argument76 同主题写作，欢迎互拍（*^_^*,我是8月16日的G友）

GladysryUID: 198609

不得不逼自己了，熬夜也要把这篇作业给交了。= =(严重黑眼圈中……）

因为是第一篇，所以没有限时，但是暂时水平也就如此，请大家多多包涵。:p

恩，我的原则是——有拍必回！！

[size=-2][size=-2]The specious argumentation from this article is so insufficient in providing articulate facts that I am strongly suspicious that whether it is a suggestion from the magazine or just an advertisement from the Luxess company.

At the very beginning, the author give us a vague definition----" a group of volunteers participated in the study" rather than a much persuasive group whose information are clear. Taking the peculiarity of people's skin for example, if they are chosen by the company in purpose because the face cream is designed exactly for their type of skin, how could we determine that it will be suitable for all the people? What is worse, the author even did not point out anything about the volunteers' gender! If they are all gentlemen, can ladies be secure enough to use it? And what about their constitution of ages? Is it a meaningless small group of people or a meaningful thousands of people? Are they chosen randomly? So many questions should be asked while unfortunately the author provide none of those significant statistical characteristics or any clear discription about the group to us.

The following description gives me a stronger doubt on the Luxess face cream. "They washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess", then can the author be sure that the following so-called improving condition of facial skin is totally thanks to the face cream? A second time the author failed at providing any evidence to prove that the mild soap has no effect on the volunteers' skin, such as a contrast experiment, thus making his argument much weaker.

Even if all the above problems were made out by the company, the author's evaluating criteria about the product's effectiveness is conspicuously non-scientific. The modern evaluation system of cosmetics is rather strict, considering the facial cream as an example, the safty of the product, its effectiveness on improving skin's smooth level, hydrous level, exlasticity which can be measured by a relatively convinced standard should all be included rahter than a meaningless ambiguous statement that "looked and felt better". Much more, a short  time like a month is too feeble to ensure the product's efficiency. Thus, if the author do consider the Luxess face cream a nice product, he/she should give the customer a more detailed and scientific description of the improvement.

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands and certainly fails on convincing me that the Luxess face cream is effective in improving the facial condition of all customers. Yet, if the author can provide more clear and convincing details as stated above, customers will absolutely believe it and buy it.

[ Last edited by Gladysry on 2005-7-23 at 16:50 ]

GladysryUID: 198609

没有人……   — _ —||||

GladysryUID: 198609

抱着希望最后自顶一次， 希望被我拍过滴筒子过来吼一声。T_T

nikeboy1999UID: 159930

先把题目找出来帮你贴上

76The following appeared as part of an article in a health and beauty magazine.

"A group of volunteers participated in a study of consumer responses to the new Luxess face cream. Every morning for a month, they washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess. At the end of that month, most volunteers reported a marked improvement in the way their skin looked and felt. Thus it appears that Luxess is truly effective in improving the condition of facial skin."


The specious argumentation from this article is so insufficient in providing articulate facts that I am strongly suspicious that whether it is a suggestion from the magazine or just an advertisement from the Luxess company.比较新颖的开头，不过最后一句我个人认为是否不太恰当，我个人认为写argument要狠批的是这个excerpt里边的逻辑漏洞，至于这个excerpt的出处及其作用是不是可以暂放一边，当然它的作用以及导向是需要考虑的，但是不是应该先驳斥其结论再引申其影响？个人意见而已，仅供参考

At the very beginning, the author give us a vague definition----" a group of volunteers participated in the study" rather than a much persuasive group whose information are clear. Taking the peculiarity of people's skin for example, if they are chosen by the company in purpose because the face cream is designed exactly for their type of skin, how could we determine that it will be suitable for all the people? What is worse, the author even did not point out anything about the volunteers' gender! If they are all gentlemen, can ladies be secure enough to use it? And what about their constitution of ages? Is it a meaningless small group of people or a meaningful thousands of people? Are they chosen randomly? So many questions should be asked while unfortunately the author provide none of those significant statistical characteristics or any clear discription about the group to us.思维清晰，逻辑紧凑。呵呵……蛮好的
The following description gives me a stronger doubt on the Luxess face cream. "They washed their faces with mild soap and then applied Luxess", then can the author be sure that the following so-called improving condition of facial skin is totally thanks to the face cream? A second time the author failed at providing any evidence to prove that the mild soap has no effect on the volunteers' skin, such as a contrast experiment, thus making his 加上or her 是否更保险一点argument much weaker.内容不多，但很精辟

Even if all the above problems were made out by the company, the author's evaluating criteria about the product's effectiveness is conspicuously non-scientific. The modern evaluation system of cosmetics is rather strict, considering the facial cream as an example, the safty of the product, its effectiveness on improving skin's smooth level, hydrous level, exlasticity elasticity？？ which can be measured by a relatively convinced standard should all be included rahter rather than a meaningless ambiguous statement that "looked and felt better". Much more, a short  time like a month is too feeble to ensure the product's efficiency. Thus, if the author do consider the Luxess face cream a nice product, he/she不知道是否可用这样的符号 should give the customer a more detailed and scientific description of the improvement.这段也不错

In sum, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands and certainly fails on convincing me that the Luxess face cream is effective in improving the facial condition of all customers. Yet, if the author can provide more clear and convincing details as stated above, customers will absolutely believe it and buy it.

通篇看下来感觉要比我的烂作强很多，除了一点点小失误，有很多值得学习的地方。

感觉获益最大的就是对传统模版的打破，个人认为楼主在这方面下了不少功夫并已见成

效，继续加油。

PS：我8.16北京鼎均，刚开始写

[ Last edited by nikeboy1999 on 2005-7-23 at 22:02 ]

GladysryUID: 198609

我给你改得那个文章里的链接你看了没？imong斑竹的确不是一般的强悍。我只是在尝试着把重点放到分析上，所以对于开头还是有些晕，其实结尾现在也还没太弄清楚。看过一段时间能否开窍。

nikeboy太谦虚了。你只用了40分钟，而我却没有限时。我如果限时，是绝对写不完又逻辑混乱的。不过我不心急，用心就好，总会有进步的。

赫赫，同时表示感谢。：） （我这是自己改过才放上来，居然还有低级错误，:L而且你的提醒的确很及时，文章里最好不要出现有任何性别倾向的词。）

[ Last edited by Gladysry on 2005-7-23 at 22:48 ]

nikeboy1999UID: 159930

汗……没有找到链接，是不是没贴上？

今天头晕得厉害，先撤下去了，明天来看你的链接

加油！！！

GladysryUID: 198609

在你第一段的后面，因为那个链接显示不出来红色。（其实是imong斑斑的关于argu的三部大作，你在精华去可以看到，当然了，如果已经看过，就不用再找了。）