友看过来，给连接吧。我会狠狠的回拍！！

iPodUID: 2105485

Issue51  第16篇 请有意互改的G友看过来，给连接吧。我会狠狠的回拍！！
------摘要------
作者：iPod     共用时间：44分34秒     490 / 535 (after reworked) words
从2005年6月15日21时44分到2005年6月15日22时44分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
I favor the speaker that through designing specifically to satisfy the individuals needs and interests of each students can improve the effectiveness of education. While, I strongly disagree with him that compared with specified education, general education would create more benefits to students and their future. What is more, it can hardly accomplish the goal of specified education which is also unnecessary.

To begin with, admittedly, taking students' personal needs and interests into account, education would be more effective only when faces some special students. We can learn from a concrete example of improving the statement. There are a great deal of inborn talented students who possess of high IQ level, that is whiz kids, among their common classmates. Those talented ones, of course, would not settle for general education, who may ask for more advanced and sophisticated knowledge to meet their needs and interests. It is now the time to run specified education and send those whiz kids to some special schools which are specifically designed for them. By doing so, the effectiveness of education would bring into play. As a consequence, when face those a few group of 'special talented ones' education should shift from general education to specified education to satisfy them.

However, general education, as we have for most students, would be more instrumental and practical to the development of them and their future. In grade-school, children whose minds are so immature and childish, would not know what education would help them accustomed to social environment when they grow up. Education cannot specifically designed to meet children's impulsive and mutable interests for the reason that they are too young to make a judgment on what is good for them and what is just interesting for them. For example, they may choose art course for interests, but after a period of time of learning, they may lose interests gradually and finally give up because of children's changeful instincts. Things go even worse when they choose to play for their main courses, is it still effective to meet their own interests? Therefore, education, as a mature and experienced expert on teaching, should take the responsibility to decide what course should its students learn instead of students themselves.

In addition to that point, specified education would seldom accomplish as a whole for the reason that it itself is an ill-considered plan. Education should not ignore a concrete fact that there are numberless students under the control of it whose personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, abilities on learning are so different. Can education design numberless specified kinds of ways of teaching for them? It is totally impossible and unnecessary. Granted that specified education completed, then millions of graduates whose major courses are some diverse that can not meet the needs of society swarm into job markets, it would no longer be effective for them to survive. Therefore, it is unnecessary for education to take such specified plan which would even harms itself by contraries.

To sum up, specified education would make effectiveness when designed to some talented students to meet their special needs and interests. However, general education should be pursued instead of specified education which would lose its effectiveness when face tremendous common students.

edgarluUID: 203648

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
I favor[favor很少看见有人这么用的, be in favor of] the speaker that through designing specifically to satisfy the individuals needs and interests of each students [这句话没有主语]can improve the effectiveness of education. [While很少看见这么用while的, at the same time], I strongly disagree with him that [这个that后面应该是跟你反对的内容，而不是你认为正确的内容，相当于I strongly disagree that …] compared with specified education, general education would create more benefits to students and their future. What is more, it can hardly accomplish the goal of specified education which is also unnecessary. [不看后面的内容，最后一句话难以理解，首先it指代是哪种教育不明，which从句修饰的对象不明(好像是goal，可又unnecessary goal又解释不通)]

To begin with, admittedly, taking students' personal needs and interests into account, education would be more effective only when faces some special students. We can learn from a concrete example of improving the statement. There are a great deal of inborn talented students who possess of high IQ level, that is whiz kids, among their common classmates. Those talented ones, of course, would not settle for general education, who may ask for more advanced and sophisticated knowledge to meet their needs and interests. It is now the time to run specified education and send those whiz kids to some special schools which are specifically designed for them. By doing so, the effectiveness of education would bring into play. As a consequence, when face those a few group of 'special talented ones' education should shift from general education to specified education to satisfy them.

However, general education, as we have for most students, would be more instrumental and practical to the development of them and their future. In grade-school, children whose minds are so immature and childish, would not know what education would help them accustomed to social environment when they grow up. Education cannot specifically designed to meet children's impulsive and mutable interests for the reason that they are too young to make a judgment on what is good for them and what is just interesting for them. For example, they may choose art course for interests, but after a period of time of learning, they may lose interests gradually and finally give up because of children's changeful instincts. Things go even worse when they choose to play for their main courses, is it still effective to meet their own interests? Therefore, education, as a mature and experienced expert on teaching, should take the responsibility to decide what course should its students learn instead of students themselves.

In addition to that point, specified education would seldom accomplish as a whole for the reason that it itself is an ill-considered plan. Education should not ignore a concrete fact that there are numberless students under the control of it whose personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, abilities on learning are so different. Can education design numberless specified kinds of ways of teaching for them? It is totally impossible and unnecessary. Granted that specified education completed, then millions of graduates whose major courses are some diverse that can not meet the needs of society swarm into job markets, it would no longer be effective for them to survive.[这个推理比较牵强，大家兴趣不一样学的东西不一样和社会职业需求没有必然的冲突点，diverse不一定导致与市场需求冲突，虽然纯兴趣教育可能是有这个问题而且可能性很大，但是说理不能这样想当然推断。] Therefore, it is unnecessary for education to take such specified plan which would even harms itself by contraries.

To sum up, specified education would make effectiveness when designed to some talented students to meet their special needs and interests. However, general education should be pursued instead of specified education which would lose its effectiveness when face tremendous common students.

红字为不当和略显不合适的用词，各类语法错误未标出
文章观点结构清晰，最后一点的TS感觉措辞太笼统不太合适，特种教育既然总体上是ill-considered的，为什么又对高材生适用呢？
有空赐教
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
楼主加油，大家加油

ahqiuUID: 207682

巧，我昨天也写了这篇，麻烦你帮我看一下把
我也帮你看看，多谢
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ;highlight=%2Bahqiu

ahqiuUID: 207682

I favor（可以那么用吗） the speaker that through designing specifically to satisfy the individuals needs and interests of each students can improve the effectiveness of education.（前面用favor,后面接一个转折strongly，不太好） While, I strongly disagree with him that compared with specified education, general education would create more benefits to students and their future. What is more, it can hardly accomplish the goal of specified education which is also unnecessary.

To begin with, admittedly, taking students' personal needs and interests into account, education would be more effective only when faces some special students. We can learn from a concrete example of improving（to prove） the statement. There are a great deal of inborn talented students who possess of high IQ level, that is whiz kids, among their common classmates. Those talented ones, of course, would not settle for general education, (定语从句和你要修饰的名次差太远了吧)who may ask for more advanced and sophisticated knowledge to meet their needs and interests. It is now the time（有这种句型吗？now??） to run specified education and send those whiz kids to some special schools which are specifically designed for them. By doing so, the effectiveness of education would bring into play. As a consequence(result, consequence 更多的用来表示不好的后果), when face those a few group of 'special talented ones' education should shift from general education to specified education to satisfy them.
开头只用一个Admittedly 就可以了，建议：保留一般放在最后，如果不是什么重要前提的话However, general education, as we have for most students, would be more instrumental and practical to the development of them and their future. In grade-school, children whose minds are so immature and childish, would not know what education would help them accustomed to social environment when they grow up. Education cannot specifically designed to meet children's impulsive and mutable interests for the reason that they are too young to make a judgment on what is good for them and what is just interesting（这是可以的吧，我们的意见不谋而合了，呵呵） for them. For example, they may choose art course for interests, but after a period of time of learning, they may lose interests gradually and finally give up because of children's changeful instincts. Things go even worse when they choose to play for their main courses,（什么意思？？） is it still effective to meet their own interests?（这可能已经不属于教育的范畴了） Therefore, education, as a mature and experienced expert on teaching（引导句子才表示因为）, should take the responsibility to decide what course should its students learn instead of students themselves.
说理有点乱

In addition to that point, specified education would seldom accomplish as a whole for the reason that（for就表示因为了） it itself is an ill-considered plan（这句话像是从中文译的一样，不好）（而且specified education在英文是职业教育噢，不可偷换概念）. Education should not ignore a concrete fact that there are numberless students under the control of it whose personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, abilities on learning are so different（定语从句还是没和要修饰的词放在一起）. Can education design numberless specified kinds of ways of teaching for them? It is totally impossible and unnecessary. Granted that specified education completed, then millions of graduates whose major courses are some diverse that can not meet the needs of society swarm into job markets, it would no longer be effective for them to survive.（意思是不错，句式太复杂了，呵呵） Therefore, it is unnecessary for education to take such specified plan which would even harms itself by contraries.

To sum up, specified education would make effectiveness （这种表达不对 be effective）when designed to some talented students to meet their special needs and interests. However, general education should be pursued instead of specified education which would lose its effectiveness when face(faced with) tremendous common students
全文来看，结构完整，思路清晰，不过还语法错误，有的词用得也不是特别恰当。
如果是限时写的就已经不错了，论证挺合理的，和我的不谋而合了，呵呵（我没有夸自己的嫌疑吧，呵呵）
加油吧，词汇和语法要加强

linxiao1983UID: 203095

------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------    
I favor 嗯，和2楼的一个意见，be in favor of   the speaker that through designing specifically to satisfy the individuals needs and interests of each students can improve the effectiveness of education. While, I strongly disagree with him that compared with specified education, general education would create more benefits to students and their future. What is more, it can hardly accomplish the goal of specified education which is also unnecessary.   这两句的句意表达不是很清晰，可以考虑修缮下，毕竟是TS啊

To begin with, admittedly, taking students' personal needs and interests into account, education would be more effective only when faces some special students. We can learn from a concrete example of improving the statement. There are a great deal of inborn talented students who possess of high IQ level, that is whiz kids, among their common classmates. Those talented ones, of course, would not settle for general education, who may ask for more advanced and sophisticated knowledge to meet their needs and interests. It is now the time to run specified education and send those whiz kids to some special schools which are specifically designed for them. By doing so, the effectiveness of education would bring into play. As a consequence, when face those a few group of 'special talented ones' education should shift from general education to specified education to satisfy them.
   通过神童说明问题，语言很不错，句式也挺丰富的
However, general education, as we have for most students, would be more instrumental and practical to the development of them and their future. In grade-school, children whose minds are so immature and childish, 这个同位语有待商榷，grade-school和children能同位吗？  would not know what education would help them accustomed to social environment when they grow up. Education cannot specifically designed to meet children's impulsive and mutable interests for the reason that they are too young to make a judgment on what is good for them and what is just interesting for them. For example, they may choose art course for interests, but after a period of time of learning, they may lose interests gradually and finally give up because of children's changeful instincts. Things go even worse when they choose to play for their main courses, is it still effective to meet their own interests? Therefore, education, as a mature and experienced expert on teaching, should take the responsibility to decide what course should its students learn instead of students themselves.
   这一段很好！
In addition to that point, specified education would seldom accomplish as a whole for the reason that it itself is an ill-considered plan. Education should not ignore a concrete fact that there are numberless students under the control of it whose personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, abilities on learning are so different. Can education design numberless specified kinds of ways of teaching for them? It is totally impossible and unnecessary. Granted that specified education completed, then millions of graduates whose major courses are some diverse that can not meet the needs of society swarm into job markets, it would no longer be effective for them to survive. Therefore, it is unnecessary for education to take such specified plan which would even harms itself by contraries.
  可能是时间的关系，这段的短语，用词不如前两段考究，但是基本观点的表达还是比较清楚的
To sum up, specified education would make effectiveness when designed to some talented students to meet their special needs and interests. However, general education should be pursued instead of specified education which would lose its effectiveness when face tremendous common students.
  这篇文章不错！结构清晰，而且语言很棒，最难能可贵的是，在限时完成的，赞一个！



我的issue138，请拍！！狠狠的！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=301329

[ Last edited by linxiao1983 on 2005-7-17 at 12:33 ]

sixsenseUID: 197669

写得真得不错，文章条理很清楚，扣得很紧，很值得学习!!
挑了半天错，贴上来时发现已经有好多人提出意见了，我的意见就弱多了。下一篇吧。

这一段有些短语没看懂：
In addition to that point, specified education would seldom accomplish as a whole for the reason that it itself is an ill-considered plan. Education should not ignore a concrete fact that there are numberless students under the control of it [没弄清楚under the control of it是什么意思，为什么这么用]whose personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, abilities on learning are so different. Can education design numberless specified kinds of ways of teaching for them? It is totally impossible and unnecessary. Granted that specified education completed, then millions of graduates whose major courses are some diverse that can not meet the needs of society swarm into job markets, it would no longer be effective for them to survive. Therefore, it is unnecessary for education to take such specified plan which would even harms itself by contraries.

真是让我羡慕啊，要向你学习!!!
另：每次上完新东方回家，头就会痛得不行，不过我会坚持改文章，这篇实在改不出什么了，下一篇!

sixsenseUID: 197669

对了，还有你的每篇文章的第一段都用favor作动词，感觉已经成了你的模版，不过我以前也从没见到这种用法。请最后确认一下吧。

iPodUID: 2105485

感谢感谢大家
我会加油
大家加油
你们的回帖我会后天送上！！