issue130 dganggang （kito) 准时完成 写了很多 是人拍吧拍吧不是罪

dganggangUID: 2125101

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

提纲：孩子有权利自己选择发展方向
         我们要搞清楚什么叫“能改变社会的命运”
         我们没能学会那样培养孩子是个假命题因为人类社会一直以来的进步证明了我们早就学会啦！

As an English motto has it, "Natural abilities are like natural plants that need pruning by study." In my opinion, every child are born pure, which means they can be mould into different characters and types, some of whom may help to bring a better society but some may even impede the society's improvement. So it is absolutely impossible to raise any child intentionally, which aims at the target, no matter it is to determines the destiny of society or just to live one's life, exactly into the way we want. In respective of that, we can conclude that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society and probably we never will because children have their own rights to achieve what they want and what they like.

First of all, we will make serious mistakes if we intend to raise children into the targets that we have already set for them. It is out of question that human beings are longing for a better society and most of us do hope that our children will make it in the future. Nevertheless, if this goal is supposed to be achieved by them, then it is should also be set up by themselves. Thus they may really have the possibility to build a better society than their ancestry. The result will be very unsatisfying if we push the children too hard, which will definitely make the better society dream groundless. For instance, one of my cousin is so clever that his parents expected him to be a scientist and they prepared a lot of relevant events and courses for him. Nonetheless, he turned out to be very talented in arts and the result that he became a writer finally really disobeyed his parents' primary wish. It is a typical example, but I do not think it has something unfortunate because my cousin has found what he really likes.

Second, we may have to understand and define the real meaning of "determines the destiny of society" before we come to any further discussion. Who can really declare that he really influences the society and even makes it better? What kind of thing does help to ameliorate the society? The answers should be extremely extensive instead of being limited to merely big achievement, huge success or obtaining wide fame. A usual labor may contribute what he can to make our society better and the donation of one dollar to the poor children in African also presents your efforts in bringing a better society. To some extent, many people are doing what they can to make the world better and it seems that not every parent of them educated them in the way of "what our children need to support them to determine the destiny of society"

Finally, the point we have not yet learned how to raise our children who can help bring about a better society will lead to another conclusion that this world has never been better ever to some extent. If we have not yet learned the secret, the human beings would make progress at all because we have not got the parents that can raise the children who can make the society better. But actually no one can negate that our world have been much better than what it is one thousand, one hundred and even ten years ago. The world always carries many shortcomings and disasters with the improvement but it has no reason to make us so pessimistic that we have to doubt our ability to raise our children and continuously help them to devote themselves to the cause for a more wonderful world. Based on this logic, in fact, human beings have already learned how to raise the children since the occurrence of man and we will keep on doing what we have done to ensure that the society tomorrow will be far better than today.

In general, the history of human kinds has proved that we have learned how to children who can help bring about a better society. It has no use to be cynical due to some social problems or unreachable expectation to deny this fact, furthermore, we may hold on our tradition if we possess a healthy, clement and visionary attitude in raising our children.

[ 本帖最后由 11yaoyao 于 2006-1-20 22:30 编辑 ]

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

提纲：孩子有权利自己选择发展方向
         我们要搞清楚什么叫“能改变社会的命运”
         我们没能学会那样培养孩子是个假命题因为人类社会一直以来的进步证明了我们早就学会啦！

As an English motto has it, "Natural abilities are like natural plants that need pruning by study." In my opinion, every child are born pure, which means they can be mould into different characters and types, some of whom may help to bring a better society but some may even impede the society's improvement. So it is absolutely impossible to raise any child intentionally, which aims at the target, no matter it is to determines determine the destiny of society or just to live one's life, exactly into the way we want. In respective of？？？that, we can conclude that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society and probably we never will because children have their own rights to achieve what they want and what they like.这和你的提纲第三点不符呀？

First of all, we will make serious mistakes if we intend to raise children into the targets that we have already set for them. It is out of question that human beings are longing for a better society and most of us do hope that our children will make it in the future. Nevertheless, if this goal is supposed to be achieved by them, then it is should also be set up by themselves. Thus they may really have the possibility to build a better society than their ancestry. The result will be very unsatisfying if we push the children too hard, which will definitely make the better society dream groundless. For instance, one of my cousin is so clever that his parents expected him to be a scientist and they prepared a lot of relevant events and courses for him. Nonetheless, he turned out to be very talented in arts and the result that he became a writer finally really disobeyed his parents' primary wish. It is a typical example, but I do not think it has something unfortunate because my cousin has found what he really likes.我觉得举和自己或自己认识的人有关的例子不具有说服力，因为GRE的考官对你亲戚并不了解
很明显，你说我们教育孩子不应该为他们设定target，开始就论证该如何教育孩子

Second, we may have to understand and define the real meaning of "determines the destiny of society" before we come to any further discussion. Who can really declare that he really influences the society and even makes it better? What kind of thing does help to ameliorate 好词！the society? The answers should be extremely extensive instead of being limited to merely big achievement, huge success or obtaining wide fame. A usual labor may contribute what he can to make our society better and the donation of one dollar to the poor children in African also presents your efforts in bringing a better society. To some extent, many people are doing what they can to make the world better and it seems that not every parent of them educated them in the way of "what our children need to support them to determine the destiny of society"我很难将你这段论证和孩子的社会化联系起来，我觉得你还是在将应该怎样教育孩子

Finally, the point we have not yet learned how to raise our children who can help bring about a better society will lead to another conclusion that this world has never been better ever to some extent这个TS跟你开头所阐述的观点不符呀？. If we have not yet learned the secret, the human beings would make progress at all because we have not got the parents that can raise the children who can make the society better. But actually no one can negate that our world have been much better than what it is one thousand, one hundred and even ten years ago.你这又是讲我们对孩子的教育是成功的，你到底支持哪个观点啊？平衡观点？又不像! The world always carries many shortcomings and disasters with the improvement but it has no reason to make us so pessimistic that we have to doubt our ability to raise our children and continuously help them to devote themselves to the cause for a more wonderful world. Based on this logic, in fact, human beings have already learned how to raise the children since the occurrence of man and we will keep on doing what we have done to ensure that the society tomorrow will be far better than today.我被你这段的论述彻底搞晕了，你是先说不成功，再说其实成功，但后者的论证在哪里呢？

In general, the history of human kinds has proved that we have learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. It has no use to be cynical due to some social problems or unreachable expectation to deny this fact, furthermore, we may hold on our tradition if we possess a healthy, clement and visionary attitude in raising our children. 不知道你的cynical due to some social problem 与孩子的社会化&教育又什么关系？

觉得这篇文章写的很好就是逻辑思路有点混乱，不像提纲阐述的那样，不过是限时写的所以可以理解，我改的时候还是觉得很有压力，你的发散思维我算领教了，是不是老美也擅长这样？^_^

dganggangUID: 2125101

其实我第一段的观点是有点正话反说 是一种嘲讽 你可以再看一下 注意看下前面一句 不过这有点中文习惯了  确实不好
这个解决了其实逻辑上就没有问题了
还有就是这个socialized不用拘泥 没有太大意义 关键还是raise

我这篇作文写的有点绕了 不过其实逻辑很清楚 不过不建议考试冒风险啦