argument65 （kito）谢谢大家！！

智恩UID：2160717

65 The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of
cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of
both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five
best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses
from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World
magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its
subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory,
the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue
stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate
primarily on domestic cheeses."
提纲：
1 新开的几家商店的情况不能说明所有商店，也许它开在Wisconsin，或是那儿的人们与Wisconsin的联系特别密切。
2 卖得最好不能说明利润最高，因为有可能是它们价格特别低，另外新开业买得好不代表以后会卖得好，可能最近这几个牌子在做促销活动，这样的势头不会保持。
3 关于杂志的调查。第一，杂志的订阅者人数是多少，如果看的人少这份调查就没有代表性。第二，什么类型的人顶这份杂志，if它的主要客户不是顾客而是研究cheese制造的或是销售的人，那么也不能说明顾客中有偏爱domestic cheeses。第三，调查是否公正，我们不排除偏爱imported cheeses的subscriber没有寄回问卷，或者就没有定这份杂志。
4 没有证据说明进口的不能盈利，卖不出去。
正文：
In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommends that in order to improve profits in all stores it is necessary to stop stocking many sorts of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheese. To support this recommendation, the president points out that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Moreover the presidents cites a survey conducted by Cheese of the World magazine showing that an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However this argument is logically flawed in a number of respects.

To begin with, the president unfairly assumes that the best-seller of the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store could represent all of their stores selling trend. It is entirely possible that the newest stores open in Wisconsin or people keep in touch with each other frequently. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities the president’s recommendation is untenable.

In addition, there is no causal relationship between best-selling and high profits. The president commits a fallacy that as long as the more cheeses sold, the more profits. As a matter of fact, maybe it is because the price of cheddar cheese from Wisconsin is so cheep that many consumers buy them. What is more, the five newest stores have a good selling at the first beginning however whether this trend could continue is unwarranted. Perhaps this cheddar cheese makes a sales promotion and therefore it get a good selling. If this is the case, the high profits are not guaranteed.

Furthermore, the survey the president cites lacks credibility and validity. Firstly, the president fails to provide the definite number of subscribers. If the number of subscribers is not sufficiently enough, the result of this survey can not reflect the opinion of the population which consumes cheeses. Secondly, what sorts of people subscribe this magazine is unknown. There is a possibility that the subscribers are all researchers who study the production of cheese or that the subscribers are people who make sales market of cheese. If so, the result of this survey fails to illustrate the preference of consumers and therefore is unconvincing. Finally, there is no evidence offered to substantiate the fairness of this survey. Perhaps the questionnaires of consumers who prefer imported cheese are not sent back or these consumers do not subscribe this magazine. Lacking this evidence listed above, the survey is dubious at best.

Finally, no evidence is provided to demonstrate that imported cheese could not make profits. The president fails to provide statistics to show whole nation’s cheese consumption habits and a particular circumstance of the cheese sales. Absent of this data, the increasing preference of cheddar cheese is incredible.

To sum up, through close scrutiny of this argument, however reveals that little evidence lends support to the president’s recommendation. To strengthen it, the presidents must make a careful survey to substantiate the increasing preference of cheddar cheese. What is more, to bolster it the president should provide evidence to illustrate the causal relationship between the cheddar cheese sales and the high profits and also the president should make us convincing that promotion of cheddar cheese is the most effective way of increasing profits.

jingjingtousUID：2164820

argument65 （kito）谢谢大家！！

65 The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of
cheese stores located throughout the United States.
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of
both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five
best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses
from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World
magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its
subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory,
the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue
stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate
primarily on domestic cheeses."
提纲：
1 新开的几家商店的情况不能说明所有商店，也许它开在Wisconsin，或是那儿的人们与Wisconsin的联系特别密切。
2 卖得最好不能说明利润最高，因为有可能是它们价格特别低，另外新开业买得好不代表以后会卖得好，可能最近这几个牌子在做促销活动，这样的势头不会保持。
3 关于杂志的调查。第一，杂志的订阅者人数是多少，如果看的人少这份调查就没有代表性。第二，什么类型的人顶这份杂志，if它的主要客户不是顾客而是研究cheese制造的或是销售的人，那么也不能说明顾客中有偏爱domestic cheeses。第三，调查是否公正，我们不排除偏爱imported cheeses的subscriber没有寄回问卷，或者就没有定这份杂志。
4 没有证据说明进口的不能盈利，卖不出去。
正文：
In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommends that in order to improve profits in all stores it is necessary to stop stocking many sorts of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheese. To support this recommendation, the president points out that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Moreover the presidents cites a survey conducted by Cheese of the World magazine showing that an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However this argument is logically flawed in a number of respects.恩，开头写的好，赞一个
To begin with, the president unfairly assumes that the best-seller 我觉得 与后面的best-selling有点重复，the newest store 不一定是the best-seller呀？你想说的是销售情况吗？你觉得直接用the sales 可以吗？of the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store could represent all of their stores selling trend这里的宾语是store还是selling trend?选一个吧？. It is entirely possible that the newest stores open opened in Wisconsin or people keep in touch with each other frequently这句话不是看你的提纲还真不知道要说的是什么意思，看看这样行不？their newest store build a reliable and stable supply-and-demand relationship with the cheese manufacturers in Winsconsin？. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities the president’s recommendation is untenable.

In addition, there is no causal relationship between best-selling and high profits. The president commits a fallacy that as long as我不知道你的as long as 放在这里是作什么用的？ the more cheeses sold, the more profits. As a matter of fact for that matter, maybe it is because the price of cheddar cheese from Wisconsin is so cheep that many consumers buy them.既然决定用it is ...that...的句型就不要中间再来becasue了，你看看这样行不？it is the cheep price of cheese from Wisconsin that many consumers are willing to buy them What is more, the five newest stores the five best-selling cheese 什么时候变成five newest stores了？ have a good selling at the first beginning however， whether this trend could continue is unwarranted. Perhaps this cheddar cheese makes a sales promotion 你的意思是打折吗？用was at a discount你看怎么样？and therefore it get got a good selling sale. If this is the case, the high profits are not guaranteed.

Furthermore, the survey that 怎么记得这时好像不能省？the president cites lacks credibility and validity. Firstly, the president fails to provide the definite number of subscribers. If the number of subscribers is not sufficiently sufficient enough, the result of this survey can not reflect the opinion of the population which consumes cheeses具体地说应该是这家连锁店的cheese. Secondly, what sorts of people subscribe this magazine is unknown. There is a possibility that the subscribers are all researchers who study the production of cheese 直接说the producers of cheese怎么样？感觉让人明白些 or that the subscribers are people who make sales market of cheese.做销售市场的人？are the market analysis who concerned with the sales of cheese你觉得呢？ If so, the result of this survey fails to illustrate the preference of consumers and therefore is unconvincing. Finally, there is no evidence offered to substantiate the fairness of this survey. Perhaps the questionnaires of consumers who prefer imported cheese are not sent back or these consumers do not subscribe this magazine. Lacking this evidence listed above, the survey is dubious at best. 这段论证的比较详细而且有新意，除了对样本人数是否足够大和是否有代表性进行了攻击外，还特别驳斥了调查的公证性。

Finally, no evidence is provided to demonstrate that imported cheese could not make profits. The president fails to provide statistics to show whole nation’s cheese consumption habits and a particular circumstance of the cheese sales. Absent of this data, the increasing preference of cheddar cheese is incredible. 恩，最好再举两个例子说imported cheese 也能有profits甚至更多，从全国来看可能前五位的可能是imported cheese,那就更好了

To sum up, through close scrutiny of this argument, however reveals that这句话你用了through就缺了主语了，你觉得的呢？要不改成I found that.. little evidence lends support to the president’s recommendation. To strengthen it, the presidents must make a careful survey to substantiate the increasing preference of cheddar cheese. What is more, to bolster it the president should provide evidence to illustrate the causal relationship between the cheddar cheese sales and the high profits and also the president should make us convincing直接用convince us that the promotion of cheddar cheese is the most effective way of increasing profits.

总的说来写的不错，只是觉得中间有些语句表达有点问题，我想说的是另外一件事。
其实很早就想问智恩了，觉得你每次改别人作文的时候很少从文章的思路，论证的角度去评判一篇文章，如果你有什么不同的观点不妨说出来大家一起探讨，而不是只改改语法和句式的错误。按你的评判我的argument174好到只有两三个小错误，这显然不负责地给我造成一种假相。
我想说的就这么多，感谢你作为组长的尽心尽力，如果有什么冒犯的话请原谅！

智恩UID：2160717

感谢jingjing的提醒，以后我一定会注意的，明天就考完最后一课了，以后一定会改得全面的，以前的就饶了我吧！呵呵

jingjingtousUID：2164820

祝考试顺利，我早就考完了，^_^哈哈

[ 本帖最后由 jingjingtous 于 2006-1-10 00:16 编辑 ]

gaojiehahaUID：2149729

其实很早就想问智恩了，觉得你每次改别人作文的时候很少从文章的思路，论证的角度去评判一篇文章，如果你有什么不同的观点不妨说出来大家一起探讨，而不是只改改语法和句式的错误。按你的评判我的argument174好到只有两三个小错误，这显然不负责地给我造成一种假相。

不是针对某个人，我认为我们大家改作文时都应该狠一点，不要手下留情，怕得罪人。
也只有狠一点，指出错误，被改者才能进步。

gaojiehahaUID：2149729

In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommends that in order to improve profits in all stores it is necessary to stop stocking many sorts of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheese. To support this recommendation, the president points out that last year the five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Moreover the presidents cites a survey conducted by Cheese of the World magazine showing that an increasing preference for domestic cheese among its subscribers. However this argument is logically flawed in a number of respects.(开头陈述的很清晰，把该说的几点都说清楚了，引出下文)

To begin with, the president unfairly assumes that the best-seller of the five best-selling cheeses（关于best selling cheese,表达的不清楚） at the newest store could represent all of their stores selling trend. It is entirely possible that the newest stores open in Wisconsin or people keep in touch with each other frequently. Without considering and ruling out these possibilities the president’s recommendation is untenable.(论证的简单了些。再展开说说，比如新店不能代表整体的情况，为什么不能代表，要是代表会发生什么情况。而作者这样贸然的推断，是犯了以偏概全的错误。因此他的这个论证不具说服性。Ps：写的我自己都觉得像唐僧。但没办法，ETS要的就是这种感觉，body丰满！)

In addition, there is no causal relationship between best-selling and high profits. The president commits a fallacy that as long as the more cheeses sold, the more profits. As a matter of fact, maybe it is because the price of cheddar cheese from Wisconsin is so cheep that many consumers buy them. What is more, the five newest stores have a good selling at the first beginning however whether this trend could continue is unwarranted.(这句和你的主题句没什么关系吧，嘻嘻··讲另一层错误了，在七宗罪里叫没有永恒不变的事物) Perhaps this cheddar（文中有提到吗？） cheese makes a sales promotion and therefore it get a good selling. If this is the case, the high profits are not guaranteed.

Furthermore（学习下，没怎么用这个词）, the survey the president cites lacks credibility and validity. Firstly, the president fails to provide the definite number of subscribers. If the number of subscribers is not sufficiently enough, the result of this survey cannot reflect the opinion of the population that （people who）consumes cheeses. Secondly, what sorts of people subscribe this magazine is unknown. There is a possibility that the subscribers are all researchers who study the production of cheese or that the subscribers are people who make sales market of cheese. If so, the result of this survey fails to illustrate the preference of consumers and therefore is unconvincing. Finally, there is no evidence offered to substantiate the fairness of this survey. Perhaps the questionnaires of consumers who prefer imported cheese are not sent back or these consumers do not subscribe this magazine.(这个观点挺新鲜，好！) Lacking this evidence listed above, the survey is dubious at best（at best用在这里啥意思呢？）.

Finally, no evidence is provided to demonstrate that imported cheese could not make profits. The president fails to provide statistics to show whole nation’s cheese consumption habits and a particular circumstance of the cheese sales. Absent of this data, the increasing preference of cheddar cheese is incredible.（这点很新颖，我怎么没想到呢？）

To sum up, through close scrutiny of this argument, however（去掉however,加上it） reveals that little evidence lends support to the president’s recommendation. To strengthen it, the presidents must make a careful survey to substantiate the increasing preference of cheddar cheese. What is more, to bolster it the president should provide evidence to illustrate the causal relationship between the cheddar cheese sales and the high profits and also the president should make us convincing that promotion of cheddar cheese is the most effective way of increasing profits.(结尾很好，很全面)

智恩的argument写的很全面，思路开阔，有些比较新的想法什么的加入文章中。
希望继续保持！
想悄悄的对你说，你的七宗罪读的很仔细啊！嘻嘻··
不过我们应该跳出它的思维
我也总是照着它写
对我的修改有什么置疑和我讨论啊！